Tips to like adult dsc more

[Penguinsaregreat]

Hi

Dh has 2 adult children, by adult I mean 26 years old.
I met dh when they were older teens technically adults.
I don’t know if it’s due to the menopause or what but I can’t help think that I dislike one of his adult children.
We hardly see them to be honest only when we are taking them out somewhere and invariably paying for them or dh picks them up and brings them to our house and we cook for them.
We are due to take them out soon and dh had said we will be footing the bill (as always).
For context dsc has never done a days work in their life not so much as a Saturday job. They are extremely difficult to engage with. For example dh would pick them up to come over for dinner, they would say Hi then immediately sit just on their phone until dinner was ready. Eat their dinner then take their pots into the kitchen , leaving them there for us to deal with, then back on their phone. Dh or I would try to strike up a conversation to be met with a nod.
They do have friends and speak freely to their sibling.
They used to come here twice a week for dinner.
Dh has said dsc likes me and said I am a much nicer person than his ex.
Any advise on how to not feel resentful when dh foots the bill again. Or how to brush my feelings aside.
For context I have children and they have all had jobs even when at university.
My children also find dsc rude.

Why would he continue to support them well into adulthood?

Don't worry about liking them. Do you like every other adult in your life? Detach from them and it will be easier.

Of course he wouldn’t

my point is - clearly there is a back story

So they’re twins?

It’s up to your DH if he wants to pay, I think you need to find a way to come to terms with that and not resent it. I know you said your DH wants you there but perhaps reducing your attendance to 2/3 may help you.

My DSD is a young adult and we both still treat her, as we love doing so and the cost of things, particularly in London where we are, is very expensive especially for young people. Even if I didn’t want to treat DSD myself, whether DH does is his business.

As for you saying that your DH says that you’re much nicer than his ex, that’s a pathetic thing to bring in here. It’s irrelevant because (a) the DSC may not agree especially since this is their mother and (b) good table manners shouldn’t be dependent on whether someone is nice or not. Your DH should pull them up on excessive phone use at the table or whatever.

I occasionally get irked at fact that dh always ends up paying but, it’s his money. His son will buy a round if we are just down the pub. His kids earn decent money but dh still pays. It’s taken a while but I’ve just let it go now.

my sister had to have a word with her grown up kids who were working to explain that if they came on holiday with them then they’d be expected to stump up the cost of the extra room, larger hire car etc. it hadn’t occurred to them.

id just disengage a bit if I was you.

Tbh can you just accept maybe these DSC aren't your type of person (and that's not a slight on DSC or you), you can always try and find common ground but if you can't that's ok and try make peace with it.

Careless is what I'm saying.

This is absurd. At 26 I had a 4 year old and a baby on the way, I took my parents out for dinner sometimes, sometimes they would treat me or most of the time we split the bill. I’d never expect to be picked up and taken to either parents house… they need to grow up!

I don’t like my husband’s daughter and haven’t seen her in over a year. He sees her regular but I choose not to be part of their meetings. Works for all, she made it perfectly clear when she was a child she didn’t want me around, I had to tolerate her as a child, I don’t as an adult.

Detach from the situation and let your husband deal with it.

I won't tolerate a person that doesn't work....and is rude not help clean