DSC taking pictures of our DC

[Snapchatter]

Am I overreacting here or would this also bother others? I don't know whether to ask DH to speak with DSC about it.

Basically I saw DSS taking pictures of our toddler earlier and putting them on their Snapchat account.

DSS is 13.

I don't like the idea of pictures of DC being shared around DSS's Snapchat friends, 99% of whom I've no idea who the are, they could just be random people.

Cant you speak with DSS about it? Ask who he's got on his snapchat and explain you don't want random strangers looking at your child?

At 13 though I'm sure he's fairly new to snapchat and won't have that many friends on it. The friends who he does have are likely to also be 13 year olds who don't care for a picture of a baby and will just scroll past. The photos get deleted after 24 hours anyway.

That would bother me too. He should learn to ask for consent before sharing photos of other people.

I'd feel better if DH spoke with him.

He's had Snapchat for a while already (not something I thought was great but not my decision) and a few of them actually got in trouble with school a while ago for inappropriate messaging on it. Nothing sexual!! But swearing, a few of them being nasty to each other when they'd fallen out and things like that.

Tell your DH to have a word.

My DC send snaps of everything - they are probably completely unaware you're bothered. I'd be sure that the recipient of the snaps aren't bothered either.

I had similar issue. I td DH it wasn't to happen. Snapchat and tiktok have terrible privacy policies/ settings and teens seem to just accept anyone as a friend - so it could be random strangers that are seeing (and further disseminating) the content. There are loads of reasons why be careful with photos and images on the internet is important - you need to have a chat with your partner and make your position clear, he should be talking with his children and stating it is an outright no go zone. It could be turned into a chat about consent - the toddler can't consent, the strangers you filmed didn't consent, your friend you filmed who doesn't want that photo posted hasn't consented, etc then those posts would all be inappropriate. Netsafety and instilling these boundaries is up to the parents. 13 year olds don't just 'know' what is appropriate. They need to be guided/ told. You are absolutely not over-reacting.

My DSD does this. I'm not with her Dad anymore, which makes it even harder to police. I've asked DSD not to do it, but that hasn't inhibited her. Sorry OP, no advice but solidarity.

Yes this would bother me. I and DH have had to instil in both DSD and DC to always get consent from people before posting photos and in the case of children under 13, get consent from their parents, which includes us as they don’t have the unconditional right to share photos of their young sibling just because they’re siblings. Have explained risks and dangers. It’s a conversation that has to be done numerous times.

Yes, also had to stop this. DH spoke to them, they didn’t like it though (photos were going back to their DM who also kicked off).

And they are very well-versed in Snapchat with hundreds of friends by 13.

Incase you weren't aware Snapchat is a one time view only so no pics get saved... So dc tell me.
Imo be happy your dsc want to share stuff about their siblings! Back years ago exh made dc delete anything regarding their new sibling.

Twat.

I hate this. I told them they couldn't do it from the very start and then found them sneakily taking photos. I hate them sending photos to their mum even yet alone their school mates. I rarely use my loud voice but my god did I yell when I caught them. Its damn disrespectful. DC isn't an entertainment source.

I will never forget the feeling when one of DSC wandered up to DC and without asking me took a photo and said oh mum said to get a picture.

Like I didn't exist.

I might just wander up to teen DSC and take a photo of her without asking and tell her it's for my Instagram.

So they can not take pictures of their brother or sister?

I get the not posting but seriously if they are not posting what is the issue.

No, people can screenshot.

DC don’t have the right to put siblings online.

Yes people can screenshot Snapchat photos. And the importance here is setting a precedent of asking for prior consent before posting photos of others.

Perhaps the OP and her DH would be ok with the DSD posting a photo of the toddler is the audience is restricted, or if she put an emoji sticker over the toddler’s face… Point is it needs to be discussed. The DSD is doing what all her age do, she’s presumably not being malicious she just needs instruction on SM safety and etiquette.

Oh same. We used to also hear their DM (who DH is NC with) asking for a house tour on FaceTime.

I would not be happy with this either. I would have a word with DSC and explain they can put up a photo of themselves but not of others, especially of young children.

The wording of the question is telling: is it not the children taking photos of their sibling, instead of the step-kids snapping 'our' children?

There is nothing wrong with the wording. It was for clarity. If she had said 'the DSS sibling' then she would have had to explain that it was also the OPs child. The way it has been worded is the most concise explanation. Regardless, the issue is not the taken of the photo. It's what is being done with it. It is perfectly responsible and reasonable thing to have a chat with a 13 year old about- being aware of consent is not a punishment. Bein aware of online safety is not a punishment. These are serious issues and should be openly and repeatedly discussed with children.

I think children are so used to social media and photos being online that it doesn't occur to them that it might not be appropriate to put pictures on social media. I don't think your DSC is being malicious.

If your issue is that you don't want your baby on social media then just get their dad to explain that you don't want pictures of the baby on social media. However, if you yourself have plastered pictures all over Instagram / Facebook and have no issues with this then it does seem a bit odd that you can share but your DSC can't share their sibling.

I wouldn't be happy one bit. Nobody should be posting photos of children without permission regardless of who's kids they are. It's a violation of privacy and god knows who can be accessing them. My children don't have their images online as my best friend randomly had CID turn up at her door as her little girls photo had been located on a known prolific child offenders computer. It was an innocent photo that was shared of her 3 year old in a swimsuit in a paddling pool, the image had been distorted with vulgar wording added. I'm sorry but we live in a sick world that if kids images are shared somewhere they can certainly end up anywhere

Jo

Totally agree with your stance. We had the same conversations (about sharing images and also about ‘house tours’ requested by ex - she also asked DSC to do this on play dates!).

You may see posts turn up on this thread about how social media is a fact of life and you should get used it to. All that matters is what you and DH want for your DC - not anyone else’s social media preferences.

Get DH to have a chat to DSC and explain no photos of LO. Presumably he’s already had chats about potential risks of social media posts generally?