DH seems to have just decided this about our house...

TalkAboutItPls · 2022-07-20T15:53:46+00:00

We jointly own our home and have been looking to purchase somewhere bigger in the near future. We share DC and DH also has two older DC in their teens. We were talking about new houses the other day and DH basically came out with we need to keep our current house so we have somewhere 'the kids' (basically DSC as they are much older and our DC are toddlers so not likely to benefit them any time soon!) can rent for cheap when they need to with the current situation. Now technically we could afford to keep this house and purchase another, we don't need the deposit from the sale. However I just feel a bit I don't know put out that DH just seems to have declared this and I'm just supposed to accept it. I don't know what makes me feel opposed to it I guess I just think it's not just up to him to decide we are keeping a house so his kids have somewhere to rent. It is my house too and I actually paid the deposit for it when we bought! AIBU to think this isn't his decision and I'm right to have reservations and want to actually discuss this and if we did keep the house and rent it out, I think I deserve to have a say whether it's cheaply to DSC or market value to a tenant considering it's also mine. Our assets are also our shared DCs inheritance hopefully one day and keeping this house could potentially mean we can't afford somewhere as nice as we'd could if we were to sell it. I don't know, something just feels a bit off about the suggestion and I can't quite place it entirely.

Chdjdn · 20/07/2022 16:59

It sounds like it’s the way he’s announced it to benefit primarily his DC rather than suggesting that it makes sense and seeing what you think.
If it’s going to involve a sacrifice in terms of what you can buy now then I’d think carefully as his DC may never live in the house (it may be that they want to move away etc) and with more than one DC especially it’s fraught with potential issues. On the plus side though it may prevent them from living with you until their 30s!

Original poster

TalkAboutItPls · 20/07/2022 17:02

with more than one DC especially it’s fraught with potential issues

This is one of my concerns to be perfectly honest.

What happens if one of the DSC do live in it and then my own children get no benefit of a house I am paying for and put down the majority for when purchased? We aren't in a position to just have multiple houses waiting for each DC to rent so it would end up being a choice who got to live in it which I don't think is fair. Whatever happens he'd be helping at least one of his children whereas I could end up helping DSC but not my own children which I don't like.

OP posts:

Original poster

TalkAboutItPls · 20/07/2022 17:04

Or as you say, none of them could need/want it and we end up being landlords which I've never really had any desire to do!

OP posts:

frazzledasarock · 20/07/2022 17:04

How is the house owned tenants in common?
did you ring fence your deposit?

I would refuse on the grounds you want to live in a nice house using the deposit from the sale of your house.

I wouldn’t want to compromise on my home on the off chance my kids may need to rent cheaply somewhere in the future.

Original poster

TalkAboutItPls · 20/07/2022 17:05

If we were going to do anything like that I'd rather keep the funds from the sale and put them in savings accounts for the DC i.e. my 50% to our DC and his to DC and DSC, then they can all benefit from it.

OP posts:

aSofaNearYou · 20/07/2022 17:55

Yes this was extremely presumptuous of him - especially given this is by no means the "done thing" when your kids have grown up, it should always have been a big discussion and he should realise that.

How has he responded to you not being keen?

Starseeking · 20/07/2022 18:24

I'd feel funny about that sort of announcement; it's not his sole decision to make. Have you spoken to him about it, and what was his response?

Etinoxaurus · 20/07/2022 18:28

Very strange.
I can imagine a situation where you were moving out of a big city with lots of jobs to somewhere with fewer opportunities and it’s be a bolt hole for all the family and you could afford to, but unless there’s more he’s being presumptuous.

Topseyt123 · 20/07/2022 18:32

Rather presumptuous of him. Surely his approach should have been "what would you think of this idea ..... ?

HandbagsnGladrags · 20/07/2022 18:35

Massively presumptious. Tell him if that's what he wants to do, he needs to buy you out of your share. Then he can do whatever he wants for his kids with his money.

bellac11 · 20/07/2022 18:43

Without knowing the exact wording, it sounds to me like he was proposing it as a suggestion, something to consider planning for.

Surely theres more to the information, so he said this thing and you said what exactly? Didnt you both have a discussion, did you say you need time to think about it or that its a big decision which has all sorts of real life legal/tax/landlord responsibilites to check out?

Magda72 · 20/07/2022 19:38

What age are the sdc? Sounds to me like it's something he may have already discussed with them or something that has been mentioned to him. Why else would he be assuming they'll stick around?

Ontomatopea · 20/07/2022 19:40

What he say when you said hang on I'll need to think about that?

Alltheprettyseahorses · 20/07/2022 19:53

TalkAboutItPls · 20/07/2022 17:05

If we were going to do anything like that I'd rather keep the funds from the sale and put them in savings accounts for the DC i.e. my 50% to our DC and his to DC and DSC, then they can all benefit from it.

I'm normally silently on the stepmum's side in most of these but this is a big no as far as I'm concerned. The money should be split equally between all the children, it really comes across as unfair, grasping and greedy to boost your own children's potential inheritance by your stepchildren's huge loss. What does your husband think about that?

AllTheOtherNamesWereTaken · 20/07/2022 19:58

Surely there's a good chance his DC won't want to rent it? Siblings don't often rent a house together plus they might go away to uni and settle away, get an apprenticeship far away etc etc. I'd have a proper chat with him about it but try to stay calm about it so he doesn't automatically start on the defensive

aSofaNearYou · 20/07/2022 19:58

I'm normally silently on the stepmum's side in most of these but this is a big no as far as I'm concerned. The money should be split equally between all the children, it really comes across as unfair, grasping and greedy to boost your own children's potential inheritance by your stepchildren's huge loss. What does your husband think about that?

Eh? This is a totally standard and fair arrangement. Hers to her kids and his to his.

Magda72 · 20/07/2022 19:59

@Alltheprettyseahorses how is it grasping and greedy????
Op's share goes to all her dc & her oh's share goes to all his dc. It's not op's fault that he has more dc than her!
Why should her share inc the sdc?????

user237363826 · 20/07/2022 20:05

aSofaNearYou · 20/07/2022 19:58

I'm normally silently on the stepmum's side in most of these but this is a big no as far as I'm concerned. The money should be split equally between all the children, it really comes across as unfair, grasping and greedy to boost your own children's potential inheritance by your stepchildren's huge loss. What does your husband think about that?

Eh? This is a totally standard and fair arrangement. Hers to her kids and his to his.

100% 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Ontomatopea · 20/07/2022 20:08

Alltheprettyseahorses · 20/07/2022 19:53

I'm normally silently on the stepmum's side in most of these but this is a big no as far as I'm concerned. The money should be split equally between all the children, it really comes across as unfair, grasping and greedy to boost your own children's potential inheritance by your stepchildren's huge loss. What does your husband think about that?

Show quote history

Don't be ridiculous. It's a perfectly normal arrangement in a stepfamily.

Ontomatopea · 20/07/2022 20:10

Ah sorry @aSofaNearYou I should have read all the posts then I would have seen you posted the same thing!

OhToBeCool · 20/07/2022 20:24

Obviously a more in-depth discussion needs to be had, personally I think it is a good idea if you’re looking for properties now, then perhaps you could actually rent it out to someone else until the dc come of an age where they may need it, it cwould possibly benefit your dc also in the long run.

Catfordthefifth · 20/07/2022 20:28

Alltheprettyseahorses · 20/07/2022 19:53

I'm normally silently on the stepmum's side in most of these but this is a big no as far as I'm concerned. The money should be split equally between all the children, it really comes across as unfair, grasping and greedy to boost your own children's potential inheritance by your stepchildren's huge loss. What does your husband think about that?

Show quote history

Did you miss the part where op paid the entire deposit?
Did you also miss the part where op has one child and dp has several?

Why should ops child miss out? The step children have a mother who is not op and will also presumably benefit from her.

aSofaNearYou · 20/07/2022 20:40

Ontomatopea · 20/07/2022 20:10

Ah sorry @aSofaNearYou I should have read all the posts then I would have seen you posted the same thing!

No problem, seems we were all thinking the same thing!

HandbagsnGladrags · 20/07/2022 20:42

@Alltheprettyseahorses by your standards my house (which I owned before I even met my husband) should be shared equally between my daughter and his two kids. Eek nope, I think not. My own child will inherit my assets - no one else will.

Acheyknees · 20/07/2022 21:20

What if the children want to go to University and need support? What if they choose to live elsewhere? Hugely presumptuous on his behalf.