Step-daughter has started scrutinizing her body

[Lilithslove]

I am not really looking for advice because it's kind of inevitable but I was really saddened this weekend to see my DSD look at herself in the mirror, cringe, and change her top because she thought her stomach looked fat (it didn't).

She is 13 and sadly it is normal but I am sad that she now has to deal with body insecurity 😥

It’s awful. I’ve got a DSD the same age and she’s pretty body confident but she’s got friends who are there. Does she do physical things she enjoys like sport, dancing, yoga etc? If not then finding ways to appreciate what her body can do might help her focus beyond what she looks like. Feeling fast, strong, part of a team might be positive.

I would also second encouraging physical activity, sports, dance, yoga, rock climbing, swimming, martial arts, anything. My dds are 21and 19 and I found that being involved in different athletics did protect them. They still were hard on themselves and yet couldn't help being proud of their body and what they could do. They both have a positive self image now. Neither what to change anything about their body for example.

Take her for walks/hikes, be active as a family. Do your best to keep her off the internet and social media as much as possible. Being outside and connected to the natural world is a very healthy balance to all that young teens are bombarded with. Another one is caring for a pet or gardening.

Have fun and a good laugh, don't let being female be all about appearance.

Above all be loving and accepting of her, even when she isn't of herself. Don't criticize your own body or obsess about diets or anything (I assume you don't but we can unconsciously reinforce messages about women's bodies). Tell her how much you love being a woman and your own body.

Unfortunately she hates all forms of physical activity! We do take the dsds out for walks and I think they like it when they get going but we have to force them.

She has a phone and loves Instagram and tik tok. I'm not particulary comfortable with it but its not really my place to try and keep her off it. I've mentioned it to dp and just says all the kids have it now and she doesn't want to be left out.

I do make a point of not mentioning dieting or wherever in front of them.

Dp and I would never ever criticise her body and i'm sure her mum wouldn't either but can't sheild her from society.

Mine started to do this age 6. I’m not kidding. She’s 9 now. It’s not every day or even every month but she’s aware that she has a more robust form than most of her peers who are like twigs. She’s sporty and there’s zero weight concerns - it’s just she’s a sturdier frame. But I find it super sad that body awareness starts so early. Innocence lost :-(

My dsd is suddenly very body aware, is 11. She’s tall for her age, quite overweight but not necessarily obviously so because she is so tall. She’s only a little shorter than me (I’m above average height), weighs more than I do.

I’ve taken the scales out of the bathroom to stop her fixating on her weight, I’ve been trying to encourage her to make healthier food choices and finding some type of physical exercise she enjoys. It’s quite challenging though, as she has never been brought up to just go for a walk for something to do etc and is prone to not doing very much.

I’ve not been in her life all that long so am mindful about not overstepping the mark but really want to be able to help her avoid developing issues. Her mother seems largely disinterested and hasn’t told her lots of basics I assumed she would re feminine hygiene (really talking basics here), but goes absolutely apeshit if she gets wind I have been involved in any way.