Yes yes it's a Disney one...

[Disney11]

Wondering if you think this will cause a problem?

I want to take DS to Disneyland Paris for a short stay (2 nights) for his birthday. The only way it's affordable is to go outside of the school holidays so would mean no DSC. DS isn't in school yet hence why it's possible.

I'm thinking it's fine for two reasons:

• I'm happy to go alone without DH if he feels he can't come.

• DSC have been to Disneyland Paris a few years ago with their mum so this isn't any different surely?

I am taking dd13 in October. DH is not coming and neither are SC. Its my money and I spend it how I want. I am taking her to Spain next year just the two of us too. I didn't invite DH as I knew he would feel bad leaving his 2 behind but I think it is important to make memories with my DD without her step siblings with her all of the time. You will have a lush time!

I think it's totally fine. Hope you have an amazing time I'm hoping to do the same with my DS next year

I don't actually think we've had a holiday with my DS & DSC yet. My DSC are lucky enough to go abroad with their mum a couple of times a year, so I don't feel like they are missing out on our caravan holidays in Wales (off peak during school time!) as that's the limit of what we can afford at the min.

I am going to be taking our DS to Disney. I am not taking my SC but neither am I taking my own DC. So nobody can accuse me of being unfair even though SC will probably pout about it.

Take him. Your DSC are at a different stage of life where they are not going to be interested in the rides that your son will be able to go. I probably wouldn't tell them tbh.

Actually they might! I took my friends children ages 4 and 2 to Disney and the older one definitely has a lot of memories of the trip!

If you have that outlook then what’s the point in doing anything with toddlers? I’m sure dsc’s mum didn’t think that way when dsc was a toddler and I bet you dsc did lots of lovely exciting things.

I bet OP will take lots of pictures while on her trip, to share with her DC in years to come.

I’m a step child & never had a holiday with my dad, his wife & my siblings. They were always discreet about it but as one of 7, it would have been financially too much to add me I think. I never minded, I had lovely holidays with my grandparents.
I think a lot of how stepkids feel about it is dependent on how the parent feels about it, so in this situation if DH has massive dad guilt they will see that, if their mum were to be angry about it they will see that too.
you are not doing anything wrong in taking your own child on holiday. Equal & fair are not the same thing in step families.

What an odd thing to say. I won't bother doing anything fun or even educational as my child won't remember it in years to come. Why did I bother taking my nan out for lunch when she had dementia and couldn't remember who I was?

Really bizarre view.

DH should go if he can. It will be magical memories for DC.

This. Just do it.

BB1603 - that is not right regardless of how you feel. Your DF chose to prioritis time and monies with one part of his family and relied on his parents to do his job.

That they were discreet,shows they knew exactly what they were doing repeatedly and it was calculated.

Glad you feel OK about it but I am sad on your behalf

You’re could be right & I’ve just become immune to it! I was very lucky with my mums parents, they went above & beyond to pick up the slack.

I would frame it as you'd like your DS to go as his dc have already been, so it's only fair really.

I don't think it should be framed as the half siblings already having been. The op shouldn't be limited to things her step children have already done.

The children have different mums, so they have different experiences with their mums. There is absolutely no need for anyone to justify this.

As long as the dad is offering all his children similar and age appropriate experiences then there are no issues.

I wouldn’t really look at it as “missing out”. Im
assuming your DSC aren’t with you and DH full time? As long at your DSC occasionally get to do an activity with their dad and have some 1 to 1 time then there’s no issue really. This is your DCs time with parents.
I’m also guessing you do other things with DC while your DSCs are with their mum? Or are you expected to save up all activities until DSC are there?

How old are your DSCs? Do you think they might get a bit jealous and DH doesn’t want the guilt trip?

OP take your DC and have fun.

What the SDCs have done with their mum is irrelevant.

If the DF of all children chooses to go aswell then fine but if he gets asked questions by his other DCs he needs an answer and saying well you went with your Mum is not going to cut it.

I would go for it, albeit it looks a lot better if dh doesn't go. If dh does goes then you are technically going somewhere as a family without sc. This could create drama whether they've been before or not. It could be argued that sc can take up to 5 days unauthorised absence from school, so they could go...
I personally do a lot of holidays on my own with dd, and fund it myself to escape such drama !

DSC mum is allowed to take them on holidays on their own.

DSC Dad (your DH) is allowed to take DSC on holidays on their own.

DC Mum is allowed to take them on holidays on their own.

Under no circumstances should DC be taken on holiday by both mum and DH TOGETHER. Even if Mum's paying for it. Even if it's outside school holidays.

Them's the MN rules

@Starseeking you forgot this one -
SDCs Dad is allowed go on holidays with his wife/partner, their DC & the SDCs but ONLY if his wife/partner is prepared to behave like a single parent on said holiday & do ALL the minding of their joint DC in order to facilitate the SDCs getting their dads full attention for the entire holiday, 'cos you know, the joint DC get to live with him so don't need to spend any down time with him!

@is this using money from joint account or child benefits etc or solely that you've earned/saved exclusively?

To me, that significant. As if it's financed from the household or joint savings, I think that your husband quite rightly gets a say in how this is spent tbh.

I do think that it's a bit shit. Yes sc have gone with their mum, but presumably all of their siblings whether half or step from her side as those times went and weren't excluded. You're purposely choosing to exclude your child's siblings that are a part of the household.

It's only two nights, so why can't you take them out of school or choose a time that they have inset days or similar? It's what you'd do if they were all your biological children.

It's what you'd do if they were all your biological children

This is such a useless thing to say on step parenting threads.

The fact is they aren't and they have a mother who's already taken them or could take them again if she wanted. If they were 'all biologically yours' that wouldn't have happened and the situation would be entirely different.

they have a mother who's already taken them or could take them again if she wanted

that’s a massive assumption to make about the finances of someone you don’t know on the internet. No idea how the first trip was financed, or any idea how any future trips might be financed. I do not think the OP is in the wrong in this case but it’s always a bit of a cop out to suggest all is well because the children have another parent to finance trips.

It's not a cop out. If they were 'all biologically yours' they wouldn't have another parent around who could potentially (or already has done in this case) do these things.

Whether their mum can afford it or not is neither here nor there really. They still have a mother and it's not their step mother. They still have the potential of doing things with their mother that their half siblings don't do. There's absolutely nothing wrong with their half siblings having the same opportunity to do things with their mum by themselves. Saying 'what if they were yours' is silly, they aren't and the situation is entirely different.