Being left out

[user1486133359]

I got married recently and my husband has shared custody of his child. He is totally obsessed with the child and I'm left out alot of the time even through I do most thing's for the child. I feel like a spare part and like I'm not even there sometimes. Silly things like the child asking him if he wants a drink but ignoring me, coming in from school and saying hello to him but not me !. Am I being stupid about this?. The child is nearly 13.

Stop doing most things for them. I’m not sure why you are? They come to see their dad. They should be polite to you as another adult in the home and your husband should be dealing with rudeness. But you have choices and I’d stop doing favours for anyone who was repeatedly rude to me, including my child and my step children.

Is your problem how your husband behaves towards you or your step child? How often are they in your home?

If you’re not happy and have tried to change things without success you don’t have to stay married. Life is too short to be miserable.

Marriage isn't a prison sentence. If you're not happy then you are allowed to leave. He's behaving really badly and his son is just the same. They are shutting you out of the family. What are your options now?

How often is your stepchild there? What happens when they aren't there?

Stop doing most things for the DSC it will only lead to resentment.

I agree with the others: just stop doing all the boring background work. It’s not your responsibility.

If your DH doesn’t correct his child every single time you’re ignored then this isn’t going to get better on its own. Address this with your DH. If he gets defensive, ask him if he’d feel about his son ignoring other adults - his GPs, his teachers.

I also recommend leaving them to have a lot of 1:1 time.
And stop doing everything. Be warm and welcoming but let DH do the boring stuff as well as the fun stuff.

I hear you, it’s so so hard. This happened to me for years with husband’s daughter. She ignored me, whispered to him when I was in the room, actively avoided being in any kind of contact with me. It was impossibly hard and you can only start to know how it feels if you’ve been there.

We’re still together but now live apart,
mostly to do with her behaviour. I hope you get some support.

*I hear you, it’s so so hard. This happened to me for years with husband’s daughter. She ignored me, whispered to him when I was in the room, actively avoided being in any kind of contact with me. It was impossibly hard and you can only start to know how it feels if you’ve been there.

We’re still together but now live apart,
mostly to do with her behaviour. I hope you get some support.*

WHY do men let their dc get away with this awful behaviour. If my dc behaved like that to anyone let alone a stepparent I'd go through them for a shortcut!

Just like other's said, it's not your job to do things for a TEENAGER. And in general, kids don't appreciate someone cooking for them.
He might be shy (I know because my son was), but his father should correct him (that's what I did with my son who was ignoring my DP, but out shyness).
Many step-mothers make a mistake of getting overinvolved, but it feels much better to just say hello, ask a couple of polite questions and do your own thing. I wish I new that years ago. Taking care of my now 15 year old SD didn't make her love me or, at least she's not showing it, and she does forget to say hello or bye sometimes.

Your OH needs to step up.
Stop doing things for the SC.
Leave them both to it and go out / see friends / do something for yourself.
I know it’s tough, I’ve been there. x

So sorry to hear you are going through this too. I have had it for 4 years (and DSS is only 12). I have raised it but just get shot down by DP and basically called a lier by his mum. So basically the green light to do what he wants. He is still very rude to me, but is more clever about it and doesn't do it in front of his Dad. So sad as when I started the relationship I wanted to have a close relationship with DSS. Now I just leave them to it. I think it makes it easier letting them have 1 on 1 time.