Feeling a little sad

[deflatedbirthday]

I've just picked up DSS from school. He came out with a slip for his end of infant school performance next week.

Each child gets two tickets and, quite rightly, his DM and my DH are going.

This is the part about step parenting I really dislike. I got a sudden lump in my throat that I will miss his performance. I've been rehearsing his (one 😆) line with him for weeks and I'd love to be there for his little special moment!

This happens frequently, where only two people are available and of course his mum and dad come first! Though I'm always an eager back up and do attend things when either one of them cannot, and at times when neither can. I'd never leave them with no one turning up to support them.

I can't have my own children (at least not at the moment) for medical reasons and I'm gutted when things like this happen.

I appreciate this isn't always the norm with step parents. Anyone else a soppy git like me?!

It's rubbish! Understandable but rubbish.

Aw bless you, you sound like you've gone for a very involved step parent role. I imagine it must be incredibly tough. Hopefully one day you will get to go to a performance.

Aw op I'm so sorry. It's wonderful that you're such an involved loving step mum. Is the school aware of his parents separation? Couldn't they give him three tickets? It seems reasonable to me ...

There will be too many children with a reason why 3 tickets would be good, and school halls aren't tardises.
Schools do run waitlist sometimes.

You sound like a wonderful step parent! He is a lucky boy that have (at least) 3 loving parents to him. Totally understand your’e upset, but maybe ask him to do a little reinactment especially for you at home?

@butterflyflutterby123 awww thank you. I'm just a big softie when it comes to DSC. School are aware (they've never been together whilst the youngest has been at school) but I understand why (from reasons PP mentions) why it's not possible.

@LilacRose30 thank you! I'm lucky to have such great DSC.

Back in the day performances could be photographed and videoed but that's not possible for safeguarding now. It's a shame but again completely understandable.

Yup it’s pants. I hear you.
lucky kid to have a stepmom who cares like you do

Aww, you have my sympathies. I've had stepchildren for 24 years now, and taking a back seat and coming second until anything needs paying for has just been a part of my life the entire time.

It doesn't change as they get older, but the pain of just being a face in the background becomes easier to bear. Take my advice, don't lose too much of your own identity in the process of loving them at arms length.

Sorry if that sounds bitter, I don't intend it to. It's been a rough few months.

I get it. I was really happy (as was dsd) when she managed to get extra tickets for her graduation. She lives with us full time now so she is pretty close to me.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time 😞

I do get where you are coming from especially with regards to paying for things! I never see them go without and In fact I pay for all their extra curricular activities (my choice and it's my time with them), but it can go unappreciated sometimes.

They have been in my life for a good number of years now and I cannot imagine my life without them nor do I want to go back to a life without them in it. Of course I love my DH, that goes without saying!, but I also adore his children and they and the relationship he has with them are a huge reason why I fell in love with him. I think they they are a part of who I am now. I think hope they feel the same. For example DH had to go away for a weekend a while ago, during our time. The DSC chose to stay with me even though the option of going to DM was given. They wanted to spend their usually days here and I took them back to DM at the usual swap time. It makes me so happy that they are comfortable enough to want to do that and I see that as a big co-parenting success.

I'm very grateful for my wonderful relationship with them. Especially when I read how difficult some families find the whole blended family thing.

Just by writing things out I feel a little less sad and more grateful for what I have. Thank you for all the lovely comments 😊

I would definitely ask the school about an extra ticket, they can only say no!

You sound like a lovely person. I started off feeling a little how you do but the exclusion and unkindness well and truly wore me down. I hope this doesn’t happen to you.

@HumptyDumpty2022 I'm sorry to hear that! I guess I'm lucky in that I'm not excluded as such, if there a third space it goes to me without question bit quite often it's just the two.

Exclusion within was the hard bit, not the school play / nativity stuff. It sounds like it’s working for you but don’t give up too much of yourself for other peoples kids. If you split from DH you’d unlikely see them again.

OuAwww there are so many downsides to blended families and I think this is a biggy that's not spoken about.

It does get easier and I hope whatever happens you find some peace.

Just on the infertility thing. Don't give up hope. I had every mums worst nightmare and went through the whole shebang and got my rainbow after alot of years hoping. I remember the pain. You aren't alone. 💐

Is there a school Facebook page or WhatsApp group where you could ask for any spare tickets? Happens all the time at ours, I always have a spare!

@pitchforksandflamethrowers thank you for your kind words. Whatever the future I'll be forever grateful for the opportunities I've had so far. I've just spent a really lovely evening with DSS at his hobby (I volunteer). We've been out in the beautiful weather. All the kids were fab and it reminds me how lucky I am.