Is this normal?

[Chedderbites2]

I realised that DP doesnt tell me he loves me in front of his family or dc. We have been dating for 20 months. His dc is 8 and we have met numerous times had trips away, sleepovers etc so we are all very familiar. It occured to me today when i left that he had whispered it in my ear - his dc was standing near us as was my dc who i have from a previous relationship but we openly tell each other we love each other infront of him. Thinking back hes never said it in front of his family or dc. Im not overally fussed i know what we have is genuine just after some understanding as to why this may be and if any of you have had similar

You say you are not overly fussed but it does seem to be something that's bothering you. Do you have any idea why that may be? Is it maybe you are concerned his son isn't ready to see you as a serious long term part of his life?

Fwiw I don't think my DH has ever declared his love for me in front of his family other than on our wedding day but we are probably different people.

Have a chat with DH and ask him gently why ?

Or maybe that he's trying to be sensitive to DC (fair given timelines) or will continue as a pattern which in that case you need to stamp it out as you can't be kept as a dirty secret and he would be showing on some level he feels guilty for loving you in front of DSC. Which is unhelpful at best

20 months is a short time for a new relationship with a child involved. He probably doesn't want to overface his child by declaring his love for you in front of them - I agree with him on that. He should put his child's feelings first, and you should be glad he's a decent enough father to do that.

Eh?? I don't think my DH has ever told me he loves me in front of others, I mean why would he it's wierd. Don't think I ever hear family or couples randomly telling each other they love each other.

I would think my DH had lost the plot if he started telling me he loved me in front of our kids or family, just why would you want that anyway? Are you so insecure about your relationship that you need declarations of affection in front of witnesses? Do you feel his 8 yr old needs it hammered home that he doesn’t love their mum anymore but loves you instead? Is that what you are doing to your kid(s) gushing all over your new DP at every opportunity? Talk is cheap IMO, you know when someone really loves you by the way they treat you and if they are there for you. If one of my close friends or relatives was all “I love you” with their DP while in company I would be suggesting they pack it in and save it for private.

Why do you need this?

I think that is the key question. Why do you need his child to hear your boyfriend tell you he loves you?

my parents have been happily married for fifty years - I have never heard my dad tell my mum he lives her - but I absolutely know he does.

it sounds like you want a big show in-front of his children.

It told it to you. Now you want a specific space ? YABVU OP.

Some people grow up being used to telling people they love them around other people, some don't. My husband's family all always finish a phone call with 'love you' (although I'm not even sure it's true in some cases!). In my family it's never said. Ever. And yet we have far better family relationships than my husband's family.

I don't think he means anything by it. I tell my husband and children I love them regularly but I can't ever imagine doing it in front of other people, not out of any kind of shame or anything sinister, just a hangover from my upbringing.

Because it's a normal thing for people to do and it's weird or hightlighs a problem if he feels uncomfortable to show it.

Basic needs you don't have to justify. Even sms ..

We are all different. I would cringe if someone told me they loved me in front of friends/family. In fact I have never heard any of my family or friends being told either.

Your kids do not need to know that you love each other. That's for you and him.

It is really weird to want him to publicly declare his love for you.

Save it for your wedding day.

I think it's nice that he's taking extra care in front of his child OP. I remember my SD's little face crumple when she saw her dad kiss me on the lips for the first time. He was oblivious.

He probably doesn't realise he is adapting his behaviour around his child. Have a chat with him, more to hear how he thinks the whole set up is going than for any other reason.

I don't know why you would want him to do that in front of other people anyway. I know we don't. We say it in private, that's it, and that's fine.

My parents adore each other. I have never heard them say it to each other and tbh I don't want to. It doesnt involve me, is a private emotion between them. They are affectionate and their devotion and respect for each other is obvious but we do not need it confirmed!

Come to that dh and I have never said it in front of our kids either, but it is implied in our respect for and our affection to each other.

Far more important that declaring it for others to hear.