Am I over reacting?

[dom41]

Hi everyone,

I am probably over reacting a bit but thought I would get some of your ideas!

Just picked my 5 year old son up from school and was called into the headteachers office. Today there were talking about themselves and their families and were asked what they liked and didnt like. He said that he liked me but didnt like my partner (his step dad) cos he punched him in the leg! I explained to the headteacher that they play fight every night and its my son's idea and he loves it! She said that was fine and that she just had to discuss it with me as they have a duty of care.

I tried to speak to my son but he says that he does like my partner and he didnt know why he said he didnt. I told my partner who is a little upset and is not confident now about any rough and tumble games with my son.

Should I just let the matter drop or try to deal with it? I am expecting mine and my partners first child together any day now so I am not sure if its hormones and stress making me more sensitive. Thanks for your help.

This is a hard one. I can imagine you thinking he wouldn't of said that he disliked your dp if he didn't mean it.
But, then again he is 5, his mam and dad do not live together and his mam and SD are about to have their own baby. Do you think he might be feeling insecure about his place in the family once the baby is born?

I wonder if he's worried about the new baby and whether he'll be left out? It's maybe not an easy thing for him to verbalise.

Or maybe it's all something and nothing. DD said she didn't like me the other morning because I hurt her when I brush her hair, and went and put herself in Mr Grumpy at school (they have to put their name in the Mr Man who most closely matches how they are feeling).

I'm starting to think it maybe nothing.When we were all home last night he was his normal self, jumping around like a loon!!!

It might be the baby causing him some anxiety but he keeps telling me he can't wait for the baby to come out and tells me how much he loves his brother!!!

Although my mum did tell me when I was at school I wrote a story about how she was a shouting mum who I used to lock myself in the bathroom from incase she hit me so maybe its just a child thing?!!

Thanks for your help, I'm gonna leave it to calm down and see what happens.

I have a 7yo dss, he lives with his mum, and his dad and me have just had our first baby.
He adores his baby brother but he has admitted to being a little jealous, as he now will need to share his dad's attention with his little brother. So it is possible for your ds to be both excited and jealous about his new brother or sister.
Dss has made stuff up about me, his dad and his mum at times, saying things like "Mummy doesn't play with me ever!" or "Daddy wouldn't let me have X" or "SM won't do this with me", which all turned out to be untrue. We all concluded it was attention seeking because he was feeling a little insecure due to our new baby's arrival, so we just tried to ensure that a) he had lots of involvement with baby and b) he got one to one time with his dad when he was with us.
I suggest you emphasise to your ds that he has a Very Important Job as a Big Brother, get him involved with things like picking toys/clothes for his new sibling, and make sure you have mummy and ds activities as well so he doesn't feel like the baby is taking you over.
Good luck, try not to worry and congrats as well!!!

I was thinking about this thread last night and remembered that not long after dd was born dsd went home and told her sister (who told her mum) that I had hit her and the boy next door! I was absolutely devastated as we had a really good relationship. And, of course, I'd never laid a finger on her.

What is your gut instinct about this? Have you ever thought there was a problem before? I was reassured by dh who said "I just don't get it you and she get on brilliantly and always have", friends all said "but you're so patient with her and you can see she loves you" and dh reminded me that strangers, eg people we meet on holiday, think that dsd is mine because of how we are with each other.

Looking back, I really think it was about dd's arrival. We did our best to make sure dsd wasn't jealous and had a big fuss made of her as well, but I think no matter what we did she was always going to have some feelings about it.

Also I'm sure she finds it difficult that dd has dh and I together in the same home - she has her mum and dad in different homes and has to split herself between the two when she'd much rather have her parents together. Does your ds see his dad?

And recently when dsd's mum has started to talk to me, she told me that dsd had never gone home and said anything bad about me and that I had never done anything wrong. She'd obviously forgotten about that incident, so that emphasised to me that there never really was a problem, it was just dsd trying to say "hey, I'm not happy about this and I don't know how to say it".

I don't mean to make light of it, but my dd (5) comes out with all kinds of stuff which seems to bear little or no resemblence to our life. They have imaginations, and they talk to their friends, and I get the feeling that they "cut and paste" things into their own life

Maybe he DOESN'T like it when your dp gets rough, but enjoys the contact?

FWIW, My dd sometimes also says she doesn't like my dh (her father!!) much. She prefers me. Really hurts dh, but it means he does have to work extra hard

Thank you so much everyone for your advice. Nothing else has happened and ds is happy as larry and spent alot of the weekend with dp who still refuses to have any rough and tumble with him! I have spoken alot to family and friends about it and they all think its hilarious as ds is totally in love with dp to the point of sitting looking out of the window when he is due home from work!

I think it was like purpleduck said where it was just abit of imagination and also when they asked him at school what he didnt like he said the first thing that came into his head because he doesnt really dislike anything!!!

Lets hope the next one is easier. If he ever shows up......