How do you cope when your SC’s mum seems obsessed with you and what you’re doing, and is forever contacting your husband to complain about things?
Bit of background so you get the full picture…
she and my DH share 2 children (17 & 13), were never married or owned property together have been separated for 12 years. They split up because she had an affair and she has had multiple partners since then so it’s not like she hasn’t moved on or wants him back. If anything she treats my DH with disdain which no one can understand and he’s a very good, involved, caring dad who’s very low conflict in his personality.
I’ve been with DH for 7 years and we married earlier this year so I’m not new on the scene either.
SC’s mum and I were pretty cordial at the start and I have my own 2 children who are a bit younger than my SCs (12 & nearly 8) so I would help her out with childcare in the school holidays and I’m always pleasant both to her and about her with talking to others.
Her previous boyfriend (not who she is with now as they split last year) was coincidentally a very good friend of mine’s ex husband and my friend and him share a child together. He wasn’t a very nice person and my friend and her ex had a very acrimonious split. As soon as SC’s mum started dating him the problems began.
She began picking fault with everything I did. All ridiculous things… examples include accusing me of quizzing the kids about their relationship, accusing me of being selfish when I bought things for my own children or our home and not spending that money on her kids, saying that I’ve upset her kids over things or situations that simply did not happen.
She would scrutinise any purchase I made, where I went or what we did as a family. It was exhausting.
She was also absolutely awful to my friend and her son which I found ironic considering she’d verbally tear me to shreds over any perceived slight against her children. All the while she was being deliberately unkind to her own partner’s son.
She also demanded that I stop being friends with my lovely friend because she didn’t like the link between us. I did point out at that at this stage I had been with my now DH for 5 years and had known my friend for 15 years and had no intention of cutting her off. It was her who had decided to date my friend’s ex husband and create that strange link between us all.
I found it confusing but I let it slide mostly and when she split up with my friend’s ex we all secretly breathed a huge sigh of relief. Things have been relatively calm and friendly again since she began to date someone new towards the end of last year.
The problem is the the new man she’s dating is a good friend of the husband of my best friend since childhood… Let’s call him Steve (not real name).
Steve is not only my best friend’s husband’s friend but his ex wife - let’s call her Kate, is also very good friend’s with their sister in law. So again, a weird link between us all had been created.
We had my SCs here all last weekend, had a lovely weekend and that is all.
Tonight their mum has phoned DH and caused a drama accusing me of quizzing my youngest SC (13) about her relationship with Steve and about Steve’s relationship with his ex wife Kate.
I do not really know Steve or Kate. Nor do I have any interest in the dynamics of any of the relationships at play.
I’m completely baffled! No conversations of that nature took place at all and I’m fortunate in that last weekend I wasn’t even alone with SK at all so DH can fully back me up!
But I feel she is becoming obsessed again by this link between us which I have no control over.
I try to ignore it but I’m concerned that she’s interrogating my youngest SC when she goes home.
It almost feels as if she’s deliberately picking partners that are somehow in my wider social circle to try and exert some control or power. It’s all very odd and I’m not sure how to handle it.
To put it into context we live in a city with a population of 500,000 people and live only 18 miles from the 2nd biggest city in the U.K.
This is not a small town with limited options to date or where everyone knows each other so it seems really bizarre that she keeps picking men who are close to my friends.