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Young adult-weed
17

Trickysituation08 · 09/06/2022 11:21

I genuinely wonder if I am unreasonable in my attitude.. So far I haven't said anything but it bothers me.
Adult DSD comes over and always brings weed with her. She smokes weed several times a day either in our garden or somewhere outside. All is very open with not a hint of anything being inappropriate.
I feel very uncomfortable about having drugs, even 'just weed' in my house. Her dad doesn't like her smoking weed, but reluctant to challenge in any shape or form.
Is it acceptable for most people? I am worried about her getting caught in the possession of weed in a public place. I am worried about having drugs in my property.. Do I just ignore it?

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aSofaNearYou · 09/06/2022 12:35

No you shouldn't just ignore it. I am pretty relaxed about weed but she should be asking whether it's ok to smoke it, not just sparking up. That's very presumptuous of her.

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ImAvingOops · 09/06/2022 12:39

I think it's really commonplace amongst young adults now, like smoking was when I was young. She should ask but I honestly don't think they even give it any thought - it's their norm.

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12Thorns · 09/06/2022 12:42

It’s not ok. She is giving herself permanent brain damage. Also risking severe mental
illnesss. Also supporting an industry based on child trafficking and slavery. For me that would be an absolute non-negotiable NO

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Blaze1886 · 09/06/2022 12:57

Your house, your rules

IMO an adult smoking weed is embarrassing

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CanaryWharf2 · 09/06/2022 13:01

Trickysituation08 · 09/06/2022 11:21

I genuinely wonder if I am unreasonable in my attitude.. So far I haven't said anything but it bothers me.
Adult DSD comes over and always brings weed with her. She smokes weed several times a day either in our garden or somewhere outside. All is very open with not a hint of anything being inappropriate.
I feel very uncomfortable about having drugs, even 'just weed' in my house. Her dad doesn't like her smoking weed, but reluctant to challenge in any shape or form.
Is it acceptable for most people? I am worried about her getting caught in the possession of weed in a public place. I am worried about having drugs in my property.. Do I just ignore it?

No, you are not being unreasonable, it’s illegal, impolite, and completely out of order.

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Trickysituation08 · 09/06/2022 20:30

Thank you.. It is reassuring to know I am not crazy. I can try to raise it with my DH and even if he agrees to introduce weed ban which I doubt I just know she will not come to visit. You would hope it gets easier when they are adults and contact time manipulation should go away.. It doesn't

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WhatNowwwww · 09/06/2022 20:36

12Thorns · 09/06/2022 12:42

It’s not ok. She is giving herself permanent brain damage. Also risking severe mental
illnesss. Also supporting an industry based on child trafficking and slavery. For me that would be an absolute non-negotiable NO

Where have you got this info from 🤔
OP you have every right to tell her you don’t want it in your house. It’s illegal after all and it’s your home, plus her Dad isn’t happy about it, so she should be doing it elsewhere.

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Aquamarine1029 · 09/06/2022 20:38

Of course you don't ignore it, and it's madness you've allowed it to happen more than once. You tell her weed is absolutely not to smoked or vapes anywhere on your property. End of discussion.

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ChickenBurgers · 09/06/2022 20:40

It’s the fact she hasn’t asked if she can smoke around your garden/vicinity of your house that I find rude. My weed smoking days are long behind me (and as a teenager tended to be in someone’s garage or car rather, not at home around my dad as he’d of hit the roof), but I’m still a cigarette smoker and I always ask where i can go to smoke if I’m at someone else’s house, I don’t presume I can spark up in the garden or in the house. If someone doesn’t want me smoking in the garden or out the front, absolutely fine I’ll walk down the road and have one. Idk it’s just common courtesy 🤷🏼‍♀️

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SummerTimeOnTheJerseyShore · 09/06/2022 20:44

I wouldn’t ignore it, her dad needs to tell her she’s not welcome to smoke it at your home. If she doesn’t like it, tough.

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Moosake · 10/06/2022 07:27

I'd approach it with a - there's a park round there you can go to but not on the property please. For a start it stinks. Blame the neighbours if it's easier.

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Starupinthelightningsky · 10/06/2022 07:28

Please show her the peer reviewed research on cannabis and the effect on mental health, particularly psychosis.

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MeridianB · 10/06/2022 09:09

Totally agree with everyone saying it’s bad, rude, unhealthy, illegal, etc.

It also smells foul and presumably she (and her bedding?) then smell of it. 🤮

How old is she? And do you have any younger children?

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ThuMuClu · 12/06/2022 19:01

The only thing that would bother me would be the smell.

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justamushypea · 13/06/2022 14:14

No. Weed is unacceptable. Do you have other dc?
We let DSD smoke in our garden, I know she smokes weed elsewhere but we refused to let her do it here. Her argument was that our neighbours smoke it so she can smell it anyway but we don't want to condone her smoking it and I wouldn't let my dc do it (and it is also against the law)

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finalpunt · 14/06/2022 13:15

Trickysituation08 · 09/06/2022 11:21

I genuinely wonder if I am unreasonable in my attitude.. So far I haven't said anything but it bothers me.
Adult DSD comes over and always brings weed with her. She smokes weed several times a day either in our garden or somewhere outside. All is very open with not a hint of anything being inappropriate.
I feel very uncomfortable about having drugs, even 'just weed' in my house. Her dad doesn't like her smoking weed, but reluctant to challenge in any shape or form.
Is it acceptable for most people? I am worried about her getting caught in the possession of weed in a public place. I am worried about having drugs in my property.. Do I just ignore it?

I think there a couple of things here. Habitual weed smokers do not have a problem with carrying weed around with them or smoking it anywhere. There is not a hint of it being inappropriate as they do not feel it is so.

Also attitudes towards weed is changing the world over and in reality UK are slightly behind the times - this is why there is such a high level of crime around it, if legalised there would be no need for county lines etc.

You can in fact get medical cannabis in the Uk prescribed and also there are now strains of high strength CBD and very low THC plants. I know that DSD in particular will only buy from her friend who grows these for that reason.

It is very challenging to try and use the but its illegal when even the police will walk past people smoking and not comment - they have too much pressure so someone smoking a joint to them is not worth the paperwork. Someone carrying quantity enough to distribute - totally different matter.

I think that you need to understand what you are uncomfortable with and set the boundaries that way.

Do you have alcohol in your home? If so it's challenging to use the don't want drugs as people who smoke weed will tell you that alcohol is far more damaging. Clearly its not, its all dependent on the user.

You say she just won't come around if challenged - how do you and her get on normally? I don't agree to just leave it to dad as this is your home. IF you have a good relationship with her then I don't see why you can't talk to her about how you feel about things she does in your home?

What if you don't confront but tell her why you feel uncomfortable - are you really worried about her being arrested or your home being raided? Valid and reasonable worries but not likely to happen.

My DS and my DSD (both adults) both smoke weed but after talking to them and doing on research we came to agreement so they can still come visit us but I have ground rules.

They all come for dinner on Sunday - they are not allowed to bring weed (I mean I don't search them but they are not allowed to get a joint out in front of me or sneak off to smoke it). They may have smoked it before and no doubt after but during family time on Sundays.

If its summer and we are having a bbq/get together in garden then if they ask me first sometimes I will let them bring it because they don't really want a drink (neither really drink)but again they have to check because they know there are certain family members that it would upset and out of respect they are not to do it.

I expect them to be mindful and respectful of where they smoke it as I know if I banned it outright then its a bigger battle. Are you generally anti cannabis or are you genuinely concerned? Does she suffer anxiety or smoke it for a reason in particular or is she just a stoner? DS suffers social anxiety and has CBD vapes that he will use if going out and about, would she consider this instead whilst she is at yours - there is no harm telling her if you don't understand it and are worried and don't like it being done around you and in your home.

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Lostillusions · 14/06/2022 13:22

WhatNowwwww · 09/06/2022 20:36

Where have you got this info from 🤔
OP you have every right to tell her you don’t want it in your house. It’s illegal after all and it’s your home, plus her Dad isn’t happy about it, so she should be doing it elsewhere.

Cannabis is linked to the trafficking and enslavement of children: www.theguardian.com/news/2019/jul/26/vietnamese-cannabis-farms-children-enslaved.

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