SWEARY WORDS BELOW
I’ve been with my DW for 5 years, married for 3. We have a DC together who is 5 months and she has two other DC. Neither of them have contact with their other natural parent and have not done so since they were very young.
The issues are with the older one, who’s 13. It’s relentless and has led to me to question whether I should leave my marriage. We own a house, mortgage is in my name. I do the vast majority of day to day things for all three children - washings, ironings, meals, school lunches, general housework, taking to hobbies etc. Our baby isn’t sleeping through yet so I haven’t had a single night of undisturbed sleep for many months. I’m still on maternity leave and my DW works full time.
I could list a million examples of why I’m at this stage. He’s rude, arrogant, selfish and completely unpredictable in his behaviour, mostly towards me but to both of us.
He refuses to do things such as make his bed or bring his washing downstairs, unless he wants to do so (“Fucking make me, try it”). He enters our room when I’m trying to settle the baby and when I ask him to go, he stands over the bed and refuses (“What you gonna fucking do? Go, put your hands on me, do it.”). Doors are slammed constantly and he shows zero regard for the sleeping baby or anyone else. For the record, there’s no violence, he like to challenge as he knows it won’t happen, calling me names like a poof and a wimp for being scared of him.
I’m not scared of him, obviously, but I can’t react.
Last night, everything was absolutely fine then he asked to hold the baby right at their bedtime, so I said no. I explained why, that I was trying to settle them and brush their teeth (we’ve just started this as their first tooth has shown up) and he accused me of “only caring about yourself and the baby”, which is complete rubbish. I asked him to leave the room several times and he refused. Instead he stood at the door saying “cunt” over and over again. I couldn’t count how many times in the last few days I’ve been called a bitch, fat cunt, faggot, dick, cow. Anything, everything. He’s told me to die, that he he wishes I burned to death in a fire. Nothing seems to be off limits.
He’s lost all privileges (for another issue a few days ago) - electronics, pocket money etc, but the impact of this is negligible, to be honest.
My biggest concern is my baby growing up in a home where they think it’s ok for their Mum to be spoken to like that, to be challenged to a fight by a teenage boy. I can’t do that, it feels like a complete disservice to my child.
My DW feels she has exhausted all options with him, sometimes she literally says “I don’t know what else to do”. I told her last night that I was questioning things and feel that I may be forced to go, which I think scared her. I don’t think this is her fault; he’s so unbelievably challenging. By far the worst behaved child I’ve ever come across.
Any advice, suggestions etc?