This is definitely longer that it needed to be, I’m sorry! Trying to be thorough.
DSC are DSD10 and DSS12. Their father and I (him41 and me47) have been in a relationship for seven years and living together for 6 years. We have DSC basically 50/50, live within a mile of their DM home and school. I have no children.
DP and I got engaged a month ago. DSC haven’t noticed the ring. Not surprised as they don’t have such things on their radar. My partner’s lovely mother (his surviving parent, I don’t have any surviving parents) doesn’t know either.
We have just bought our first house (familiar, just as close to DM and school, the street where one of their BFF’s used to live etc) and they know all about that, and everyone is excited of course!
Plan is to take them all down to the house when we get the keys to run around excitedly and measure alcoves etc, and say “And also daddy and I are getting married!” And see where the conversation takes us. I’ve also got the line “Nothing changes except you guys all have to come to a party in [my former home town]!!” Which is true as far as they’re concerned…I guess? Wedding will be 2023 and we plan to bundle it into a UK summer holiday with the kids. Honeymoon later.
When the DSC were younger they’d ask if we were getting married. I don’t know if their DM had planted the seed or if it was part of the straightforward way their thinking went eg Adults are in Relationships which naturally equals Marriage. It seemed like the latter at the time. I enjoy being reminded of how simple life can be when they say stuff like that, as they’re free from all the nuance, factoring and worry that grown ups wrestle with iyswim.
DP is going to draft a message to his EW to send the day we do this, during the running around and measuring, so she knows at the same time. “Yes darling, mummy knows too!”
I suppose I should describe the relationship with EW: it is almost entirely civil, however she does rather treat DP weirdly when she arranges things for the DC to do last minute so arrangements change. We don’t always know what’s happening each week. It’s very frustrating, and he is considering moves to formalise the arrangements but as he has them often (time wise, just not always on the same set days) he feels it isn’t pressing to…launch proceedings. She and I don’t talk as I can say no to her, where DP struggles. EW and my last WhatsApp convo from a few years ago is me saying “That won’t work for us” #thanksmumsnet But she is just as stable as we are, and none of that factors into this conversation…?
We don’t think our engagement will be a surprise to anyone. Our families have seen our committed relationship. EW will not be surprised, we don’t think. She is in a long committed relationship also. Her DP lives and works in another town and has DC with his ex and we speculate the only reason they don’t live together is due to the logistics.
But obvs we haven’t done this before ha ha. Anything glaring that I’m missing that people do/say in these situations? What might the DSC say or think? In some ways I’m thinking of this as two major life events that are inevitable, just get the telling part done, and react to the reactions. Which I am 99% sure will be positive OR WILL THEY 🤪