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Step-parenting

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Original poster

My step-daughter hates me

44 replies

MrsAmbitious · 30/05/2022 03:36

I've been with my husband for 5 years, married for 1. He has 3 children, 1 of which we have shares custody with his ex. She's literally going to causing me to ask for a divorce!!! Sad part is she's only 6. Yes, I've been in her life almost the whole time, but at first, she was just clingy to him. But ever since he asked for my hand in marriage, the little demon has come out of her. She even told him that if he marries me, she would be so sad and angry at him. She's constantly trting to push her way in between us and she even went as far as to tell him that she wants to do the stuff she hears on the tv ( so long story short, when we have sex, he turns the tv loud). This cant be normal behavior. The part thay makes it so bad is that he doesn't discipline her or sets any proper boundaries. And when I say something, its like he's clueless and doesn't understand my point. She told him before " daddy i wish you never met her and love her and you met me and ask me to marry you and i be your girlfriend and sleep with you every night". Her mother hates my guts because she's been trying her hardest to get back with my husband and was devastated when she found out we were married so I figured she's telling her daughter things. But my point is what am i to do when dad sees no wrong? My children are 19, 17, and 12 and witness her grtting away with this behavior daily and its altered their behavior because of what she gets away with. Please advise me if im being irrational because I'm losing my mind.

OP posts:
Finallylostit · 30/05/2022 23:26

Sorry OP - this is turning into utter bs

A woman with a 1 yr od was having sex with another man, in the middle of the night with older kids in the apartment and baby who was still probably waking in the night whilst her DP was oblivious.

Then the apartment becomes a house!

The judge gave the mum temporary custody and you are going to go back so you can have all week and mum get weekends - this kid does not like you - how the hell do you think that is going to work. Are you having the other 2DCs aswell

2237 you post - they have been at th river for hours - she is 6yrs old

You allegedly hate her can not stand her behaviour but thank god it is only the weekends - but you want full custody

this is a troll

Creatororthread · 30/05/2022 23:49

Did you not read properly? Why would i troll when this is completely breaking me apart? Its hard to digest this is coming from a 6 year old but whatever, i have to live this daily. And to be clear, he has only one child with his ex. The older 2 are from a previous marriage. The ex had another man in their apartment together while he was sleeping yes! I ended up renting him a room in my place. That was 5 years ago. The child will be 7 next month. We just recently purchased a house TOGETHER after 1 year of marriage.

candlesandpitchforks · 30/05/2022 23:57

Finallylostit · 30/05/2022 23:26

Sorry OP - this is turning into utter bs

A woman with a 1 yr od was having sex with another man, in the middle of the night with older kids in the apartment and baby who was still probably waking in the night whilst her DP was oblivious.

Then the apartment becomes a house!

The judge gave the mum temporary custody and you are going to go back so you can have all week and mum get weekends - this kid does not like you - how the hell do you think that is going to work. Are you having the other 2DCs aswell

2237 you post - they have been at th river for hours - she is 6yrs old

You allegedly hate her can not stand her behaviour but thank god it is only the weekends - but you want full custody

this is a troll

Why is it whenever someone's being really vile on a post. It's always you ? Sigh

You really must stop projecting your own issues on to random posters. For the love of god.

Creatororthread · 30/05/2022 23:58

I did all of that for years! I loves her like i love my own, I'm a stay at home mom and wife so I spend majority of time raising her and like I said, all was well minus the sever attachment to dad, up until the proposal. And it becake worse after the marriage. We did trips, games, orbeez fights, i bought her a huge trampoline, a pool. Like all this stuff i did for her because my kids are a little older. But its never enough. So im not missing anything because i raised my kids wonderfully. As far as the sex, we always have sex after midnite, when she should be sleep. But she literally sits there whenever shes awake sometimes with her ear to the door. She just doesn't want him with me. I do great things for her but its only for a moment with her. Next moment, its like i never did anything nice. This is why I had to stop. Its a waste in my eyes at this point.

Creatororthread · 30/05/2022 23:59

Thank you. Because I'm literally dying inside and only want help to save my marriage and my mind from leaving him 😔

candlesandpitchforks · 31/05/2022 00:01

Op you have a DP problem. I suspect you know that deep down 💐 Being a step mum is hard and to enable a healthy relationship with DSD you need to sit down with DP and say right are we on same page as x, work is it your family house rules that everyone abides by and set consequences if they are broken.

Also please ignore the regular people who aren't SMs and spew vile.

Creatororthread · 31/05/2022 00:10

Thank you but I've tried......for a long time now. This has caused so much emotional trauma to me that i dont know how to feel anymore. From dealing with his ex always trying to cause grief with us to the daughter helping her, its too much. His ex has even gone as far as telling him my oldest son was touching my stepdaughter. We know its not true and she never mentuoned it again, it was just to cause a disturbance at my house and piss me off. Sorry i dont understand the abbreviations being this is my first day on this forum but i needed an outlet. I'll learn what all the abbreviations mean soon enough.

candlesandpitchforks · 31/05/2022 00:17

Dp - dear partner
DSD dear step daughter
DSS - dear step done
DSC dear step children

Gosh that's a lot of dears. Ok so what has your partner done to help tackle these issues ? You sound exhausted (also check out step parenting support page if this thread gets filled with usual bile) people haunt this board who aren't Sm or even part of blended family and project a lot of their issues at poor unsuspecting OPs (original poster aka you in this situation)

Creatororthread · 31/05/2022 04:09

Thats a big part of the problem because he hasnt done much. He pacifies her. He thinks the things she does is funny and cute because she's so small and its sickening because he doesn't understand how its going to make her worse.

Finallylostit · 31/05/2022 09:53

Thank you candles - having an opinion is not being vile.

Can safely say I am not projecting any of my issues

And am DM to 2 and SM to 2 - so think that allows me to have knowledge and experience on this area of family life.

Willyoujustbequiet · 31/05/2022 11:25

She's 6 and you called her a demon?

Poor child.

WhatNoRaisins · 31/05/2022 11:48

Does this child have anyone sensible looking out for her?

SpaceshiptoMars · 31/05/2022 14:58

Insecure little girls snuggling up to Daddy all the time is par for the course in SM world, sorry. Even insecure older girls in their teens and 20s! Patience, kindness, firm boundaries and making them feel secure - long job, months and months possibly years.

What is really worrying is the sex talk. That's a child protection issue. What is the deal with the ex? Live in boyfriend? Porn watcher? Is somebody watching porn with DSD? Are you 100% sure of your son? It's probably a dodgy boyfriend, if the ex has a poor track record, and she's trying to put the consequences onto you...

SpaceshiptoMars · 31/05/2022 15:11

Smacking DSD for parroting some else's nonsense is not on though. A stern telling off, an explanation about hurting people's feelings would be more useful. Don't punish the child for her mother's mischief. (Physical punishment was quite a thing in my childhood - I got walloped with a stick across the back of the hands for mucking about in class aged about 7. Not a fan.)

WooNoodle · 31/05/2022 16:35

You have a massive DH problem. There is nothing to be done other than leave him. He smacks a child for repeating what they have been told. A 6 year old does not truly understand what they are doing. And all the sex stuff is odd and disturbing.

candlesandpitchforks · 31/05/2022 21:55

Everything @SpaceshiptoMars has said unfortunately op.

I also tbh don't know if this is a workable situation.

Original poster
MrsAmbitious · 01/06/2022 16:50

I agree! I know for sure my son hasn't touched her. There is NEVER a moment they were alone. Like i said, I'm a stay at home mom/wife so I'm always around. I suck at getting my point across so alot of times, i get misunderstood. But the things i explained and don't need much deep thought as I've been getting in the responses.. the events I explained went exactly as I explained them and it's hard to believe or maybe empathize with because of the terminology I used. I'm beginning to feel like it's my life, my problem. And if God brought me to it, He'll bring me through it. I'm done with this thread because I don't want to be taken out of context again smh. Thank you to al that had input

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 01/06/2022 17:57

I did all of that for years! I loves her like i love my own, I'm a stay at home mom and wife so I spend majority of time raising her and like I said

Your own kids are older and in school surely? So it's more a case of you don't work...SAHM and housewife are just fancy ways of saying unemployed, even the kids are in school.

I think your relationship happened very quick and I've heard a lot in my years, but another man in the room/apartment while he was there and she has a 1 year old is really something else.

A pp called it, even she said its going to be a case of she cheated...because it always is whenever close timelines are pointed out.

Your 19 and 17 year old... and even the 12 year old should know better than to change their behaviour because of a 6 year old. That's madness.

SpaceshiptoMars · 01/06/2022 20:45

SandyY2K · 01/06/2022 17:57

I did all of that for years! I loves her like i love my own, I'm a stay at home mom and wife so I spend majority of time raising her and like I said

Your own kids are older and in school surely? So it's more a case of you don't work...SAHM and housewife are just fancy ways of saying unemployed, even the kids are in school.

I think your relationship happened very quick and I've heard a lot in my years, but another man in the room/apartment while he was there and she has a 1 year old is really something else.

A pp called it, even she said its going to be a case of she cheated...because it always is whenever close timelines are pointed out.

Your 19 and 17 year old... and even the 12 year old should know better than to change their behaviour because of a 6 year old. That's madness.

Think you're jumping the gun there Sandy. She says they met because he arrived as a lodger, not a boyfriend.

An SAHM mum to four 'unemployed'? Really?!!!!

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