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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Teenagers room

36 replies

Xpel · 15/05/2022 19:59

Argument between me and H this evening, need a rant!

I have joint DC with DH and he has two teenagers (13 & 15) who share a room here (a room which is always a tip but part and parcel of teens I know!).

Anyway, he's rubbish at enforcing rules regarding their room. I'd prefer it if they could keep rubbish, glasses etc... out of there and open the window for a bit in the mornings as it gets really smelly but it's never enforced and I hate always being the one to nag so I've gotten to the point where I just leave them to it and don't go in there at all other than to occasionally air it out when they go to their mum's. I don't strip the beds anymore or anything so they don't get done for long periods of time either, something which when I asked about on here previously I was told I shouldn't be going in their room anyway without permission so..

On Friday I had a day off work and DC was in nursery and my plan was to clean the house (we have a toddler DC so...!). Spent all day doing it, cleaning and mopping the kitchen, scrubbing skirting boards, dusting, hoovering, tidying, moving crap to the attic out of the way ect!

DSC due to stay that night and were moaning (not much, they have a few moans every now and then but they are generally pretty good kids) their room hadn't been done, DH then questions me on why I haven't tidied their room when I was doing the rest of the house!

Erm because it's a pig sty and they are old enough to look after it themselves!? Even my toddler helps me put their own toys away.

I completely get that teens are messy, I accept they aren't going to have an immaculate room and that mine will also likely be the same at their age, but not sure why that means I need to go in and tidy it when it's gross! I'm not a slave.

Anyway .. rant over. Pissed me off that instead of saying 'well tidy it then' to them he made it out like I was being unreasonable for not doing it for them.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Mumoblue · 16/05/2022 14:04

They’re old enough to learn that the consequence of not tidying your room is having an untidy room.
Your husband needs to get his head on straight.

HardRockOwl · 16/05/2022 14:21

I don't have step children but I do have my own! My youngest is 15 and his room is immaculate - I just wander in there every day and return it to perfection!

He knows that anything I may happen to come across not in its place or just thrown on the floor has the high chance of being binned. This means he tends not to do this

I know it's crucial to teach them to keep their own spaces tidy but there's something pretty grim about just shutting the door on a room in your own house that you know smells / is a tip etc.

I don't consider myself some sort of slave. Part and parcel of teenagers and home life and like I said above, I'd never have a filthy room in my house

KylieKoKo · 16/05/2022 14:26

However, I was once told on here I should end my marriage as I obviously don't like my DSD because I handed her a plastic bag and asked her to pick up the rubbish that she had artfully strewn around her room

Yes how dare you! You should be grateful for the privilege of picking up her rubbish 😂

Original poster

Xpel · 16/05/2022 14:47

HardRockOwl · 16/05/2022 14:21

I don't have step children but I do have my own! My youngest is 15 and his room is immaculate - I just wander in there every day and return it to perfection!

He knows that anything I may happen to come across not in its place or just thrown on the floor has the high chance of being binned. This means he tends not to do this

I know it's crucial to teach them to keep their own spaces tidy but there's something pretty grim about just shutting the door on a room in your own house that you know smells / is a tip etc.

I don't consider myself some sort of slave. Part and parcel of teenagers and home life and like I said above, I'd never have a filthy room in my house

Each to their own. I don't see why they should get a nice clean room if they can't at least be respectful of it personally and I'm not going to waste my time tidying their mess.

It does bug me, but not enough to do it myself. I'd rather just close the door and leave them to their filth ha.

OP posts:

KylieKoKo · 16/05/2022 15:41

@HardRockOwl I would feel terrible chucking their stuff away! I think that's something a parent can do but not a step parent.

Just to be clear if the room smells or gets grim dp cleans it or tells them to. I just don't get involved.

Youseethethingis1 · 16/05/2022 15:44

Or at the most, stick your head around the door to Febreeze the shit out of it then hasty retreat. Anything you do after that is a massive favour and really up to teens and parent to sort out.

HardRockOwl · 16/05/2022 16:41

@Xpel you're right - it is each to their own. I just couldn't sit in my home knowing that one room was filthy. It would really bother me

@KylieKoKo oh I don't really just bin things left right and centre! I don't need to

And if truth be told, I just like things tidy and clean

KylieKoKo · 16/05/2022 16:51

I just couldn't sit in my home knowing that one room was filthy. It would really bother me

@HardRockOwl being a step parent involves learning to let go of things that would normally bother you in your own home. Messy rooms are generally the least of this 😅

GarlicGnocchi · 16/05/2022 17:38

Youseethethingis1 · 16/05/2022 15:44

Or at the most, stick your head around the door to Febreeze the shit out of it then hasty retreat. Anything you do after that is a massive favour and really up to teens and parent to sort out.

Hahaha yes I might stretch to this.

MeridianB · 16/05/2022 19:53

I wouldn’t even entertain this conversation with your DH. You tried to address it previously and he played the Disney card so he doesn’t get to even ask you this question. What a cheek!

if he feels strongly about it then he can clean up the room. Or better still ensure his DC do.

RedWingBoots · 17/05/2022 15:18

HardRockOwl · 16/05/2022 14:21

I don't have step children but I do have my own! My youngest is 15 and his room is immaculate - I just wander in there every day and return it to perfection!

He knows that anything I may happen to come across not in its place or just thrown on the floor has the high chance of being binned. This means he tends not to do this

I know it's crucial to teach them to keep their own spaces tidy but there's something pretty grim about just shutting the door on a room in your own house that you know smells / is a tip etc.

I don't consider myself some sort of slave. Part and parcel of teenagers and home life and like I said above, I'd never have a filthy room in my house

There is a thread elsewhere on MN on how to foster a good adult relationship with your DC. Maybe you should read it as it starts when your children are teens.

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