In a bad mood until DSC arrive

[GarlicGnocchi]

He can be in a right grump all day but then lo and behold the DSC turn up and he's all sunshine and rainbows and isn't life lovely. Getting sick of it. We have a shared DC and it's not fair on them.

It often does.

He needs to sort himself out because his behaviour is damaging your relationship and his youngest child.

From your comments, he obviously feels the need to compensate for the perceived lack of interest in his kids.

You say it's their home BUT they dunt live there full time, so it's not the same, however you spin it and will not feel as much like their home, as it is your kids who live their all the time.

15 minutes is too long to say hello to them IMO.

I've been at my brother's house when his kids from his first marriage come in and my SIL (their SM) is very friendly and gives them a hug. It could be it's because they have a good relationship avdv she is happy to see them, as they would go their even if my brother wasn't it.

In your situation, it sounds like you're not bothered whether they come or not...which is up to you, but I think that's why your husband goes extra with it.

In your situation, it sounds like you're not bothered whether they come or not...which is up to you, but I think that's why your husband goes extra with it. yeah fair enough. I'll just let him get on with it and act like they are the second coming while I get on with actually making their dinner.

If I hugged them they would not be happy

So he’s basically the usual entitled grown up man baby who can’t regulate his moods and lives life being facilitated by women until they’ve had enough of his behaviour/immaturity and dump him (like his ex) what kind of life does his ex have now OP without him? I bet shes having the best time right? Maybe time to reflect on that

When my DC go away for say a scout camp for two days I always go and greet them at the door with a big cuddle and kiss (even the 6 foot 4 16 year old). When DSS used to come as a child he would get the same treatment as we were pleased to see him. His siblings would be all over him. It's nice to feel welcomed.
Your DH though sounds like he is being an arse the rest of the time and he is the problem.

Thing is, being nrp is an utterly shit situation.

imagine being made to live apart from your kids, especially if they’re young, and only seeing them every other weekend.

you would plan on making that time amazing, doing things you wouldn’t normally do, and avoiding arguments and stress. You can’t maintain the same relationship as you do with someone you live with.

i dislike the “disney dad” thing as I think it’s an entirely normal response to the nrp situation. If you do normal boring shit or pull them up on behaviour constantly then you worry they won’t want to come.

i saw my brother go through it and yes he was a stresshead in the run up to a visit because he hadn’t seen them for ages, hated the fact they were rapidly growing away from him, that he couldn’t keep that relationship that you get when you’re there every day, reading bedtime stories and helping with homework. He’d be stressed about all the plans he’d made, would they want to go swimming, would they eat the food, should he let them have macdonalds? Also aware that they didn’t have their own rooms and all the computer consoles etc they were used to- he was living with parents as he couldn’t afford a place where they could stay.

how old are your dc o/p? It may get easier as they get older and can do things with the step dc. You could take them out for a few hours and leave him to it, spend some quality time yourself.

If you want to Disney dad it up, then don’t get remarried and have another child. It’s not ok to treat some of your children like the second coming and then sulk whenever they go back to their mum’s.

disney parenting is bad for children. And everyone around them.

I do agree with him, though, that you should drop everything and go to the door to greet them when they arrive

Absolutely ridiculous. People can do this if they choose obviously but is not wrong to not immediately drop what you're doing and greet every family member at the door! I can't remember the last time I got up when DSC came in to greet them. I treat them the same as any family member, they let themselves in and I say hi when they walk past me 🤣 I'm not stopping what I'm doing to make a big special thing about them just arriving home thanks.

He may miss them, and he may be anxious to see them but he needs to nip this grumpiness in the bud. It's not okay for the rest of his family to deal with that, especially your joint DC. And no, them living full time with you doesn't mean it's okay for him to be grumpy all the time around them.

You need to have a serious conversation about his attitude. It's not your or your DCs fault that his older DC don't live with him. If he can't be happy/ not grumpy when they aren't around he had no business creating another family with you.

Then you have absolutely no business having more children who have to live with you acting like this imo. Just like it's not the DSCs fault, it's not the resident children's fault either. They don't deserve a 'stresshead', grumpy dad because he can't deal with his own guilt.

Go to counselling or whatever, do something. Absolutely not on to take it out on the other people living with you.

I’m sure the lazy NRP apologists will just tell us some variation of the younger children should simply be grateful that they get to live with their dad all the time trope.

I probably do need to cut him a bit of slack. It must be hard but I do things he needs to tone it down a bit with the grumpiness before hand.

Absolutely this. One of the reasons I left my EXDP is that he used to treat his DS arrival like the second coming of Christ, whilst he barely looked at our shared DC who lived in the same house. He treated our shared DC as if they were mine only, and made no effort with them whatsoever.

Your shared DC will pick up on this as they grow older, and notice the dynamic just as you have, and possibly internalise it (is there something wrong with me that dad is always grumpy until sibling arrives).

If your relationship is to survive, he needs to take on board what you are saying, or get counselling to help him through it. Otherwise the resentment will build up, and he'll end up in the same situation with your DC. Take it from one who has been there and left the situation!

*Take it from one who has been there and left that situation!

@mnhq why are quoted posts cutting off like this since the new update?

Also their mum is usually there waving at them and I don't want her having anything to do with me or my DC.
Why the hostility? Perfectly within your rights but seems very uncomfortable for all.

I do not want my SC’s mother having anything to do with my children either. Or me. She’s behaved dreadfully towards me and is a reprehensible human being.

imagine being made to live apart from your kids, especially if they’re young, and only seeing them every other weekend.

Well he knew all this before he married OP and had children with her. He’s not entitled to sit around feeling miserable and grumpy like he would be if he stayed a single man. He’s being selfish thinking he can do both.

What's appealling about your shitty, lazy husband? Women running about after him, raising his kids, cleaning for him, pandering to his vile moods and him treating his offspring differently. Why?

He needs to stop making kids.

What's that got to do with DH being a grump? I have my reasons and frankly it would be better if she could just stay in her car rather than coming up to the house.

Bit harsh no one is running around after him.

Are you not doing his share of household duties? Pandering, trying to cheer the fucker up? Trying to disguise his preference for his other kids to yours? His ex ferrying his kids to him?

I'm not doing all his share. I don't wash his or the DSCs clothes. He does do chores grudgingly. No I don't bother trying to cheer him up. I'm not a clown. An as for the ex ferrying them to him, wtf..perfectly standard for each parent to do a journey each isn't it?

Sounds great, enjoy! 😂

I will thanks 😂🤣🤣😂🤣🙂