Too much or aibu?

[beachcitygirl]

Ok. I have grown step/ kids so it's a bit different. They're all ok. Like his ex (their mother ) better than them if I'm honest.

However they have children & my dh is very very involved with his grandkids. They're not small. Age range 8-15

I have a 17 year old. With asn. So is you g for age.

My dh thinks of her as his child & is wonderful with her.

The problem is - he wants us all to be one big wonderful blended family & in theory id like that too, but it's a very very one way street.

His (grown) kids do & say nothing with/to my child, don't treat her as part of the family. Not unkind just uninterested but I'm expected to ooh and ahh over all their kids's everything & I do mean everything. Every dance display, every football game etc is meant to be met with cheers & high fives & gushing fb posts. When I don't I'm accused of uncaring.

This week my child is doing highers, I'm up to my eyes with work & he is furious that I won't drop everything to visit all of them tonight. He has to see them all at least twice a week, and he always goes to them - they never come to us. He says (rightly ) that he loves & cares for my child & I should do the same for his.

But this week it's tough for us & he is stomping around furious. It's not seeing them that's the problem, this week is a problem & if I'm honest the one way street of it all is pissing me off.

Should I force ourselves on the long drive & trail around 3 houses when my child has a higher this week because he's so good to us
Or
Should I put my foot down this once.
My child gets easily overwhelmed & 3 visits on day of higher English exam seems ridiculous to me.

Help.

[finalpunt]

You are not BU.

I have adult DS & 1 DGC from him, Adults DSD 2 DGC from her.

DH adores all the DGC but is more likely to go out of his way with oldest DGS and would pop in every 5 mins if he could (not to see DSD though just the DGC)

I know he truly loves others and we have them at ours, DS's LO stays over and is grandads bestie.

DH and I have been together for 17 years and DS lived with us, now DSS lives with us so have been thrown into different mixes over the years and have been a constant in all there lives be it they lived with us or not.

I love my DGC those that are related to me blood and not.

I would not tolerate this though if DH stropped every time I said no. In fact last night he wanted to do something for DSD and I told him that I just couldn't, was knackered and had already had a long week, off he went and no more was said.

If you get on well with them, text and explain that you won't be coming because your DD has her highers and you are really busy. I think you need to sit him down and explain it as you have here or the resentment will build.

[finalpunt]

My dh thinks of her as his child & is wonderful with her. Also remind him of this and explain that what she really needs is to be home and not stressed as this is an important time for her.

[aSofaNearYou]

Your husband is being really ridiculous about this week and this massive overreaction from him would really worry me. It's perfectly acceptable to be too busy sometimes, especially in the midst of exams. His attitude is really off.

[Summerholidayorcovidagain]

He isn't that great if he can't accept your own dc needs you at home right now. Not being party to The Great His Dc Show.

[EL8888]

It’s a crucial week and YANBU anyway. You are engaging way more with The Great His Dc Show, than l would ever do. Lots of vibes for your child’s highers

[GarlicGnocchi]

It's exam week. That comes first. He's being a dick.

[Youseethethingis1]

If he thought of her as his child he would not have even asked this of her this week. Unless he didn't really care about his bio DC exams and stress either. In which case, fair enough, he is truly and equal opportunities twit.
Put your child first. Mr Wonderful will get over himself, she only really has one shot at this.

[beachcitygirl]

Thanks everyone x

[thing47]

@GarlicGnocchi

It's exam week. That comes first. He's being a dick.

Yes, this. It's possible that he isn't being a dick overall, but he definitely is at the moment. The DC who has exams takes priority.

[malificent7]

He is a knob. Stick to your guns