Step- parents- do you all have a poor opinion of your dp/dh's ex?

[pinguthepenguin]

Ok, I'm just curious. In no way am I wishing to judge,offend etc. For the record,I've followed loads of threads on here and there are some woman who deserve a medal.

I think that when we are with our new parteners, and they discuss the breakdown of their previous their relationship we naturally take their side of the story to be the most truthful. I guess it would be odd if we didn't.......But are there any step parents out there that think their dh/dp's ex and mother of their children is actually a really nice person? Are there any of you who aren't dealing with an obstructive, greedy scorned ex wife, who makes your lives difficult?

And what I'd really like to ask is: have you ever been led to believe that the ex was 'a bitch'- only to realise that actually, she is perfectly sane and reasonable person, and in fact it may be your dp/dh that has/had the problem?

Would appreciate your input.

To Pingu - I've never disliked the x-gf (and she was always very pleasant to me) but now I'm also an 'ex' of the same man I realise he may have told me quite a few porky-pies about their relationship and that she probably put up with an awful lot of nonsense from him - as I did a few years later.

My dps ex is very magnaminous...seeing as he practically left her for me (a long story before anyone judges!). I totally respect her. Im sure she hates me really but is always at the very least civil and polite. I have 3 stepchildren (7, 12 and 14) now who stay at least every 2 weekends and they are all wonderful and we get on fantastically - I love having them around although it is exhausting!. I had a daughter (now 16 months) with my dp and the stepkids adore her (I feel very lucky about all this. I think the ex realises how good I am to her kids and how much I look after them. After all I could have been a total bitch-from-hell-stepmother!

@ManxMum: Love the idea. Can I buy into it & pre-order both types of cards ;-)

No mine DH's ex is completely insane. Literally! I've been with DH for 13 years now (longer than they were ever together) she still has weird jealousy issues with me. SD lives with us now (has been for the past 6 years) and before that lived with her GP. Her mum is very nasty and selfish, she has 2 other children (by different dads) who now live with their father so she's living the life of a single 18 year old at 35.

She caused my DH so much grief when they were together. Needless to say SD (15) hasn't spoke to her in 6 months because her mum slept with one of her (male) friends who is 16. that shows you what kind of person she is.

I have got on for 12 years very well with ex wife always by telephone. We could chat about anything and both had the MIL in common so that really broke the ice. I found her hilarious and so supportive of me with the 2 dss who were often difficult. Almost all contact with ex wife was left to me by dh as he could not cope with talking to her. We would speak at least every month despite the boys having grown up. They split years ago due to her alcoholism. He always spoke highly about her though in every other regard.
She died 2 weeks ago, collapsed at home alone with a twisted bowel. I was and am so sad. I was surprised how tearful I felt. I wish I had met her as in a way she was a most unique friend.

Dp's ex is ok with me. She was fine and actually quite excited when we announced I was pg. She is friendly if I go to pick sd up. I have even stuck up for her or seen her side of the story when people like MIL have been slagging her off.
However, i do not have any respect for her and think she is a bad mother as she doesn't feed the kids properly, spends all her time and money in the pub, leaving sd on her own or with her 16 yr old brother. Alterntively she drags sd round the pubs. She doesn't discipline the kids and lets them do whatever they want. Now we are having to pick up the pieces as sd has had enough of her mum neglecting her. So I suppose I do have a pretty poor opinion of her but it is not without good reason.

I have no problem with her at all, especially since I became a Mum myself and found out just how hard it is. DH has always slagged her off for being hysterical and a useless Mum. Of course I took it all in to start with but the longer I was with DH the more I realised what a SHIT he could be and felt very sorry for her having to put up with his shit with three kids to look after too. Am still with DH - though have been times when I wanted out. He can be lovely and also bloody horrible. Personally I think HE was probably the one with a problem - not her - I'm sure she wasn't perfect - but then neither am I - is anyone?

To be honest - sometimes I wish I had the guts she did to leave him.

Thanks guys for your posts. I appreciate them.

Marge2- your post is interesting because you can actually see that your dh had some responsibilty for the ex's behaviour/breakup.