Big row tonight.

[37GoingUnder]

My DH has been difficult to live with lately coming off anti depressants in the incorrect way and now trying to re introduce them. We had a big row tonight about lots of things but the thing he’s fixating on is that I dared to even utter a small amount of annoyance at my SD constantly using my phone charger and lying in our bed while her phone charges. She has her own room, and with the amount of them I’ve bought for her, surely must have her own phone charger, I don’t believe I’d be any less irritated if it was my own kids doing this. Does this really make me a terrible step parent? I wish I hadn’t bitten back now as we’ve got into all sorts of territory I wish we hadn’t, I really think he just doesn’t like me anymore.

I wouldn't be happy with my dsc lying on my bed charging their phone. They've got their own beds and their own chargers. I wouldn't mind if they borrowed the charger to use in their room as long as they put it back when they were done. But not on my bed.

One of mine sometimes lies in my bed while charging her phone, I don't really mind as she has a loft bed and has no accessible plugs and she would go if I asked her to. However, some feckers stole my charger out the kitchen despite having at least one charger each, it's doing our tits in. I

Do you snipe at her? Or is it your dp just being a dick?

I did make a comment about how there were more in the drawer in the kitchen and was it really so hard to look so perhaps I could have handled it better. I try hard not to pass any comment about anything to do with SD at all, as DH just goes down my throat so I think it’s just spilled over a bit.

Did you and DH have a discussion over coming off the anti depressant tablets ?

It can really mess with someone's MH when they do that and they aren't the only one who suffers, I would be pulling him up on that tbh (not coming off them as that's personal choice - but going cold turkey as that can trigger a massive depressive episode)

He let the tablets run out then complained he hadn’t time to get more, he was off them for about a week in total. I think it’s a relatively low dose that he’s on, but it was enough to notice a difference. I don’t know much about it but I do know that’s not the right way to come off them is it?

@37GoingUnder even with a relatively low dose of its built up in his system going cold turkey but forgetting to renew his tablets is a rubbish thing to do.

I will also say as someone who's had them in the past and various mental health practitioners in the family often people on anti depressants when they start working people think they are "fixed" and come off them or get lax with taking them. However if not handled correctly they effectively go off a chemical cliff. It's something most people even on a low dose need help support with.

You know that depression can make the person a lot more argumentative (past what they normally would be if they are well).

I would be annoyed and would have said something to either my DSD or my DD.

I think your DH has actually been a bit of a arse tbh.

I may be reading more into this… but You can’t say anything about dsc? You’ve started a conversation you wish you hadn’t? Bedrooms are generally personal space, and imo it’s fine to enforce respectful behaviour on this aspect with people you share your home with. This includes children, as boundaries are important and no one should think they have the right to overstep. The meds are another matter and I can’t really comment.

Chargers have been the cause of more than one big row in this house and I don't have DSC. they're my kids and they constantly nick my chargers and it does my head in.

Yes @Lollypop701 he’s a total Disney dad and it doesn’t matter who suffers as long as DSD gets to do what she likes when she’s at our house. I’ve learnt not to have anything to say or it just causes too much trouble. We’re all pretty harmonious most of the time, but it does bubble up from time to time like it has tonight.

I would personally just tread really carefully until he has stabilised his medication. It can be hard enough if you taper off then yet alone if you suddenly stop. Then once things are stable have a chat with him about how you need to be able to discuss the bad as well as the good if this is to work. Same as any family. If a kid was doing something you didn't like you'd be free to ask them to stop.

You could try removing the charger cable when you aren't using it? I've given up trying to get my DP to understand that the whole family isn't entitled to use my things and eat my treats etc without asking. So I password and put away certain stuff to make it no longer the easier option than actually looking for theirs. I've found that much more effective than talking and it's easy enough for me to grab things when I need them.

DP complains about his kids taking his phone to play games without asking, for instance - they don't know the pass code for mine, problem solved. :)

I wouldn't like my step son lounging about in my room either so YANBU. Why shouldn't you get a say on what goes on in your home and your bedroom? It's your home and your room!

When was the last time you lazed about on SDs bed?

Have the row, KEEP having the row and speak to her directly, she is NOT To use your bed.

That’s hard to live with.

I wouldn’t let my DS lie on my bed to charge his phone. He’s got no reason to be on my bed at all. I don’t lounge around in his room either.

its hard because, in my experience, I would actually be just as annoyed with my son and much more firm about it. But Disney dad would pretend it was some sort of conspiracy against his kids if I had a problem with anything they did - however much it inconvenienced me.

it’s not my fault he is afraid that his kids don’t love him enough to just want to see him so he panics that anything other than lying down and asking them to walk all over everyone will mean they won’t want to see him. Ironically, he feeds that problem constantly.

Yes, that’s how it is thank you @SoggyPaper

we’ve had a better day today but he’s still made a few comments about how every argument we have turns into me ‘having a go’ at his daughter which I think is unfair.

Just tell him you don’t want ANYONE on the bed you sleep with him on. It’s not about having a go, it’s about boundaries

that is… if he actually values ever having sex again

Let him make comments, and comment back that it’s not personal but she is not to lie on the bed you sleep in, nor enter your private space.

I dont think being a step parent means you cant tell off your step children, ever?
Tell her get back to her own room. Your human and pissed off. She ll live.
Get Him told.

Lots of fathers are not at all happy if a SM tells off her SC.

It can feel like your SC could punch you in the face and their father would be annoyed at you for not smiling and thanking the SC.

I don't even like my own children using my charger and they're not allowed on my bed unless I'm in it too so you're totally not unreasonable at all.

Thanks for your comments, I feel better having had your reassurance that I’m not being totally ridiculous to ask that DSD doesn’t lounge on my bed using my things.

Meds must be kicking in for DH, today I’m told he feels more like himself and he admits he’s been ‘a bit grumpy’. I’m still furious TBH.