Dp and I being pushed apart by trivial crap

[freezingcold]

OK, have changed my name for this, but am at screaming point.

I live with my dp, we have been together for 8 years and lived together for 5. We live with his ds's 21, and 18, my ds 14, and our dd 18 months old (biiiig gap there!)

This is the problem. I feel the cold really badly, and always have. His 21 year old ds tyrns the heating off all the time, without asking. I am sick of being cold in a house where I pay the sodding bills.

I have come in tonight, after being sat in a school for 21/2 hours with no heating. Picked up dd, gone home....no heating AGAIN. My ds has come in from his paper round freezing cold ( he finds it difficult to wear gloves and fold the papers).Too cold to bath dd as bathroom couldn't warm up in time This has erupted yet again into the mother of all rows.

He has been told time and time again, but nothing EVER changes, and I have just had enough of having no control in my own house. My ds and his other ds always ask if they can turn heating up or down.

I have had 5 years of this, and cannot face another 5 years or whatever. I do feel the cold exceptionally badly, which I accept caould be a problem (although, it never was until we moved in together)

It sounds so trivial, but I fanatasise about coming into a warm house like I always used to.

Dp sulking upstairs... me fuming ( not enough to heat me up though!) downstairs. Am totally pissed off

I feel angry for you too. If it were me I would just go out and spend the money on a lockable box over thermostat (get a local handy man to fix it on), and lock the house windows and keep the key in your handbag or something. You have discussed it with dp and dss and nothing has changed.

This is not just about you being cold, the little one in your household will be feeling it too and it's not on!

Hmm, doesn't sound like a hot/cold person thing to me, but a CONTROL thing. He knows you hate a cold house and he is deliberately making it so. I think you need to have a chat (with your DP) about basic house rules and treating others with consideration. Does he do anything else or is it just the heating?

(and I am an inveterate opener of windows, but I would never turn the heating down if asked not to!)

Being 21 and not paying any bills and behaving like this sounds like toddler behaviour in someone masquerading as a grown-up.

Your dss is taking the piss, and he probably knows it. He knows that it is something that upsets you and is not behaving reasonably.

My stepson is 20 and he also never feels the cold and says that the house is too hot. But, he would not dream of going and fiddling with the heating controls. To be honest, me and dp pay the bills (he doesn't pay any rent because he is training at the moment and therefore on a low wage). And I think it is reasonable to tell him that, as he does not pay the heating bill he should have absolutely nothing to do with the thermostat.

Of course, let him do what he likes in his own room (stepson has the radiator off and the windows open all the time). Fine, as long as he keeps his bedroom door closed (which he does).

Agree that it might be a good idea to lock the thermostat, however you may find that there will be another problem, or something else that he does that will annoy you. I have the same thing with my stepson, he puts his dirty laundry in the kitchen in front of the washing machine, for the fairies to do presumably. I suppose that's what step families are all about though, lots of petty little annoyances which need to be nipped in the bud. Luckily we get on really well, he's a great boy and I love him to bits, so when he pisses me off royally the annoyance doesn't tend to last!

It doesn't sound like this is only about the heating to me.
I didn't understand whether is was a huge row with your SS or your DP. Do you feel that your DP is backing you up enough with this? And do you feel that you are able lay down the law to your SS?
It's so difficult to know how to handle situations like this as a step mother. My DSC are a lot younger that yours, but we seem to have similar situations. I'm constantly feeling angry at my dp for not fully backing me up over certain issues, while I don't always have the confidence to approach my DSC myself.
This has turned very small incidents into huge dramas!

Well, thanks so much for all your kind posts.It makes me feel much better Me and dp argue about it so much that it has almost become a no-go area.

I thought I was being unreasonable........

Have you turned his radiator off yet

Not sure if it is just about heating, but I think it is tbh.

Dp does back me up so far........then says "what can I do? I can't stop him doing it..."

Where do you buy thermostat locks from. Have looked online, but don't know what I am looking far...

I've just looked online and found a thermostat lock box - but on an American site.

I suppose you could always ring a plumber to see if they can supply and fit one?

Sorry but I agree with morningpaper about the environment thing.