Next steps please help?

[Sunshine847]

Hi everyone, new to this page but really after some help. I don't want to go into too much detail as would go on for pages...but DH and I together 8 years. I have DS 11, then DSS 13 and DSD9 and our DS7.

We have always wanted 50:50 but DH ex very difficult and verbally abusive to DH so he settled for every Thursday and EOW fr-sun and half holidays.
Kids very happy here, all 4 get on well and all have their own rooms etc. We do lots of games and days out the 6 of us. Just a normal blended family. (With some ex stress in background)

Few issues with kids has meant DH wants 50:50 more than ever, he wants more input at the school/dentist etc. (I won't go into all the details).

He tried mediation but she spent the whole session just shouting and saying he was a horrible person...and mediator said they had never had someone so unwilling to compromise and mediation could not continue. She wouldn't agree to allow kids to speak to someone about their choices either.

What are the best next steps. I am terrified of court in terms of her reaction and how much more difficult she'll be and any potential impact on the kids mental health. Or do we leave it and just be their for them as much as we can?

I'm at a loss of next steps. We are walking distance from their school and mum's house. I take DSD to her club every week picking her up from her mums and dropping her home.

Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated. I always don't know if our marriage could take thr stress of court...(I know that's very selfish)
Thanks

When was the last attempt at mediation? They should have given your husband a C100 form which allows you to apply to the courts for their support on putting something in place that's beneficial to the children. It's only valid for 6 months so if it's past that, reapply to mediation again first. If she doesn't respond or isn't cooperating they will give the form you need again. As said courts will look at what is best for the children so if he wants 50/50 he needs to present a case to why including how it will work. We do 2-2-5-5 and I know some do alternative 7 days but for
us, that didn't work for DSD clubs as her mum just wouldn't take her so she'll miss out.

Even with your current arrangement, he still should be included in school/dentist etc.

Because your ss is 13 what he wants will be a major part of the courts decision so perhaps have a conversation with him 1st as if he doesn't want to change contact and your dh doesn't have a very good reason for wanting the change then it won't happen. As your sd is only 9 she will have less say at court but again if she doesn't want it to change its unlikely to be changed especially if her brother is against it.
Basically unless there are serious issues (safeguarding, neglect etc) and/or both children want the change its unlikely to happen and would probably cause more problems for you in the long run for nothing.
As for wanting more input around school, drs and dentists that fairly simple to deal with for your sd more difficult with ss. For both with school your dh contacts the school and asks to be copied in to all communications and meetings. When it comes to your sd with dentists and drs appointments your dh should make the appointments and go with sd. It's more difficult with your ss as he can be considered gillikic competent and refuse to have any adult there with him and unless there is sen or serious mh problems no dr/dentist will treat him without his consent so again it comes down to what ss wants.
Without knowing what has caused your dh to 50/50 custody noone can tell you whether the court would think its a valid reason (not asking for more details just explaining) so it really depends on what the children want and whether it's in their best interests to change the custody arrangement which if its just for your dh to have more input at school etc then its unlikely as he can do that now without going to court and really should have done so years ago so won't look good in court especially when he's had atleast 8 years to do so but hasn't bothered.