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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Don't know how I feel having DSD over the holidays

40 replies

xXwhenwillitendXx · 05/04/2022 20:31

DSD8 is due to break up for Easter holidays. Mum has asked if we can have her for a week as she feels she would get bored at her nans.
We are all working over the holidays but I work from home and more then happy for DSD to stay with me while I'm working (only work 3 days a week anyway)
My concern is that my job consists of being on the phone most of the day so DSD will just be sat quietly watching TV and my toddler DD won't be there as she will be with Childminder. I've asked DSD how she feels about it and she said she will glad of the peace and quiet away from sister and being able to watch movies all day, but I feel really bad about this as its not going to be much of a holiday for her.
We normally try to get away for a long weekend over the Easter brake but we are in the process of buying our first home atm so can't really afford it, so this is adding to worry.
Neither Mum or Dad can take leave from work as they save it for the six weeks holidays and over Christmas.
Can anyone offer any advice??

OP posts:

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stillavid · 05/04/2022 20:32

I would let her watch tv and enjoy the peace and quiet :)

Original poster

xXwhenwillitendXx · 05/04/2022 20:34

In all fairness she probably would be more then happy to sit in front of TV, she probably gets tired of me nagging her to do something more useful with her time

OP posts:

excelledyourself · 05/04/2022 20:36

Can dad maybe squeeze in one day, even a half day, in the middle of your three working days?

Even if not, she'll be fine. It's a few days. It's good for them to learn to entertain themselves. Some tv, some puzzles, colouring in, even a couple of wee jobs to do. She'll live.

Greensleeves · 05/04/2022 20:37

I'd get some nice snacks and drinks in for her and let her chill in front of the telly. She knows the deal and has said she's happy with it.

Sleepeatrepeat · 05/04/2022 20:37

For 3 days I'd let her watch crap on TV!

I had covid in the week before Xmas hols as did dd. I was able to wfh so dd literally watched endless shit for 8.5 hours a day whilst I worked for 5 days.

Worked well. She watched sod all the rest of Xmas!

Florencenotflo · 05/04/2022 20:37

Kids need some down time every now and again. If she's happy watching Tv for most of the day, let her. It won't do her any harm for a few days.

Original poster

xXwhenwillitendXx · 05/04/2022 20:41

Dad can't get any time off. She's said she's happy to just be able to see dad more, even if that's only in the evenings bless her.
Not sure she will be saying the same when I'm waking her up at half 6 to take toddler to childcare

OP posts:

GeneLovesJezebel · 05/04/2022 20:45

You’re very good to offer to have her, as you’re under no obligation to provide care for her.
I think watching tv for a couple of days sounds glorious !

Blahblahblah40 · 05/04/2022 20:57

Bless her. I’d have her and let her watch movies and chill for a few days while you work. Make sure she has jigsaws, drawing pad, books and whatnot available as an alternative if she gets sick of the tv/iPad/kindle. Maybe you guys could do a lunchtime walk or something together if you have a park nearby? You will defo have to set out some ground rules for the hours you’re working, but maybe get Dad to communicate them so you’re not the bad guy. 😉

aSofaNearYou · 05/04/2022 20:58

Can't help but feel a bit cynical about two parents who "can't get time off" to look after their own kid.

Could she do half of the week with you and half at her nan's, so she's at least actually got some company and variety?

springsmiles · 05/04/2022 20:59

Can she have a friend around at all to play or for a sleep over ?

Im working at home for part of the Easter holidays and I'm planning on inviting some play dates over. Children who I know will be nice and well behaved. I invite them over mid afternoon, let them play then make some easy tea when I finish work

converseandjeans · 05/04/2022 21:02

Three days should be fine - maybe get her some nice treats in for the days she's home. She can play with toddler when they get home.

Would childminder take her?

Maybe do something in the evenings after school with her?

ConkerBonkers · 05/04/2022 21:04

I would let her stay and enjoy being able to watch what she wants in TV and read etc. Get some snacks in for her and I'm sure she will be fine. I think it sounds like this is what she wants to do, and it doesn't sound like she will be any trouble.

liveforsummer · 05/04/2022 21:05

It sounds fine. Lots of people having to make sacrifices just now and this doesn't seem like the worst of them to any extent especially as it's only 3 days. My dc are so busy and 3 days down time is sometimes a well needed rest . At 8 though, the same age as my dd I'd probably leave her in bed for a 6.30am school run if it's only short. What time does her dad leave?

DisforDarkChocolate · 05/04/2022 21:07

Three days of that sounds fine. I'd be making sure I had a nice lunchtime with her and leave her to it. It still gives you two days to enjoy something more fun if you want.

HardbackWriter · 05/04/2022 21:09

@aSofaNearYou

Can't help but feel a bit cynical about two parents who "can't get time off" to look after their own kid.

Could she do half of the week with you and half at her nan's, so she's at least actually got some company and variety?

If they both work then it's completely normal that they can't cover all the school holidays - most people don't have enough leave to manage it - and so there will be time when she's not at school but neither of them can be off work. There is childcare in place (Nan) so it's not like the parents have just dumped the SD on OP with no alternative.

Original poster

xXwhenwillitendXx · 05/04/2022 21:09

From the comments it looks like it's fine to have tv tome for a few days.
I've only just thought, I could of found a fun holiday club for her, will remember this for next time.
@liveforsummer I was thinking this as I'm gone for 15 mins max, and mum and dad have both left her for 5 mins to pop to shop, but I think as she isn't mine I'm more over cautious with her and would never forgive myself if anything happened.

OP posts:

familyissues12345 · 05/04/2022 21:11

If you're happy to have her, then I'd let her get on with having a few lazy days. Sounds like bliss!

HighlandCowbag · 05/04/2022 21:14

I'd get dh to drop toddler off if possible so she can stay in bed.

Original poster

xXwhenwillitendXx · 05/04/2022 21:18

DH leaves the house at 5.30 - 5ish so he can be back home for 3 in the afternoon.

OP posts:

liveforsummer · 05/04/2022 21:25

@xXwhenwillitendXx

From the comments it looks like it's fine to have tv tome for a few days. I've only just thought, I could of found a fun holiday club for her, will remember this for next time. *@liveforsummer* I was thinking this as I'm gone for 15 mins max, and mum and dad have both left her for 5 mins to pop to shop, but I think as she isn't mine I'm more over cautious with her and would never forgive myself if anything happened.

I'd ask her what she'd prefer. I'd definitely wake my dd up before I left but happily leave her chilling in bed at 6.30am rather than make her get up and dressed for the sake of 15 minutes if she was comfortable with that.

BadHairDayExpert · 05/04/2022 21:26

She is 8.
Popcorn, choc, crisps, onesie and 3 x throw/duvet day
sounds fantastic. Can I come?
On the other days, maybe bake/choc crispie Easter nests and an egg hunt, there may be a local one.
Tesco also have Easter crafts and books from a pound.
She culd make some Easter paper chains and a wreath for you or decorate a tree.

BadHairDayExpert · 05/04/2022 21:26

could

BadHairDayExpert · 05/04/2022 21:27

I would also leave her in bed

HardbackWriter · 05/04/2022 21:32

@xXwhenwillitendXx

DH leaves the house at 5.30 - 5ish so he can be back home for 3 in the afternoon.

He'll be home at 3? That's even less of a concern then - she'll be entertaining herself for a good chunk of the day but not for hours and hours on end, and will have adult attention and time for a good proportion of her day (a bigger proportion if she sleeps in!)

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