Shit. Did anyone fall pregnant pretty early on with new partner and it worked out?

[fuckwhatshouldido]

NC for this.
Been with DP 6 months but have been friends for 20-odd years, since we were kids. Both our respective marriages ended early/mid last year. 6 kids between us (3 each) ranging from early teens down to preschool age. Both of us definitely committed and in it for the long haul. The relationship is the best I’ve ever been in - communication, respect, ticks all the boxes. Both totally in love and everything going amazingly.
All kids get on with each other and grown ups, we generally see each other as a group once a fortnight or so (had recently decided to aim for a bit more often, once a week ish)…keeping it fairly slow with the intention of getting everyone used to each other and hopefully working up to spending more time together and potentially moving in at some unspecified future point (thinking years not months) provided all kids ok.
I’ve just found out I’m pregnant. Very very early days. I’m kicking myself and all over the place. Anyone been in this situation? What did you do? How did it go? Or if you weren’t in this situation - what would you do if you had been?!
NB I’m totally financially independent, could have the baby without having to live with him etc if it came to that. No joint finances or anything like that.

I have a friend who’s gf got pregnant very early on, he had a DC but she didn’t, it’s all gone brilliantly, they’re happily married, his DD loves her SM and is besotted with her sister. But that’s completely different to your set up.

Good luck. Have you told him? 7 children is a lot of children. Are you planning to move in together?

You'll be fine either way and that's good. Don't become reliant on him in case it doesn't work our

I have a friend who got pregnant on the second date. 2 children and 20 years later they are still together!

Same happened here, partner has 4dc and I had 2dc. Stayed living separately for a while but then worried about the baby being confused as they were turning 1 and moved in together.
All 7 dc live with us and all has worked out well with us as a family.

I was really panicked by the pregnancy at first but some one reminded me that If we could provide the stability and wanted the baby then it's not a negative! The older dc adore the youngest and it's a bit like he's the bridge that brought our family together.

@bounce89 thank you for sharing, that was exactly the kind of thing I was hoping for!

@AnneLovesGilbert told him yesterday, he looked like he was going to collapse for a couple of minutes and then he said he loves me and is happy to have this baby and we’ll make it work however it works, even if it’s unconventional to start with.

We talked it over (and over!) and I think we’re going to tentatively go ahead but just carry on as we are for now in terms of gradually getting the kids used to being around each other and us as a group; not rush moving in together and just see how it goes. He’s said he’s happy to go at my pace will be there for absolutely anything I need. I’ve said there’s no need to jump in and start changing things…we’ll carry on as we have been and adjust how we work as needed.
So now feeling cautiously optimistic and maybe even a bit excited. Although still shitting it!

DP and I had been together 6 weeks when I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant. Oops! But I wouldn't change any of it for the world. I was completely prepared to do it on my own and I knew I'd be fine. But it all worked out completely. We're still together and had a second DC last year. Engaged and happy! Sometimes things just fall into place. You're certainly in a more stable position than I was so good luck!

My parents. My mum was pregnant 2 months into the relationship. They are still together over 30 years later. I have a half brother also.

Me and my partner. I got pregnant within less then a year and we are still together 14 years later.

I think some that are sharing their experiences don't have existing children from previously relationships 6 children in total is alot nm a 7th, I'd imagine blending will be very hard and confusing for existing children if their parents marriages have ended, they will be grieving their own family units 6 months is nothing. It might be not you want to hear but it might be a hard road ahead.

OP, my biggest concern in this situation would be how do I teach my young teens and pre -teens about sexual responsibility in a situation where I was modeling behavior that I would not want them to follow.

You are both adults and will manage this situation one way or the other, but how will your children handle and perceive the situation?

Would either you be very accepting of one teens coming home and declaring that they totally and madly in love with a bf or gf of 6 months and that they are pregnant? I would imagine from the teen perspective that it would appear to be a discrepancy between what you preach and what you practice. That aside , if you want and can afford to support the additional child , you will probably not have any issues apart from how the existing 6 kids may feel about the situation.

@Bananarama21 yes I’d thought the same re some previous posts, lovely as they are, accidentally falling pregnant with no other children in the mix is a very different situation than mine! I am still apprehensive as to how things will pan out but am going to stick to the plan of not rushing despite this, and just see how things go. All the children seem to have handled everything really well so far so fingers crossed this doesn’t tip them over the edge.

OP, my biggest concern in this situation would be how do I teach my young teens and pre -teens about sexual responsibility in a situation where I was modeling behavior that I would not want them to follow.

Am less worried about this to be honest - there’s only one teen and the others are all primary down to preschool aged so this is less of a concern at the moment than making sure they’re all happy and ok no matter what the situation.

OP, your children will probably be fine. He and his children on the other hand may have to make more of an adjustment. Having 3 children it is unlikely that he was planning on having more children. If you are financially stable and relatively independent, having another child, even an unexpected child, is not an unmanageable situation. Your children won't feel that they will be losing time with you because of this new addition to the family. His children may, particularly if you move in together , may feel that other children may be seeing more of their father than they do.

On the whole, you sound like a woman who is prepared to handle whatever comes her way , and your kids are your priority as they should be. I would guess that you are equipped to handle this situation regardless of how it goes.

My best mate was pregnant after only 4m, they're married with 2 kids now, having just celebrated 23 years together.

@fuckwhatshouldido I fell pregnant after only a few months with my now DH.
We'd both been through really acrimonious divorces with abusive exes and I was very focused on settling DC and SC. Pretty much trying to compensate for the distress and upheaval.
So it wasn't even a gentle, cheerful situation like yours sounds.
I was worried that a new baby would be like a bomb going off.
What actually happened is that they all jumped about in excitement when I told them about the pregnancy (I mean that literally) and all of them loved the baby and were so sweet with her.
So in my case it went 100x better than I'd feared.

Having 3 children it is unlikely that he was planning on having more children.

I wasn’t planning on having more children - ex had the snip after DC3 (so this will go down like a lead balloon on his end, as it will with DP’s ex I’ve no doubt) 🙈

DP has his kids majority of the time (usually 5 days) so hopefully they won’t feel too pushed out. Mine go to ex EOW (youngest sometimes less due to medical stuff). It’s just all a bit daunting and feels like there’s so much to untangle but maybe that’s just the nature of things. I carry small so we won’t be telling the children until much closer to the time - aiming to tell them around the end of summer when I’ll be about 6 months if I can hide it that long.

@Weatherwax13 thank you for your story, it’s wonderful - I’m so pleased it worked out so well for you! Did you move in together straight away? How did your respective exes react (something I’m quite worried about on both sides)? Gentle and cheerful is about right - obviously both sets of kids have had a fair bit of upheaval but they are always front and centre and they do all seem pretty happy, although of course it’s a long game and there may yet be repercussions much further down the line. But your story is what I’m (probably naively!) hoping for - I think most of the children will be pleased (or at worst neutral) towards a new baby; fingers crossed it goes as well as it did for you!