Another bedroom thread

[youreallyarefantastic]

I came here to see if there was any other threads on bedroom arrangement issues - the previous one got loads of feedback, but our situation is quite different so hopefully you guys can help here too!

Me and DH together for ages, married for 9 years. We live with my DSS16, DSD13 (they are siblings from DHs previous relationship) and our DD4 in a three bed house. The third bedroom is tiny though, hardly big enough for two beds.

DSS16 lives here full time, he sees his mum only v. occasionally and hardly ever overnight - he has the second biggest room. DD4 also obviously here all the time - she's in the box room.

DSD13 was staying only two nights a week so we put her in with our DD in the box room on a pull out bed - not ideal but the best arrangement we could come up with. It now looks like she will be here 4/5 nights a week and I don't think it's fair on either her or my DD for them to be sharing the box room anymore. What do we do?

I had thought to move the two girls into the second biggest bedroom, but DSD is still seeing her mum overnight so that means when DSD is away my DD has the big room to herself and DSD is cramped into the box room...

Extra info for anyone who is interested: we live in a council house so I wonder if we could apply for somewhere bigger - obviously not a priority for them though! DSD suggested she could share the big room with her brother. Me and my partner don't think siblings aged 16 and 13 of different genders should be sharing a room, DSS wasn't keen either. I know the council says you shouldn't do this, but they also say the box room isn't big enough for two people. It wasn't an issue when we moved in as DSD wasn't with us that often, but now I'm really stuck.

I'd go with your suggestion of DSD and DD sharing the larger 2nd bedroom; and DSS having the box room.

We all know it's not as simple as getting a bigger house so this makes most sense in my eyes.

Although DD4 may have the larger room to herself on occasions, it's looking like it could only be 2 nights a week. The reality is the majority of the time DSD will now be with you and it's unfair they're both cramped into the box room.
DSD and DSS definitely can't share at their ages, and if DSS isn't happy at the idea either, surely he'd rather have the privacy of a box room than sharing with his sister?!

I had thought to move the two girls into the second biggest bedroom, but DSD is still seeing her mum overnight so that means when DSD is away my DD has the big room to herself and DSD is cramped into the box room.

I don't think this matters, there's nothing inherently wrong with that. They are both there full time, why shouldn't DD have the bigger room?

The obvious answer is that DSS needs to go in the box room, and the other two need to share the bigger one. In my opinion this makes more sense age wise anyway, older teens things don't take up as much space and they don't use the space to play.

Girls need to share the bigger room.
Will the box room fit a high sleeper so you can put a desk under the bed for DSS?

DSS goes in the box room is the obvious answer. 16 and 13 sharing as opposite sex isn't ideal.

The two girls in the bigger room and DSS in the small room. It's the only answer.

Thanks guys - that's so helpful.

I'm glad this isn't very contentious - it means less replies but I think the fact that everyone agrees shows it's the logical thing to do. Sometimes you just need an outside opinion on these things.

@negomi90 - good suggestion, maybe the promise of a new room set up will sweeten the deal...

Your solution sounds sensible and the only one that works at the moment.

The only other possibility I can see depends on how big the biggest room (your room) is.

Could it take a stud wall and divide into two singles? That would create three small, but private rooms for DC (box room, stud wall divided room one, stud wall divided room two).

If so I would consider.

• you and DP in current second biggest room (which will actually be biggest room under new arrangement).
• DSS in the biggest of the three small rooms
• DD in next biggest
• DSD in third biggest.

But hopefully there's not massive discrepancy in any of the small room sizes in this situation.

Might that work?

I was going to suggest what @OnceUponAThread has said.

If not then then two girls in the bigger room would be fine

Oldest gets the box room and your DD and DD share, that's what we did, my DS 16 doesn't see mum and had our box room and our DS4 shares with SS 15 when he comeS EOW and half hols.

It makes sense as the youngest is going to need the more room for toys etc

If you know someone handy with DIY I think these bunk bed split rooms are a great idea craftedpine.co.uk/blogs/crafted-pine-blog/dividing-a-bedroom-with-bunkbeds
It wouldn't work for us u fortunately because of where the window is but might for u.

Yes I agree with you, two girls share the bigger room and boy in the smaller one. No other arrangement would make sense.

One child in the box room.
You in the middle sized room
Largest room split (either properly with stud wall, or just by arrangment of furniture) with half that room each to the 2 remaining children.

Who gets which room probably depends on which children are most compatible sharing, and how well you can divide the room. As long as you create separate private spaces it doesn't really matter if DSS and DSD "share". Their bedtimes/noise requirements might be more compatible than a teen with a 4 year old.

Largest room for the two girls. Having the room to themselves every so often will be perfectly fair.

I agree with your idea.

We have a similar set up. Before DP and kids moved in, my eldest had the big room and my youngest had the small room.

DP moved in. He has one of his DC 50% of the time (probably more like 60) and his other regularly but not overnight (complicated).

Anyway I had to move my eldest to the smallest room as a different gender and my youngest to the big room, to share with DSC as they are the same gender. Discussed with kids and all fine. Was the only real solution as smallest room wouldn’t be big enough for bunks.

Similar to your situation any kids sharing need a bigger room as more people and more stuff. Other DC gets the priveledge of having their own room allbeit smaller

You move into second biggest room, DSS moves into box room, DSD and DD share your old room.

Absolutely the right decision

I don't see why so many think you should need to move into the smaller bedroom, assuming the middle room has space for two? OP and her DH are also two people, it doesn't seem necessary...

@aSofaNearYou

I don't see why so many think you should need to move into the smaller bedroom, assuming the middle room has space for two? OP and her DH are also two people, it doesn't seem necessary...

Because the ages and genders of the various children mean that its not really ideal that any of them share. So as much space as possible is needed in order to be able to split the room either properly or with furniture arrangements into two separate spaces to make sharing workable. Presumably OP and her DH are happy to share a space and share a bed. Two separate beds and two separate spaces needed to make sharing work need more room than one double bed and a shared space.

DSS goes in the box room and the girls share the bigger room.

@aSofaNearYou

I don't see why so many think you should need to move into the smaller bedroom, assuming the middle room has space for two? OP and her DH are also two people, it doesn't seem necessary...

But OP and her husband share a bed and space whereas it's not really appropriate for any of the children to share.

I actually think that DSD and DSS should get the master bedroom split into two (either with a stud wall or furniture) and the youngest should get the box room, simply because it's not fair to expect a teenager to accommodate the early bedtime/wake up times of a 4yo.

Because the ages and genders of the various children mean that its not really ideal that any of them share. So as much space as possible is needed in order to be able to split the room either properly or with furniture arrangements into two separate spaces to make sharing workable. Presumably OP and her DH are happy to share a space and share a bed. Two separate beds and two separate spaces needed to make sharing work need more room than one double bed and a shared space.

Yeah I understand the suggestion where people are saying to further divide the rooms. But if the two girls are just to be sharing, it shouldn't be necessary.

@aSofaNearYou

Because the ages and genders of the various children mean that its not really ideal that any of them share. So as much space as possible is needed in order to be able to split the room either properly or with furniture arrangements into two separate spaces to make sharing workable. Presumably OP and her DH are happy to share a space and share a bed. Two separate beds and two separate spaces needed to make sharing work need more room than one double bed and a shared space.

Yeah I understand the suggestion where people are saying to further divide the rooms. But if the two girls are just to be sharing, it shouldn't be necessary.

One is 13 and one is 4. Of course they can share, but it's not ideal. Even less so when one is 17 and one is 8. The bedtimes and needs are completely out of whack. Etc.

If they're currently sharing the second biggest room (with two separate beds) then it sounds like it's large enough to happily accommodate OP and her DH.

That means the largest room (where the adults are) should be big enough to create two smaller single / box rooms with a stud wall.

That means each child has a small room, with privacy and space. She no longer has to choose between a young child and a teenager sharing (not ideal for reasons above) or two teens of opposite genders sharing (not advised by expects).

Yes the adults will have to take a slightly smaller room, but one that's clearly a decent double if it's accommodating two kids in separate beds currently.

Everyone is comfortable and has enough of their own space. Seems like an easy and cheap win/win. And one that is well worth considering...

Council won’t rehouse you for this, you won’t be considered for an additional bedroom until your DSD turns 16 as two kids under 16 can share a room if they are the same sex so no council won’t help there. I would move the girls into the bigger room.

Give all the kids their own rooms and you and your DH to the living room.

@XelaM

Give all the kids their own rooms and you and your DH to the living room.

What madness is this? There is then nowhere for the family to socialise together! The children will all be glued to screens individually in their own rooms.

Not to mention both parents needing to work from home....