Maintenance on 50/50?

[hulahoopqueen]

Hi everyone,

Looking for thoughts on our situation, or advice from those in a similar position. DH has asked me to ask Mumsnet, so here goes...

DH and DSSM (DSS's mum) have agreed a plan for DSS to be on a 50/50 schedule by the end of the year. Currently, DSS is with us 5/14 nights. DH pays between £200 - £250 per month (this does not vary, but am wary of specifying the amount as could be outing).

When discussing 50/50, the question of maintenance has come up. DSSM has said along the lines of not expecting maintenance to continue, but would be very grateful if it did in some way. For context, DH and I both work full time. DSSM works approx. 20H/week, and her partner works full time.

What would you think would be reasonable in this situation? What factors should DH take into account when looking at an amount?

Does he also pay 50% of school lunches, clubs, uniform, clothes, shoes etc?

50:50 means no maintenance. She knows that, that's why she's said it would be "nice" if he just gave her some. I bet it would. We'd all find it nice if people just handed us cash for no reason.

Neither parent owes the other anything.

@Wandda yes, all school-related costs will be shared proportionally to what DH and DSSM earn (he will cover 70% of costs, she will cover 30%).

@ReadySteadyTwins ha! that is what I was sort of expecting to hear to be honest.

Are there reasons when the Dad has to pay child maintenance even if it was 50/50. My brother has used the calculator and it still gives an amount he should be paying.

No maintenance but half of any clubs/hobbies etc would be fair (and how it works for me) We buy our own clothes for DS and uniform to keep at respective houses.

If he is earning more from a full time perspective then I believe it would be fair and reasonable to look at some kind of maintenance. If she is unable to work full time because the child has a disability or there is a reason she needs to be available most of the time than again, some form of maintenance is reasonable. There would be cries of LTB if a higher earning half of couple with a big discrepancy in incomes were demanding 50/50 split of child related costs (or any other costs for that matter). It irks me that 50/50 is seen as fair when there is a discrepancy in full time incomes. However, if the discrepancy in income is down to a choice to work part time, that’s a different issue. I would, however, still take into consideration how part time came about - frequently as a means by which to manage work and children and what the part timer has lost in terms of career. You can’t make up for it but it can be taken into account and perhaps maintenance phased out, for example as the child reaches KS2 and KS3.

If you want to pay no maintenance, 50/50 needs to mean more than just paying for an evening meal. Your partner must be available 50% of the time the child is ill and needs picking up from school or needs to stay home. He must pay half of all essential costs like childcare, clubs and activities, school uniforms, shoes, coats, school supplies and tech, haircuts etc. He must manage the inconvenience of doctor’s appointments, dentist appointments and any other healthcare required. Inset days should be shared, as should school holidays and associated childcare costs. Half of attending parties, party clothes, presents etc. probably loads more I haven’t thought of.

Being fair to all concerned with 50/50 arrangements is difficult. Being open to listening to the other side of an argument, ensuring a child is able to be warm and happy in both homes is really important. The number of blanket ‘no maintenance’ shrieks from step parents conveniently ignores the realty of each individual situation, earning power and how care arrangements evolved. Children would,prefer parents able to manage effective co-parenting rather than one or both feel constantly bitter or angry over mo eh.

I was all prepared to say no maintenance but that is quite a substantial difference in wages between them so perhaps to maintain a standard of living at both homes if (and only if) you can afford it, do coparent well together perhaps a sum of say 100 a month, as then its reducing by approx 25 a night for the extra 4 nights you're having him a month? Your DH is under no obligation of course but there is a clear disparity in earnings. CMS may also say there is still maintenance to be paid, as it doesn't always reduce to 0.

It really does depend on the detail : my friend does 50:50 one week in each house.

issue is she buys all the uniform and pays all school expenses trips and sports clubs. holiday clubs etc. She is also the one expected to do child care when the DCs are ill - his household never sorts out even if on his time. Her new DP will pick up from school and taken days off to cover but her EXs new DP refuses.
Her Ex thinks this is fine and pays no maintenance but her should be contributing to those aswell. It is not as simple as screaming no maintenance.

So far from 50:50 it is not true

@Crumbs22 I believe that when done through court, they take both the split of nights, and the daytime care into account, so if the day care was unevenly split then possibly. I'm by no means an expert though.

@HeyBlaby yes this is the setup we will have too - unless it's something specific to DSSM (ie mum and child swimming classes, or similar). In that case it would be down to her, however sports/other interests will be 70/30 split.

@Sowhatifiam thank you so much, this was so insightful and interesting to read. DH is aware of most of those - clubs, after school, uniforms, etc, and will be splitting costs 70/30, proportionally to their incomes. He definitely recognises that 50/50 cost split would not be reasonable in their situation. He is also very much aware of the realities of potentially needing to pick up DSS if ill at school and so on, and has previously taken up the reins for arranging GP visits and other healthcare/hygiene appointments. It was very interesting to see you mention things such as parties, party clothes etc - I think I would have assumed that the parent responsible for DSS at the time of said party would be responsible for the above, however this is definitely one to raise between them.
In terms of not working full time, yes it is a choice that has been made.

If it's 50/50 & if he's paying more than half of extras for his child as he's the higher earning then why on earth should he give money to bolster another household???
If she has chosen part time work - not his problem.
If she is working part time because she had other dc - not his problem.
They are two separate households & should be treated as such.

So it was a choice.
Well that's a very firm No from me & I'm a dm not a sm.

If it's true 50/50 then maintenance should be paid As for the disparity in earnings it is not your dh's issue and the child will benefit from his salary anyway.

If it is staying at yours half the week but not true 50/50 then I think something should be paid

For context, DH and I both work full time. DSSM works approx. 20H/week, and her partner works full time.

Firstly I would disregard your income and her partners income completely from the equation.

If it’s 50:50 including cars responsibilities not just money, and he’s taking on half the responsibility then I think no maintenance.

If DM is only working 20 hours because of childcare/DSS needs then the 70/30 split of other things is fair enough. If as another poster said it is just a choice/her preference or because she has other DC with a new partner then I personally think it should be 50:50 split with costs too.

When households split it is up to each to work to their means and sometimes that means working more or changing job. I don’t think it’s helpful for one house to prop up another as if circumstances change then it leaves people stuck.

No maintenance and the costs should be split depending on why she is working less hours.

@Crumbs22

Are there reasons when the Dad has to pay child maintenance even if it was 50/50. My brother has used the calculator and it still gives an amount he should be paying.

The calculator doesn't work for 50/50 shared care.

@cornishGem1975
Oh I didn't know that so that's why it is possible for there to be no payment required and not to do with salary threshold or amounts for Dads? Thanks.

50 50 means no maintenance but I'd expect him to be paying half for all after school clubs and lessons, uniform etc.

I think him paying 70% of school expenses etc.. is more than enough for 50:50 care. I wouldn't offer anything else personally.

@Sayitaintsoiwillnotgo

I was all prepared to say no maintenance but that is quite a substantial difference in wages between them so perhaps to maintain a standard of living at both homes if (and only if) you can afford it, do coparent well together perhaps a sum of say 100 a month, as then its reducing by approx 25 a night for the extra 4 nights you're having him a month? Your DH is under no obligation of course but there is a clear disparity in earnings. CMS may also say there is still maintenance to be paid, as it doesn't always reduce to 0.

The mum works part-time. Why should dad’s household sub that?

OP my partner has his daughter 50/50 and pays half of all expenses. School stuff, after school care and hobbies mostly. Plus holiday clubs for part of school holidays. Explicit costs add up.
You say mum works part-time. Perhaps that’s her choice or there’s other circumstances at play that drive that decision - I don’t know. But unless there’s something unexplained in your Post I would consider that there’s no need for full time working dad to sub part-time working mum on an ongoing basis like that.

Why are people suggesting there should be financial parity between the two households? Obviously it is important that the children's needs are met, but beyond that why does it matter?

DM works part time - that's her choice to create a disparity of income.

I'd do 50/50 on extra curricular and uniforms and thats it.

50:50 = No maintenance, although I'd expect him to go half's on absolutely every thing including child care in the holidays. Very generous to say he will do the 70% - 30% split and shows what a good dad he is.

@Coffeepot72

Why are people suggesting there should be financial parity between the two households? Obviously it is important that the children's needs are met, but beyond that why does it matter?

Hmm I do imagine if the Dad worked part time there wouldn't be the suggestion the mother pay him something.

Obviously it's important though that the children's needs are met. Which with him doing 50% care and paying 70% of their expenses I can't see how they wouldn't be.

@Coffeepot72

Why are people suggesting there should be financial parity between the two households? Obviously it is important that the children's needs are met, but beyond that why does it matter?

In some European countries CS is calculated even in 50/50 on the difference in household income (yup step parent incomes included too). It’s super easy to game the system eg by working part time so that CS has to be paid. Thankfully this is not the case in the UK.