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Step-parenting

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Struggling to be around DSS after 2nd miscarriage

9 replies

Libertypancake · 08/02/2022 10:12

Hi everyone

I am feeling deeply sad after a very early miscarriage (following miscarriage last year).
I have a 7 yr old step son who I have a great relationship with and a husband who, normally, couldn’t be any more supportive if he tried.
At the moment I am really struggling with watching him have a relationship with his son. It is so hard and I feel angry and bitter that he isn’t doing that for our child. I don’t want to be around them together but my husband is worried it will have an impact on my step son if I don’t.
I Love our family, and when this pain isn’t happening to me I am happy. But I feel so confused about being angry with my husband for already having what I want and him not understanding that. I don’t feel resentful towards my step son but sometimes I feel deeply resentful of the relationship my husband has with him. I want that for OUR child as well.
I am well aware of how selfish I sound, how lucky I am to have what I do in the first place and that I miscarried so early.
I need to navigate my way out of this and cause minimal damage to everyone. Please help. Xx

OP posts:
Marblessolveeverything · 08/02/2022 10:18

I am sorry for your losses - grief brings anger. Please give yourself permission to feel your feelings. I found being around my older son hard for a brief period of time after my losses. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and losing a child is not fair. limit your time with your DSS if you need to but make sure you he doesn't feel he has done something wrong. Kids are great at picking up on our feelings.

Beamur · 08/02/2022 10:21

Hugs.
I've been in a similar position. It's ok to put your feelings first for a while. Grieve for the life and hope you had. You will come through this.

QuirkyTurtle · 08/02/2022 10:27

Oh mate, I am so sorry. This breaks my heart.

You are not being selfish. Not in the slightest. You are kind and selfless enough to love and care for another man's child. It's hard enough in the easiest of times, but sometimes downright impossible when things are shit.

Sending much love x

Libertypancake · 08/02/2022 10:50

Thank you. The kindness really helps 🤗

Anyone got any words of wisdom on how to broach the subject of not wanting to be around them both for a short time?
I am not able to ‘put on a brave face’ unfortunately - always been rubbish at it. DSS would pick up on something 😔

OP posts:
PipPop2 · 08/02/2022 12:19

I have been EXACTLY where you are OP. I understand completely everything you have said.

In answer to your question there is no way to broach it other than to tell your husband the truth. If he is a decent person with any empathy at all he will understand.

I avoided my DSC for a while after my miscarriages. I was "ill" a couple of times when they stayed and made plans with my Mum at other times. My husband understood I just needed this time. It will not harm your DSS to spend some time alone with his Dad for a while, he doesn't need to know anything at all.

I felt exactly like you. It was so hard to watch my husband be everything I'd hoped to be as well. We could share this grief together when we were alone but then when DSC came he got to forget about it and be a parent in a way I could not but desperately wanted.

It's nothing to do with them individually but most people would struggle with this. Any person with half a brain cell would understand it.

Do not let anyone tell you, especially your husband, that you are "lucky" to at least have his child. I was told this and it made me furious. He absolutely must understand that you have lost your baby, his son is not a substitute and in fact is actually just a painful reminder right now.

He can still be supportive of you without forcing you into a situation that feels impossible right now. He can be supportive by understanding and ensuring you have space from his son right now which is what you need.

I'm sending so many positive thoughts and sympathies your way OP. It is absolutely gut wrenching. Especially so when your partner, the person who should be feeling this with you, has the one thing you're grieving over not having. It's absolutely awful and nearly broke me so I really do understand.

On a different note, after much heartache I do now have a 1 year old son with DH and things are much easier. Don't give up hope 💙

KylieKoKo · 08/02/2022 13:45

OP would you consider grief counselling? I think your feelings are totally understandable and it might help you to have someone who you can talk them through with and give you strategies so you can manage them while maintaining a good relationship with your step son.

lunar1 · 08/02/2022 14:04

I'm so sorry for your loss. 💕

I would consider the practicalities of what not being around them for a while would work.

Do you intend to go stay with family, spend more time in you room, or are you wanting him to not come for a while?

I think you need to decide what you would like to happen before you talk to your husband.

aSofaNearYou · 08/02/2022 16:09

I don’t want to be around them together but my husband is worried it will have an impact on my step son if I don’t.

I'm sorry for your loss OP. Your husband is not being understanding enough, frankly, and is entirely wrong to put the off chance that your DSS might feel upset about you missing a couple of weekends above your need to heal and have that space. I don't think you need to be too delicate about broaching it, his priorities are in the wrong place and his expectations are too high.

Marmm · 08/02/2022 19:14

It is so tough. You need time and space to be able to feel those brutal ugly raw feelings.

I am so so sorry Flowers

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