Anyone divorced with bio step children involved? Family home

[Onion343]

Just wondering if anyone has divorced when there are bio and step children involved.

Basic gist is I have step children and also bio DC who I am main care giver for.

I am considering seeking a divorce from my husband and ideally I would like to keep the family home as it's our DCs only home. I do absolutely all of their day to day care. I won't go into the whole financial situation (he earns more but I earn enough to pay the mortgage / bills etc..)

My concern is whether my husband will be deemed to have more "need" for the family home because he has more children even though they live mainly with their mother at another home.

Can anyone who's been through this give me any idea of how this works?

In my mind our DCs needs in terms of the home should be paramount as they spend every day here and have no other home whereas DSC do.

This isn't anything to do with step children or step parenting itself, I'm just asking if anyone's been through this and did you manage to keep the house?

With bio AND step children that should say.

And if not clear, I meant I do day to day care for my DC, not DSC.

What other assets are there? Typically courts prefer a clean break. The exact split does vary starting at 50/50 I'm getting 60% for instance. If the house is the sole asset it's highly unlikely either of you can keep it (mesher orders tend to be for short periods or in very specific circumstances these days). Remember pensions, savings etc go into the pot

Mesher orders are nor a popular choice anymore. The xourts prefer clean breaks.

But also there was actually a thread on MN, quite recently, talking about the massive downsides. Lots of posters who had for a mesher order that was coming to an end, now for themselves in a worst position and wished they hadn't bothered.

Its really nuanced, especially with blended families. But yes, he will need to be able provide housing for all of his children when they are with him. But everything else will be considered too.

Its impossible to say within great certainty. If I had to bet money, I would bet that the house would need to be sold or you buy him out. But that's nowhere near a certainty

My friend was in this situation and it did get very messy. They had to sell the family home so that both could be suitably housed after the divorce.

OP, my friend was in a similar situation. She and her ex agreed to structure their settlement so that she would keep the home but refinance the house in order to buy put her husband's equity in the house. That agreeiment worked out well for both of them . He left with a large amount of cash which he used as a down payment on a new property and, because of the then lower interest rates her.monthly mortgage payments were lowered.

They worked the agreement out amongst themselves and the court simply signed off in it. This likely would only work with people who are looking for solutions and not anger or some kind of payback. My friend had 2 step children and 2 bios. They agreed upon a 50/50 custody arrangement so it could have made equal sense for either of them to retain the property. The ex bought a new property nearer to the older kids school. The younger ones had not yet started to school.

L

I would buy him out that's not a problem. I would just prefer not to have to move my DC.

We wouldn't have 50:50, he'd never want that. He does absolutely nothing for our children as it is.

There are other assets. Namely a business which he would want to keep. Hopefully we can come to some agreement between us on that basis i.e. I keep the house but walk away from the business.

Could you afford to stay in the house by yourself?
Pay all the rent/ mortgage and all the monthly bills? Maybe even all the repairs?
Could STBXH afford a suitable place for him and all his children?
Best bet is to plan on selling and renting/ buying somewhere else for you both.

I cross posted with your replies.
Good,luck!

It just makes me so sad the thought of DC having to leave the only home they've ever known. I appreciate it's also DSCs home but they have another, that they spend the majority of their time in. My husband could afford to house all the DC for the limited amount of time he has them elsewhere it doesn't have to be here.

I don't imagine he's going to take it well though so.

OP, if you end up being forced to move, your children may find the excitement of a new home as a way to offset some if their feelings about the change in the family structure. Young kids can be pretty adaptable. The real struggle is likely to be on your part. You may find that the kids might welcome the opportunity and adventure that comes with a new home.

@Onion343 your child having an adequate home with both parents is a need. Specifically staying in your present him is not. You both have equal right to stay in the house if it's in both your names.

However, if you are in a position to buy him out and this gives him enough for a deposit on a new place then he might well agree to that. A lot of people would rather not stay in the same home after a break up to help with moving on so you might be in agreement about how to proceed.

I would suggest getting legal advice on possible ways this could play out and then you need to bite the bullet and talk to your husband armed with knowledge of what your and his legal rights are.

There is no point in asking us, you need legal advice. Firstly where are you located? Laws on this differ based on where you live.

Secondly how long term has the marriage been?

Of you think he will want to hang on to the business make sure it is properly valued. Try to get bank statements as well as the accounts. Also be aware of any pension funds. That should put you in a good position to negotiate on the house - if that is what you really want.

Is your question because he is likely going to be difficult for the sake of it? If so I’d express a strong interest in having both business and house, with a plan to get a loan to buy him out, and let him “negotiate” you down.