Do your siblings step children call/see you as an Aunt?

[Eastie77Returns]

Just curious. Dsis has 2 stepchildren. She has a good relationship with her DSS (less so with her DSD). I buy Christmas presents for both step children as well as Dsis’ daughter, my niece.

DSS always sends thank you notes and writes and calls me Aunty Eastie. DSD rarely thanks me and when she does refers to me by first name. I’m absolutely fine with both. In my head I really only think of my sister’s daughter as my niece. However my sister thinks that is ‘harsh’. I am fond of her step children, even her stroppy teen DSD who is nice some of the time:) But they have their own biological aunts and uncles so I don’t understand why they’d need another non related one?

Me and my DH both have siblings and we both have our own DC. Our siblings don't have a relationship with each other's respective children at all.

I have a DSD, there is a decent age gap between her & my DSs, and it may be different because she has lived with us because she has no contact with her mum (mum's choice), but she has an extremely close relationship with my DSis, my DSis has taken her on holiday, they text/socialise. In fact my DSis paid for private medical treatment for her when we weren't in a position to (we didn't ask, she insisted). She makes absolutely no difference between DSD & DSs and I love their relationship.

Urgh, that should say "she has lived with us since she was little"

My siblings do not consider my stepson their nephew, nor do I expect them to. We live about 5 hours apart with a country border in between though. If I brought him down for Christmas or other holidays I would expect them to treat my stepson with respect and not to obviously exclude him from anything, but that's it.

Having a strong connection with a stepchild without biological connection isn't hard enough as a stepparent, let alone a step-aunt/uncle.

I like my sister's stepchildren but never considered my nieces. I always made an effort to get them presents and they would come and play with my DD, the youngest stayed over a couple of times too.

Now they are older we are friendly on the odd occasion we chat but definitely don't consider each other to be family.

I don't have any direct neices or nephews. My step sister has a child, but I'm not aunty because she's not my sister. I wasn't aunty to my xh's neices either, as they weren't my family.

My step daughter calls my sisters aunty, and my parents her grandparents. There’s no differentiation between their biological relations and her.

She is part of our family the same was my own daughter is and is treated that way.

My stepdads family regard me as their niece. I am closer to them than my mum's sibling.

My (step) aunt took me (and my DB) in to live with her when I was 12 and my mum and SD died. She is my my mum figure, and she has always been Gran to my DC. She has split up with her her husband years ago now, but he is my dad figure and Papa to my DC.

I feel very lucky to have the "step" family that I do, but I appreciate it's not the same for all families. Just giving a different experience of things.

Yes, I'm Aunt Sundancing and they are my nieces and nephews.
If it makes any difference their other parent died and my sibling has adopted them.

No, my SC do not consider my sister to be their aunt. They know one another but she’s just SM / Chewbecca’s sister.

I’ve never been one for assigning people relationships that are inaccurate, though I know some people like to do so!

@Sundancerintherain

Yes, I'm Aunt Sundancing and they are my nieces and nephews. If it makes any difference their other parent died and my sibling has adopted them.

That does make a big difference! They're not her stepchildren anymore, they're her adopted children.

No, my SCs haven't even ever met my sister. I'm sure they will some day but it won't be regular and would never reach 'auntie' level.

That said, I do think you should take the lead from the person concerned, in this case your sister. You don't have to really feel like they're your niece/nephew of course, but no harm in saying that to her if it seems important to her.

No, my sister doesn't consider my DSS her nephew and vice versa. I don't think your sister should be pressuring you to. How well do you know them?

IMHO you are both wrong.

Children and young adults need good relationships with a range of adults to help them keep on the straight and narrow.

However it isn't harsh to not call a young person you don't have an individual relationship with your nephew/niece.

I have siblings who aren't related to each other but their children call them and their spouse, "aunt" and "uncle" as the children have a relationship with them and their children. A lot of that has to do with the warm and open personalities of some of the adults involved.

Myself and some of my siblings referred to family friends as "aunt" and "uncle" growing up as they helped us. We since found a couple of them are actually distant blood relations e.g. a cousin turns up at their house at the same time and says they are their cousin.

@aSofaNearYou

No, my sister doesn't consider my DSS her nephew and vice versa. I don't think your sister should be pressuring you to. How well do you know them?

I know DSS well, he is lovely and often plays with my DC. I have no issue whatsoever with the fact he calls me Aunty. I’m really fond of him but hand on heart, I do not feel the same towards him as I do to sisters daughter. Of course I would never say that to him. However DSS has several blood related aunts and uncles who dote on him so it’s not as if he’s missing out.

I do not know DSD well, she has never shown any interest in wanting to know me. She says hello politely when I visit DSis but that’s it. They have a tricky relationship and Dsis seems to think if our family was more ‘inclusive’ it would help. I don’t know what that means really but she has berated our parents as well for not acting like ‘proper grandparents’ to her DSC (who have a living maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather)

@Sundancerintherain - I think that is different as your sibling is their mum/dad so you actually are their aunt. Both parents of my sister’s DSC are still alive.

Yes my sister's stepson is my nephew, I feel no different about him than my sister's bio child. In fact I'm probably closer to him because he's also very close to my son, same age and they've spent lots of time together over the years.

They have a tricky relationship and Dsis seems to think if our family was more ‘inclusive’ it would help. I don’t know what that means really but she has berated our parents as well for not acting like ‘proper grandparents’ to her DSC (who have a living maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather)

I don't think that is on tbh, as a step mum I would never put that expectation on my family. My life being complicated does not mean the same for theirs.

Slightly different, but my step-siblings kids call me Auntie Queen. DS calls them Auntie/Uncle Step-Sib.

Yes, my brother's step daughter calls me Auntie Spider and we have a nice relationship.

DH's brother considers my girls as his nieces. His Mum, and previously his late father, treat them in the same way they do our joint children, and my step-son.

I don't doubt they have different feelings for the girls as they do the other children, but you could never tell in the way they act toward them.

My grandfather and uncle treat DSS the same as my biological children, but that is slightly different as I didn't know them until recently so they met all of the children at the same time.

Oh for sure. Unless it’s really impossible I’d always be as inclusive as possible. Children need to feel they belong to all the branches of their family (even when they are arsey teens ). And a step aunt is what you are, logically.

My kids have never called their uncles (my brothers) uncle ... they use their name

I think there is really no right or wrong with this...each set-up is so so different. My SS calls my parents his grandparents and all my family have aunty/uncle attached to their name. Sometimes he just says their name and sometimes he says aunty/uncle first. He has maternal and paternal family but some of his maternal family are, quite frankly, a bit rubbish so that could play some part in things.

I'm actually the only person in my family who doesn't get a family title from him ha!