Maintenance after 18

[mommabear2386]

So my partners daughter 16 loves with us and son 15 lives with mum. Not a good relationship with DH and BM especially when it comes to money.

We have been together 8 years her and her new husband have been together 9.

Maintenance is set as we pay £238 for his son and mum pays £39 for daughter as she only works 8-12 hours per week.
Now because his daughter will hit 18 first I said it will be interesting to see what she does is terms of will it stop? Go directly to SD? Increase or decrease etc etc

We always said before she moved in ( 6 months ago) we would probably just transfer them a sum each month to help alongside part time job around £100-130 possibly.

Daughter heard that and must of mentioned it to BM. She has messaged to say she will continue to pay maintenance and she expects the same from us ( I bet you do love at £200 more) so DH said no you work out what you can give SD directly and we will match it for son the following year but it will be equal so there is no unfairness like we are having now having to pay everything for SD as she pays nothing above the £39 whereas we so give SS pocket money outside CSA and money for trips / spending and just leisure in general when he goes out with friends.

She says well she has had 3 other children (with new husband) so cannot afford what we can afford?? Now I'm sorry but household incomes are roughly the same in total

Am I right to say not our problem? You need to step up and support SD also or we will remove financially support for SS when the next year rolls round I know it's not fair but it's unfair for her to completely withdraw and we are left with everything so should it be we support one and you do?

Although I know it won't work because SS will just ask us for stuff and money because mum says no 🤬 stop having bloody kids! We had one together because guess what that's what we could comfortable afford plus I luckily only wanted one

Maintenance is set as we pay £238 for his son and mum pays £39 for daughter as she only works 8-12 hours per week.
Now because his daughter will hit 18 first I said it will be interesting to see what she does is terms of will it stop? Go directly to SD? Increase or decrease etc etc

If the daughter at 18 is still at school/college doing secondary level education then maintenance still is paid to dad.

If the daughter is at university/doing tertiary level education then maintenance gets paid directly to the daughter.

If the daughter is not in any form of education then no maintenance is paid.

Maintenance is calculated only on the actual parents income not step-parents, and if you are in the UK use the CMS calculate to work out what it should be.

However child related benefits and student loans include the income of the step-parent in the house the child lives in e.g. household income. Most children claim to live in the household with the lower overall income so they can be loaned more money. Obviously this won't work if the parents live a long way from each other.

If the daughter is at university/doing tertiary level education then maintenance gets paid directly to the daughter. is this what the CMS do? If so this is really handy to know!

However child related benefits and student loans include the income of the step-parent in the house the child lives in e.g. household income really?! That's so bad! We might have to make sure DSC is living with mum most the time when they get older - there's no way I'm paying their uni fees so it's mad to include my income.

I thought maintenance via CMS was only paid up to A levels or Highers? Not beyond and into Uni.

@Flocon No it isn't CMS.

If your child goes to uni even if they don't live with you you need to support them as student loans aren't enough to live on.

In theory your child can take you to Court to get support in practice the only cases that make the news are ones like this one - www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10157107/Faiz-Siddiqui-test-case-Court-Appeal-rejects-sons-bid-force-parents-pay-maintenance.html

If your child goes to uni even if they don't live with you you need to support them as student loans aren't enough to live on DH can support them he wants none of my money is going on their uni fees.

@Flocon as a step-parent if they weren't a member of your household you aren't expected to support them. Only if they lived with you as a member of your household before they applied for uni and they state they did, is your income taken into account.

It's their non-residential parent who should support them as much as they can.

This is nuts OP. In theory there should have been no maintenance changing hands considering each parent has a child living with them full time but fair play to you and your husband for paying it for so long. And I DO include you in that because over the years I've supplemented DH's maintenance ++ heavily.

In this scenario the kids mum has sat on the gravy train for far too long. If I told myhusband that in a few years you might be split up and i might remarry and if so he'll have to pay more because I'll choose to work roughly one day a week and it's not fair on his other kids he'll tell me to take a running jump. That's insane!!

I'd say call her bluff, take away the maintenance payment and sort out an arrangement with the kids that works.

DH's exw blackmailed the shit out of him for years and started telling the kids that when maintenance stopped she'd have to sell the house. They were really upset.

Funnily enough a few months on and she's now upped her hours to full time, the kids have got jobs and we help the youngest with an allowance and petrol as he's earning a low wage. We also pay for his phone and feed him up to the eyeballs whenever he's here as he says his mum runs a right ship. Overall though he wants for nothing.

[quote RedWingBoots]@Flocon as a step-parent if they weren't a member of your household you aren't expected to support them. Only if they lived with you as a member of your household before they applied for uni and they state they did, is your income taken into account.

It's their non-residential parent who should support them as much as they can.[/quote]
Ah I see. Some clever planning may be needed if DSC ever want to live here as primary home.

Child maintenance stops when the child is 18 and has completed a-levels.

I dont get why you've each been claiming maintenance anyway to be honest when you've got one child each from the family unit living with you. Well, I get why his ex wants it if she's getting 200 more a month than you are....

I really think people need to think about their life choices with the knowledge that cms stops. I cant believe his ex has gone on to have 3 other kids and is now complaining how will she afford them when they're nothing to do with you and your DH!

Also, I'm not sure where you're getting information that child maintenance continues to be paid, but directly to the child, during university. This isn't factual.

When a child (now adult) goes to uni, a non resident parent can pay them directly whatever amount the choose and how often they choose. Their is no formal agreement. It's like sending your kid some pocket money.

We have a bank account set up for SD that has thousands of pounds in it. We've saved every month all her life. When she goes to uni she will be given the bank account and told - that's your money, spend it how you like, but once it's gone it's gone.

It's literally thousands, certainly enough to see her through uni. So we won't be sending money on top of that. No way.

You are right to butt out and leave it to the parents.

You come across as a not very pleasant individual.
Stay out of it and let your DSCs - mother and father work it out. ( note mother and father not BM and BF)

Your tone and words are offensive

@Finallylostit

You are right to butt out and leave it to the parents.

You come across as a not very pleasant individual.
Stay out of it and let your DSCs - mother and father work it out. ( note mother and father not BM and BF)

Your tone and words are offensive

Whereas your post was all sweetness and light. Op is not the one coming across as unpleasant.

I'm maybe sounding that way as I do begrudge her bailing and leaving 99.9% of everything emotionally and financially to us for one child but happy to take hand over fist for another.

I agree step parents income shouldn't factor but when we've all been together a long time it does, if my partner quit work or worked 12 hours a week because we had 2-3 children people would have plenty to say that he's not supporting the older ones only thinking if the younger ones and childcare etc.

It's just frustrating that's all. We have such different views but I guess that will never change.

Maintenance as far as I'm aware is compulsory until the sept after 18 regardless of further education. (Yes of course we should still support them I'm not disagreeing at all) but there is no legal obligation via cms to each other for the parents

@Finallylostit

You are right to butt out and leave it to the parents.

You come across as a not very pleasant individual.
Stay out of it and let your DSCs - mother and father work it out. ( note mother and father not BM and BF)

Your tone and words are offensive

So the OP is fine to share the workload of looking after someone else's child full time in her home, AND the financial management with let's remember, more fiscal responsibility than the child's own mother is taking but she needs to butt out, yes?

Ridiculous

@Finallylostit

You are right to butt out and leave it to the parents.

You come across as a not very pleasant individual.
Stay out of it and let your DSCs - mother and father work it out. ( note mother and father not BM and BF)

Your tone and words are offensive

🙄🙄🙄 always one.

We can't possibly discuss maintaince (which the majority of SM subsidies in some way FYI) and keep it without slinging mud.

Funny how money wise, people are happy for SM to make up for anything financially lacking but my god must we not have a opinion on it.

Call it the SM ATM privilege 🙄

@Finallylostit You come across as an unpleasant individual with an offensive tone and words.

When someone lives in your household and doesn't contribute financially towards it, then you as a contributing member are paying for them. This is taken into account by the government in various ways.

Funny how money wise, people are happy for SM to make up for anything financially lacking but my god must we not have a opinion on it. yup SMs just have to shut up and provide childcare so both parents can work and ooh that nice job of yours Flocon why can't you pay for x y z. Does my head in I tell you.

*Funny how money wise, people are happy for SM to make up for anything financially lacking but my god must we not have a opinion on it.

Call it the SM ATM privilege 🙄*

Fab post @candlelightsatdawn

@mommabear2386

I'm maybe sounding that way as I do begrudge her bailing and leaving 99.9% of everything emotionally and financially to us for one child but happy to take hand over fist for another.

I agree step parents income shouldn't factor but when we've all been together a long time it does, if my partner quit work or worked 12 hours a week because we had 2-3 children people would have plenty to say that he's not supporting the older ones only thinking if the younger ones and childcare etc.

It's just frustrating that's all. We have such different views but I guess that will never change.

Maintenance as far as I'm aware is compulsory until the sept after 18 regardless of further education. (Yes of course we should still support them I'm not disagreeing at all) but there is no legal obligation via cms to each other for the parents

Maintenance is legally due until 20 if these reasons apply

Approved education
Education must be full-time (more than an average of 12 hours a week supervised study or course-related work experience) and can include:

A levels or similar, for example Pre-U, International Baccalaureate
T levels
Scottish Highers
NVQs and other vocational qualifications up to level 3
home education - if it started before your child turned 16 or after 16 if they have special needs
traineeships

So you may find your dh and/or dm will still be liable for cms longer than you think

If think they are legally obliged to support until your dc finish education up to degree level

My friend took her ex to court and he was ordered to pay.

Agreed! It does feel like I can do everything for SD mum isn't interested in providing pocket money to help facilitate leisure or provide any lifts to friends activities etc she's not interested in her prom or helping to provide which I feel awful for SD so I ( and her dad of course) are making up for this shitty turn in the relationship and trying to make sure she's happy and not missing out etc.

I do feel for SS as he's happy at home and has a much better relationship with his step father and does not want to live with us ( we don't have the room now anyway for him full time so he's happy at mums as he has his space)

but Me and DH will be as a team putting our foot down and if she continues to financially abandon SD when she's 18 then we will be doing the same as surely that's fair.

On another note it's mums weekend to have SD tonight as she's texted saying she and two younger ones have tested positive.... no problem there at all SD stays here however we have just bumped into BM's mother at a supermarket and said oh Covid positive I hope they aren't too poorly etc and she looks at us blank.... no one's poorly 🤬

“but Me and DH will be as a team putting our foot down and if she continues to financially abandon SD when she's 18 then we will be doing the same as surely that's fair.”

I agree that you are right Morally she should still want to provide for dsd but I don’t think your getting that legally if your dsd leaves education before 20 then she us under no obligation to continue to provide maintenance but if your dss decides to stay on further eduction with the eligibility criteria the your dh is “legally” liable to still pay maintenance . You can’t just decide your putting your foot down and stopping maintenance for dss at 18 regardless because she has wether that’s fair or not.
I think you need to be prepared that your dh may be paying maintenance (legally liable) longer than you think that’s all.

As for the covid situation maybe she has text you but hasn’t told Dgm yet? Who knows but I’d just let it go unless you had plans that would be disrupted if that’s the case then her time she sorts other childcare.

Oh of course we'll continue to pay for SS until he's 18 and more than likely we will sort something privately out afterwards because as much as I'm angry and I don't want too we aren't shit people.

When SD moved in we wanted to go to no Maintenance but of course because she gets far more there was no way she was allowing and we don't really have a choice.

Is the maintenance done through cms or private just now?