Has your partner ever had allegations of abuse made to him ...

[LifePartyRing]

By his ex. Abuse to children.

What did you do about it. ?
Did you believe it?

Not my partner thankfully because his baby mama is a reasonable person. One of my best friends was recently accused by the very high conflict mother of his child of the worst thing you can imagine. He is a teacher too, so it affected him in the worst way. The investigation has only just finished and he's able to return to work and to court to reinforce the court order. There's no worse thing a woman can do to a man in my opinion. It was so completely heartbreaking to watch.

What I would do would depend on the context. You have given none.

@elelel

What I would do would depend on the context. You have given none.

I agree.

Surely the allegations need to go to social services or something?

I'm the mother. I'm not a trouble maker it's very real sadly. I'd rather avoid this but not anymore.

He can be wonderful. Everyone thinks so outside. Looks perfect.
He's emotionally abusive in many ways whilst also being nice.

He's stepped up the physical abuse recently. I've got a short thread on this.

I'm wondering what the wife will do when it comes out. She's lovely. I'm so sorry she's in this position. Though I could say she's enabled him, I know it's not that simple with him.

Don't worry about her. Hard as it is you just have to look after yourself and your kids.

I don't think the wife's reaction is your problem or your responsibility. Do what you need to to keep you and your children safe.

If she's standing by and presumably witnessing him abusing your children why would you be describing her as 'lovely' and be concerned about how she takes this?

@bongobingo43

If she's standing by and presumably witnessing him abusing your children why would you be describing her as 'lovely' and be concerned about how she takes this?

Because she's probably as much his victim as I was prior to leaving.

Protect your children. Do what you need to do.

And if you can, give her details for support services to help her leave him.

You know your empathy towards the wife is to be commended and also speaking as someone who does some work in DV service, has a ring of truth to it because only another victim of DA can have true empathy for another victim without judgement or victim blaming. It's hard for people who haven't lived it to wrap their heads around just how bad it can get.

For you to say this it must have been bad, v bad 💐.

That I will say her reaction isn't your concern, don't worry to much about it as victims of abuse can react in weird ways. Just keep those kids safe, work with the services you need to and get some counselling for you and the kids !

@candlelightsatdawn

You know your empathy towards the wife is to be commended and also speaking as someone who does some work in DV service, has a ring of truth to it because only another victim of DA can have true empathy for another victim without judgement or victim blaming. It's hard for people who haven't lived it to wrap their heads around just how bad it can get.

For you to say this it must have been bad, v bad 💐.

That I will say her reaction isn't your concern, don't worry to much about it as victims of abuse can react in weird ways. Just keep those kids safe, work with the services you need to and get some counselling for you and the kids !

@candlelightsatdawn Thank you for your insight.

All I know right now is that the situation is hideous. 😢😢

It is and will remain to be the hardest thing you will do standing up to someone like this.

Often women leave men like this not because of themselves (because their self worth gets reduced to 0) but because of the children.

Focus with laser intensity on the children.

Just seen your other thread OP.

You say your ex is physically violent to your DC - you have no other option than to report and not care for one moment if people believe it or not, or how it affects them.

Report him and be there to support your DCs - his DW is a grown woman who is responsible for herself.