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Step-parenting

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Original poster

STEP CHILDREN

18 replies

xmas · 24/12/2007 13:22

I have been married to my husband for 5years he has 3 kids with his exwife. The problem is he has got to see the children on his own im not allowed to be involed with them becouse of their mother says so. my husband and i have a 3yr daughter so when my husband has a day spare from work its got to be spent with his 3 other kids and not his new family its all getting to me now i dont feel as if we have a life together he is more like my lodger he says he loves me but im not sure. His exwife has said that if we want the CSA of our backs then his has to stick to seeing the kids on his own. Now his children have asked if they can see our 3yrold daughter i dont want that to happen im scared that im losing my family and i dont have any power or control of my life with my husband.

OP posts:
Desiderata · 24/12/2007 13:24

So, does your dd ever get to see her half-siblings?

aquariusmum · 24/12/2007 13:30

This sounds absolutely out of order, like the ex wife is running the show. He should stand up to her: the kids need to be with their half sister, and you need to be involved too. I have my two step-kids here this Xmas, and they are so good with our two kids, it is the only good thing to come out of my DH's divorce from first wife. Think it may be time you put your foot down. After all, if he loses you too, the CSA will be chasing him doubly. But whereas I would probably charge in headfirst, you should probably find the right moment and have a quiet chat about how this situation is not right. You should come across as sad, but not threatening. The thing is that the endpoint of this situation is going to be another split, adn no-one wants that. That first wife is still punishing him, but she is also punishing his kids who should be romping on the sofa like mine are now with their half sibilings.

Original poster
xmas · 24/12/2007 13:30

no she never seen them .My daughter and my self are excluded from from husbands family even from my husbands parents

OP posts:
aquariusmum · 24/12/2007 13:32

Sorry if I sound too bossy, having read that back. Also, the CSA is about money not access, so if she starts removing his access he can take her to court. My pal has done this, and you can get legal fees paid for on legal aid. He needs to stop jumping to her tune, but you tell him in your own time, don't do it my way as I am bull in china shop about this stuff. Big hugs!

Original poster
xmas · 24/12/2007 13:39

its so nice to talk to somebody that understands my problem ,im not alone . Thank you and a merry christmas to you all

OP posts:
aquariusmum · 24/12/2007 13:40

you are not alone, and maybe softly softly you can change things for you and DD next year.

Original poster
xmas · 24/12/2007 13:51

I do hope so i would love to be a complete family than a outsider after all theses years.

OP posts:
Awenamanger · 24/12/2007 14:01

Xmas - i amnot with my ds1's dad. He lives with his partner and her children from prev relationship. I wouldnt dictate to exp wether ds could see his 'step-mum' (they arent married but that is effectively what she is).IF i had safety concerns etc then it would be a different matter. At the end of the day it is about what is best for the kids. Ds1 benefits from having a wider family imo and feels very loved by his step mum and also his step dad.

From what you have said i think your step childrens mother is being completely out of order. I think you should seek some help from mediation to sort out contact so she doesnt call all the shots for selfish reasons. If she will not do this seek a contact order from the courts. IF she is using money as a lever, let her contact the csa because at the end of the day it is about the kids. If they are entitle to more child maintenance then so be it.

Awenamanger · 24/12/2007 14:02

also it sounds like you have been with dp for a while now (must have been to have a 3 year old) so therefore she cannot justify excluding you. Also your dp should make a stand as well. This is simply not fair on the children.

YuleLoveHekateAtSolstice · 24/12/2007 14:04

How awful for you all. Why is she so bitter, do you think?

Original poster
xmas · 24/12/2007 15:18

She is very bitter she has been from day one.She thinks she has the right to control my life she lives 12 miles away from my home but she drives past my house on her way to work even though my road is not on the route to work,she makes me sick she says im not allowed to see her children but she thinks she has the right to stalk me.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 24/12/2007 15:22

Your dh is being out of order by letting his wife dictate to him. How old are your dsc? If they are old enough to express an opinion (which they already are by asking to see their new sibling) then courts will take that into account. Courts look at what is in the best interests of the dc, quite frankly I think they will laugh the ex's demands out of court. Your dh needs to apply for reasonable contact arrangements.

YuleLoveHekateAtSolstice · 24/12/2007 16:28

Wow. Why on earth is she still so angry after 5 years?

Marne · 24/12/2007 16:59

Hi xmas,
I have 3 step kids which i see once a week, we also have 2 dd's, i'm lucky that dh's ex does'nt mind us having them at the weekend, they come to our house and play with the dd's.

I think your dh realy needs to sort this out, it is not fair on you or the children (his and yours).

Original poster
xmas · 27/12/2007 14:02

My huband has spoken to her and its her way or no way and allways ends up in getting out of control. My husband talks through his mother to the ex wife to get some sort of sence from her. The ex wife loves my mother in law becouse the children are dump there every other weekend if not every weekend she never show her true colours to my husbands mother. Can she control our lives like this and black mail us with the CSA

OP posts:
Original poster
xmas · 30/12/2007 14:03

its getting to the point that i want to end my marriage to him my head is so mixed up i have had enough all we do is shout at each other it seems my husband thinks more of his first 3kids than our daughter . he manage to give his 3 other kids money for christmas but not a thing for our daughter . i feel so excluded am i being silly allways 2nd best i feel as if im only here to keep a roof over his head he dont pay any thing towards bills food its a free ride i have been used for so long i think 2008 will be the end of us.

OP posts:
madeindevon2 · 20/01/2008 15:18

xmas. im in a similar situation. let me know if you wanna talk some more.

Lulah · 28/01/2008 19:32

Your DH needs to cut his strings with his ex who is his ex and only his ex!
She is the mother of his children but when he has them it is his choice where he has them and what he does with them.It s not her business,as she does it her way when she has them. He needs to have all four of his children familiar with each other and i am sorry but he sounds a complete plum for not sorting this out sooner.
You keep your chin up for you and your daughter and make your stand on this.
Do not stress about her she isnt worth it but if your marriage is you go for it and make this man wake up !
I doubt it will be easy after all he is just a man!!!!!!!!! good luck

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