My sons father and his partner are separating. Scared of the impact

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My son (8) lives half and half between me and my partner and his dad and his partner. He told me earlier in the week that his step mum has been at her parents house a lot recently and he's worried. I've said maybe she misses her mum and wants to see her but he told me that his dad has told him they needed time apart. His dad sent me a message earlier today and said they have split for good and she will be taking their cats with her. My son is going to be heartbroken. For both losing her and his cats which he loves so much, he's obsessed with them.

Im also worried about his dad as when he and I split he had a major breakdown and was sectioned multiple times due to self harm and attempted suicide.

Since this morning I have been close to tears with worry of how this will impact my ex and ,more importantly, my son.

This is the 2nd break up he has seen in his 8 short years and doesn't have a sibling to go through this with. Im not sure if this is a rant or an ask for help cause I don't know what to do. There's nothing I can do really o know.

I'm dropping my son off with his dad at 6. I haven't told him anything yet but feel like I'm dropping him off to break his heart. 😔😔

His dad has told him that they need time apart. That should be the explanation for now. Your son knows that you and his father been split and his father remained in his life.

It seems as though your son may be more resilient than his dad. I don't know that you can do much to help your ex other than suggest that he get or follow up with a therapist if need be.

I think you need to try and calm yourself and not try and get anxious/ transfer any of that to your child. Ultimately there is nothing you can do when it comes to your exes MH. That’s his responsibility.

In your shoes I would do the following:

• have a chat with the ex and see how he is doing, ask if he needs any ‘boundaried’ support from you. My exh had a ‘wobble’ when his relationship broke down and I still to this day remember telling him that he always had me as a co-parent and as such, he had my support should he need it. It helped stabilise him.
• check in with the ex pre dropping your son off to see how he is getting on.
• if your son doesn’t have already, I would give him access to a device (by this age my children had iPads), so that he can contact you should he wish to when at his fathers.
• reassure your son. Relationships end, that’s ok. All your son needs is reassurance that his mum and dad are still very much there and aren’t going anywhere.

It’s tough and it’s sad. Has your ex indicated what he is going to tell your son? Whether his exp is going to stay in touch/ say goodbye? You need to know the ins and outs so you can be on message with your son.

Can you call your son while he's with dad to check if he needs to come back sooner? Or let dad know you're OK if he wants a bit of time on his own before seeing his son?

Ahhh I'm sorry, as a mum and my ex having snag a women (I view) as much too good for him, I live in fear they will break up. Probably because she's pretty much adored by my DD and lovely.

Maybe just ask him if there anything you can do to support him, remind him he's not alone (your there to co parent too) and maybe just chat to DS once news has been broken and answer any questions he may have but he won't ask Dad because of fear of upsetting daddy.