DH son. Loss, pain and grief

[Hannabanana2021]

Hi everyone. I'm really scared to post but I need advice. I don't know if my feelings are appropriate or what to do.
Long story short me and my partner have children from previous and we have recently started trying for one of our own.
In Nov I had a chemical pregnancy and I conceived again which has now ended in Ectopic. I'm in no way expressing my emotions and everyone's none the wiser but every time I see his son I feel this intense pain and grief towards my losses. I think the feelings are jealousy, jealousy that he was able to have his son no problems at all and I'm desperate to have that with him and it's not working out.
Every time his son says "daddy" I have to walk away and cry. Every time he's affectionate with his son it's the same. I can't even look and often find something else to do thinking that could've been our child. I just don't really know what to do anymore 😭😭😭

I'm so sorry this happened to you op. Are you having any form of grief counseling?

Just so you aren't attacked due to the horrible posters who trawl this part of MN, you may want to ask MN HQ to remove your thread and post on here - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/4439082-tcc-pregnancy-and-step-parenting-support-thread for support.

@KylieKoKo
I haven't. I haven't been able to think about anything clearly at the moment as I'm still in the process of being treated with strong medication to resolve the ectopic and still might need surgery 😢 so everything else has been pushed aside while I'm treated 😔

Prayers

[quote Hannabanana2021]@KylieKoKo
I haven't. I haven't been able to think about anything clearly at the moment as I'm still in the process of being treated with strong medication to resolve the ectopic and still might need surgery 😢 so everything else has been pushed aside while I'm treated 😔[/quote]
@Hannabanana2021 I would consider getting grief counselling to help you process the loss as being of equal importance to any medication and surgery you might need.

Just so you aren't attacked due to the horrible posters who trawl this part of MN, you may want to ask MN HQ to remove your thread and post on here

I really hope that none of these people would stoop so low as to attack anyone in the OP's situation.

I'm prepared for any negative comments. I'm quite resilient at handling them. These thoughts and feelings I'm having obviously wasn't an issue until my losses. DH son has always been treated the same way as I treat my children, maybe even let off a little more out of fear he won't like me and that's the last thing I want. It's just really difficult at the moment 😥

I was in a similar situation. It was hard and I felt so guilty for feeling that way. Counselling helped. You are doing well to not express your feelings in a way that would be noticed by your stepson. Be kind to yourself you're going through a lot. If you need time away take it.

@Hannabanana2021 I'm sorry you are going through this. I can sympathise as I have 2 DSD's of my own and have been through similar. My DP and I started trying for a baby in May last year and very fortunately fell pregnant the first month, however, we sadly miscarried just a few weeks later and the devastation I felt was indescribable. We carried on trying but those months between June-September felt like a lifetime and with every negative test I felt my heart break more and more when I had to watch my DP be such a great dad to my DSD's. I couldn't help but feel almost resentful of the whole situation and that he should be daddy to our child too. And I love my stepchildren so very much it was in no way connected to them if that makes sense.

We fell pregnant again in September and I'm currently 20 weeks and all is going perfectly. My heart goes out to you OP. Please don't give up hope, it will all come good

OP- give yourself a break. You are still recovering, hormones all over the place. You are not a bad person - just messed up right now.

Time and space and abit of TLC