Grandparents gifts only one child got one

[BlindMum]

If you have seen my other posts you will know we are having issues with SC She is getting worsr

But it’s her Christmas to come here this year so she did her grandparents Husband parents dropped her off with Two presents for her to open on Christmas Day saying one was to stay here and one plus to go back to her mothers when she goes home after Christmas

I have a small issue myself and my husband also have a child he is Nine months old They haven’t got him anything he does not know them they have only visited him three times in his life because they always drop off SC When our son is in bed

I have no idea what today I want to have it out with them to ask why they favour her over him but I am pretty sure I already know the answer

There is a huge possibility that she is not actually my husband‘s child but for some reason they are taking it out on my son when he has clearly done nothing wrong and is 100% their grandchild

What do you expect if he might not be his child. Get a deal test and confirm I wouldn't get attached or get gifts either in that case.

Sorry misread that how do you know that about his step daughter. Your child is only a baby maybe they didn't see the need go buy him anything yet

@Bananarama21

What do you expect if he might not be his child. Get a deal test and confirm I wouldn't get attached or get gifts either in that case.

Think the OP is suggesting her SC might not be her husbands child.

I get being upset about the lack of interest in your baby. I had similar feeling with my MIL but I can't see how that is anything to do with your SC?

My parents always got a little something for my children when they were babies. Sometimes practical things like clothes or little baby toys/books. I think your little one’s grandparents could have done the same.

@kirinm It’s more I’m confused about why they are putting one in front of the other I might have just put this in the wrong place just wasn’t sure where to put it

Two separate issues:

One- your in-laws should absolutely be treating your son the same as your stepdaughter. At 9 months he is unlikely to know the difference, but he will as he gets older and it is likely to breed resentment.

Two- it is irrelevant and quite nasty to comment on whether your stepdaughter is your partner’s biological child (if I’m understanding your past paragraph correctly?). Clearly he is her father figure and they see her as a granddaughter (as they should… would you see an adopted stepchild as less than your son?).

Have they by any chance picked up on your attitude of your son being 100% their grandson compared to stepdaughter who may not be biologically related? If so I think they it is anger at you that they are taking out on your son. Still not right, but something to think about.

@Bananarama21 It’s come out recently that the ex was cheating on him at the time she got pregnant There was domestic violence in that relationship and he is too scared to get a DNA test

I don't like it that you are pointing out that your SD might not even be your DH's. Nice!

@Just10moreminutesplease It’s only just come out in the last week or so They do not know anything about it they haven’t been interested since we told them I was pregnant I think it’s more they don’t like me we are very different people

I do try and treat her with the same respect any other child gets in the family except she will not speak to me or we’ll just give me horrible looks this has been going on for awhile but I try to carry on
This is a past problem that social services are aware of

@Bouncer500 I think it’s more I needed to get it out of my head I thought this might be a safer place to ask advice

You had my sympathy until your last paragraph. They should of got your DC a gift but you are implying that the mothers alleged infidelity somehow gives DSC less credibility a day family member and infact maybe shouldn't of received a gift

Get a grip of this.

*as a family member

@jelly79 I think it’s more trying to get out of my head as it’s been spinning around since we found out

They treat both children very differently I understand there is an age difference but to Almost totally ignore a child when the other one has always had everything and anything which I don’t mind That’s what Grandparents should do butjust treat everyone the same

Have they by any chance picked up on your attitude of your son being 100% their grandson compared to stepdaughter who may not be biologically related? If so I think they it is anger at you that they are taking out on your son. Still not right, but something to think about.

Not right at all you’re spot on. Who on earth takes things out on a baby?

Tbh I doubt the above is the case and the OP’s baby just “slipped their mind” because he’s a baby. Pfft.

@OP, why would you conclude that his parents are taking anything out on your child? Do you know with any certainty how the reacted to the granddaughter when she was nine months old?

It is pointless to speculate as to the reasons why they do not seem to be as involved with your son as you would like. It is however a question that your partner could pose to them.

If the question of the granddaughter's paternity is one that has only recently been raised, they may in some way or another associate the possible upheaval in their lives with your arrival in the family and may just be distancing themselves and their emotional investment in this new unit.

Is it possible that they feel that the granddaughter is not treated well in your home and they are trying to compensate?

It may also be as simple as them being more comfortable with an older child.

The easiest route to an answer is to have their son pose the question. They are the only ones who know the answer to your question.

[quote Tattler2]@OP, why would you conclude that his parents are taking anything out on your child? Do you know with any certainty how the reacted to the granddaughter when she was nine months old?

It is pointless to speculate as to the reasons why they do not seem to be as involved with your son as you would like. It is however a question that your partner could pose to them.

If the question of the granddaughter's paternity is one that has only recently been raised, they may in some way or another associate the possible upheaval in their lives with your arrival in the family and may just be distancing themselves and their emotional investment in this new unit.

Is it possible that they feel that the granddaughter is not treated well in your home and they are trying to compensate?

It may also be as simple as them being more comfortable with an older child.

The easiest route to an answer is to have their son pose the question. They are the only ones who know the answer to your question.[/quote]
This.

but I am pretty sure I already know the answer

Which is?

I’m not sure what you are saying on your post tbh. Can I recap please? Are you saying your partners parents have bought a present for your DP’s first DC but have bought nothing for his second child?

If so that is well out of order. It makes no difference whether the child is your DP’s biological child. The GP’s obviously see the child as their GC.

They must realise that your child is also their GC and to ignore the baby is unforgivable!

We have own children, step children, foster children and adopted children in our family. Every child is treated exactly the same.

Put your foot down now OP

Biological parent of the child is one thing, but frankly irrelevant in the question about presents!

As a child, my now DH was treated completely differently to his half siblings by a grandparent on one side. 'He is not one of ours' was a comment the 1st time I met her!!!

That type of disparity festers and the fact DH didn't have issues is beyond me.

Do these grandparents ask after your child or mention him at all in conversation? Did you or DH say anything about the lack of gift? If there isnt a history of not asking after or mentioning your child, I can only think they think he is a baby and doesnt know them anyways- but that would still be really odd.

But it’s her Christmas to come here this year so she did her grandparents Husband parents dropped her off

Does she live with her grandparents some of the time? Why are they doing the dropping off?

I agree they shouldn't be ignoring your little one. Are they really showing no interest at all? Maybe they are scared of looking the eldest one? I think DH should speak to them for next year and explain its going to cause problems so could they buy for one or neither please.

I am wondering if its the grandparents that do all the running about for the child as in picking her up from her mothers and dropping her off ect.

I would love to hear the grandparents side in this

It’s sadly misjudged that they failed to buy even a token gift for their grandson on his first Christmas. But the bit that jumped out for me was that they insist on him being asleep when they drop DSD off. What’s all that about?

And then then instruction about one gift going back to DSD’s mum’s?They sound controlling.

Presumably they are intermediaries because of the ex’s DV?

What does your DH say about their behaviour towards DS?

OP, it seems as though the parents have an issue with your overall relationship. If you.are going to be a long term fixture in this family, perhaps you.need to work on your relationship with his parents.

Why do they seem antagonistic towards your relationship? To the extent that they may have witnessed interactions between their son and his ex, maybe they feel that their son played a role in the demise of his prior marriage or relationship.

In any case, it would seem appropriate for your partner to have a conversation as to their response to his son. They may have theirs reasons for not wanting a relationship with you, but if that is the case,in time they will need to sort their feelings about the boy.

I would think though that it quite possible that his young age may have much to do with it. It might also be a positive if your partner were to take his son to visit his parents when you are not with them. This would allow the grandparents an opportunity to begin to develop a relationship with the grandson that is separate from any relationship with you ( assuming that it is your relationship with their son that is at the core of their issue).

You need not like them and they need not like you, but in time they should develop a relationship with their grandson.

If you were not involved with their son during his marriage, it is unlikely that you have any first hand knowledge about that relationship. Anything that you know is second hand band maybe even revisionist history. You should concentrate on your relationship and not on aspects of your partner's prior relationship in which you had no involvement.

1. Paternity in doubt - do a DNA test
2. Grandparents can do what they like - thier choice. Yes treat fairly but what you do with a walking talking 5 yr old who oyu have known all her life and a 9 month who gets a cuddle and you shake a toy at - is very different - it will evolve in time
3. Domestic violence - ?
4. Cheating ?

You have posted multiple times on multiple threads and the story changes every time - a few days ago your son was 6 months old. Each time you have a dig at a little girl, who thinks her Dad is her Dad - unless your DP decides to dispel that theory which is easily done - then you need to stop going on about it.

Your hatred of this little girl is becoming more obvious by each post, I pity the poor child and am beginning to feel sorry for the GPs who can seem to do anything right. How dare they drop their DGD off with her father after his other baby son is asleep and not come in demanding to see him and kiss and cuddle him.