Newbie! Q re when your sk's live a long way from you

[tory79]

Hello all
This is the first time I have posted on here, although I have been reading the boards!

I won't bore you with all the details of my situation (just yet) like many of you it is horrible and complicated! I just wanted to ask about one thing that has really been playing on my mind recently.

DP and I are getting married next year, and have discussed trying for a baby the year after. SK's live 120 miles away from us, and dp visits every other weekend (sometimes I go too, sometimes they come here (but not that often as sd is only 2 1/2) but I don't see them a great deal, so mostly dp is just away without me) DP also has a fairly demanding job, and is not home til at least 7.30 most nights, and 8/9/10 is not uncommon.

So lately I have become obsessed with wondering what on earth will happen with our children. At this rate dp will only see them every other weekend as well. I know that sometimes sk's will come here, and sometimes we will all go there, but again, more often than not dp will just be away from us every other weekend. I have mentioned this to dp before, but he brushed it aside. He said he might look at getting a new job when the time comes, but the fact is he really loves his job, and its not one that can be done anywhere else.

Do I have the right to put my own children in the situation KNOWING already that they will not get to see that much of their dad? Obviously I would never suggest he saw less of the's! But that is the pre existing situation. I am just getting really worried that this is not a situation to knowingly bring children in to.

Are there others who are already in this situation and how do you deal with it?

Thanks anyone!
Tory xx

my dss lives about 300 miles away.

its easier now he is at school, because we have him for school holidays.

before, he used to stay here most of the time, so we could see them both. could your SC stay with you more? at 2 1/2 dsd is old enough to.

im afraid it will be like this for most of their child life, the sharing and chopping and changing. in school times it will get easier.

could she stay with you for a week? so you look after her and dh doesnt have to travel and stay away from you? and maybe have a day off to see her for a full day? we used to do this too, although 3 weeks at a time was too much for me .

I am not yet in the position of having kids myself - I am wondering out loud if this is the right situation to bring children in to the world in. I love dp very much, obviously, but it pains me to think he will not be around very much to see our kids. Its already the situation for one lot - I would basically be putting our children in to the same situations as the sk's are currently in, the difference being that I would know in advance that that would be the case - surely that can't be right.

Its driving me mad! I suppose I have suddenly started REALLY thinking about it as it comes closer to being a reality.

Tory xx

i have done and am doing that again.(pg with db3)

its just about compromise, sticking to plans and working out a good timetable. maybe the timetable could change?

nice you are thinking though, you obviously support him and your SC.