I wasn't sure whether to put this in the Relationships section as I suspect it's more a DP problem, but in view of the subject matter I thought maybe here was more apt.
I'm seething after a sequence of events that has pretty much confirmed DP's obtuse pig-headedness wrt to his DS and an abyssal lack of communication between us. Basically I'm not allowed to say anything that has his DS in the same sentence however diplomatically put, especially if my opinion differs from his.
The straw that broke the camel's back was a conversation we had last night about finding a babysitter for DD so we could go to a concert in February. I suggested we get one of the girls from DD's nursery. DP said no, said his 13yo DS would do it, the reasoning being that his ex left the boy alone at home for a couple of hours while she finished working and, as he has managed so far (after only 1 month) to not set fire to the house or similar, he obviously is responsible enough to look after another human being until late at night. I mentioned that I didn't want any 13yo babysitting our 2yo (so as not to single out his son in particular otherwise he'd get his back up) but was told it would have to be that or I don't go to the concert.
FFS, we're talking about a 13yo, and a particularly immature 13yo at that. This is the same boy who only 2 weeks ago refused to sleep alone in an upstairs bedroom in a friend's appt because he was scared, and ended up sleeping on the settee in the room next to our bedroom. Quite apart from that I wouldn't want even a mature 13yo to be in sole charge of a small child at night. What would happen if there was a problem, if DD was sick or something? I tried explaining this to DP but all I got was that I had it in for his DS blah blah blah.
I'm so tired to trying to reason with DP. I'm already spending Xmas alone with DD, as DP insists he won't travel with us if DSS can't come. DSS can come, but DP has to stump up for a hotel as we'll be staying with relatives and there is literally no room for that extra person, as it is DD will be sleeping in bed with us. But no, DP's too stingy to shell out for a hotel on top of the flight so he'd rather we didn't have a holiday at all...The big joke is we've never had DSS over Xmas as he's always been away on some trip and will be this year too, so wouldn't be able to come anyway! A similar thing happened this summer with DP neglecting to tell me that his ex had booked the same week as us so we never got a holiday as DSS wasn't coming and I can see this problem repeating itself ad infinitum and we'll never again have a family holiday all together.
The sad thing is that DP is a perfectly reasonable bloke for most other things, I'm just not allowed to have an opinion wrt yo DSS, I just get shouted down and insulted. This is really stressing me out and after last night I am seriously thinking of telling him to pack his bags. I've put up with all sorts of crap over the years (such as making plans with ex and not telling me) but the difference is now that DD is suffering for his principles.
That was long and boring. Sorry, had to get it off my chest