I get the impression that because her boyfriend has been crapped all over by his ex she feels she needs to try it with me. This poor bloke has had his kids surname changed to his ex's new married name and calls this other bloke 'dad'. So I know I am not alone in having a rough time of it, but you would think that my ex wife would see how much it hurts him and give me an easier time but she takes the opposite route, even trying to change my sons surname.
I don't think my marriage was meant to work from the start, I didn't realise that when I said 'I do' that I would be marrying her whole family too. I know she is bitter because when people stepped out of line I felt I had to be honest and speak up instead of grinning and bearing it. To be fair I did on several occasions suggest her mother stops interfering but I was never rude. The problem with my ex wife is (and she is the first to admit this) she is very child like (notice I am not saying childish. yet ).
I don't claim I was a perfect husband to her by any stretch, but I always tried to work at the marriage. After we got married I left the army (a well paid job)and walked into an even better paid job with very little out goings. The only money we owed was the mortagage and a little bit to her dad as she wanted to invite 18 million people to our small wedding. So there was plenty of money for her to drive into the next town with her friend and buy pretty much what she wanted. When I had a nasty accident and broke my knee, she didn't want to know, I had to give up work for 6 months, and I spent most of this time sat alone in the house all day and night with no visitors. The thing is she has always been bitter, always held a grudge and always brings irrelevent badly remembered things up from the past. She told one of my friends I used to hit her, this person won't speak to me now and I never got an invite to his wedding, she did though. If I had been such an arse as to hit her I would admit it, more to the point, when the police were involved the questioned me for about 10 minutes then suggested I persue an assault case against her, as she had CLEARLY assaulted me not long before the police arrived but I didn't feel it would solve anything. One thing I do admit to was one christmas eve she threw an open bottle of wine all over me because I dared to suggest that tt was a little late in the day to cancel Christmas dinner with my mother and go to hers instead, I retaliated by calmy spitting my mouthful of blossom hill in her face before walking out. I regret this and have to live with it. Not exactly an assault but still not a nice thing to do. The following year things got worse, as there were just no jobs anywhere near our town for my skills, so we agreed to look into moving away, possibly even abroad. But every job offer that came up would lead to an excuse not to go. Perhaps I should have seen the writing on the wall and just picked a nice job in the sun but I was married with a child and I believed I should stay and make it work. She became impossible to live with, she complained about everything, she became awkward, secretive and sometimes quite nasty. One job offer that came up meant a long weekend a month, she suggested I take it and come home once a month, but I thought we should go as a family and in the end turned it down, the agency stopped calling after that. Eventually the settee became my bed, and then one day I came home to find my key didn't work. I went to her work and kicked up a fuss til she let me have access to get some clothes. Going into the house i found a computer game system hooked up to the tv and a load of mens clothes that weren't mine, her brother forced his way in and claimed that the size ten shoes in the hall were for his tiny feet, and I couldn't stop laughing as I packed my stuff at the comedy of the situation, right then and there everything clicked into place, she had found someone else, and instead of being honest she tried tomake me end it by becoming impossible with me, and when that didn't work she changed the locks. I think she forgot to stop being a bitch when she got what she wanted. To be honest I sometimes wonder if she just went mental, the first time she let my son stay at my flat when we seperated she turned up at midnight and was screaming that I had taken him from her, as I hurried about gathering his things to keep her quiet and not get me evicted from my flat in the first week I didn't realise she stole my entire dvd collection, when I say collection, it was 2 dvd's. When we divorced my solicitor demanded they were returned or she would not let me continue with the divorce, I got them back with what looked like 'bastard' scratched into them. I would understand it if I had had an affair, or done the things she did. Hearing a friend talk about his divorce recently, he said his ex recently admitted after 18 years that she had to find a way to hate him to get on with her life, maybe my ex wife is the same. Some times we chuckle at the completely obvious lies she tells, you know the sort of tall stories your friend at school told that were clearly a product of an over active imagination. I have quite enjoyed writing this, its one of those not funny at the time but side splittingly funny now, like getting the old boy trapped in the zipper. I am not sure clairejo will enjoy reading it, it may be a little od for her, but for me it gives me a chuckle to think of what life was like back then, I don't feel angry with my ex wife about what happened, I don't feel sad that we split up either, I can't say I am overjoyed with it either, I don't really feel anything about it, which is an odd thing to say really, my friend moved to america when I was a kid, I was a bid sad about it for a while but there you go, it never really had a profound effect on me. I was married to my ex wife once, it didn't really work out, it happened, but it's in the past, I was probably a bit upset about it at the time, but I think I kind of knew it was dying and as such when it did it never really affected me, certainly not to the point where I feel any bitternes about it. A person cannot change their history, the only thing I would like to be different is the needless lies, they only made the situation worse. Of course more amicability where christmas and other holidays would be nice too.
Having just re read this, it seems to suggest that my ex is an axe wielding fruitloop hell bent on death and destruction, in order to attept to balance it slightly I must add that it can't have been easy for her, I joined the army straight from school, and as such when I left I was fairly regimented, and perhaps having a moan about shoes left in the middle of the floor was something I should have reigned in. I am sure that clairejo will attest shoes left in the middle of floor don't get me angry in the slightest any more, half cups of coffee are another story for her to tell. (I am half expecting my bags packed waiting for me when I get home from work tomorrow for that one)
Serioualy though, I don't see the need to be forever bitter about something, lifes too short.