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Original poster

DSC old toys etc

26 replies

CloudyStorms · 01/12/2021 14:37

I don't know if this is normal when they have two homes but DSC keeps bringing old toys and stuff they don't want to get rid of but don't really use anymore to come and stay at our house. You know the sort of stuff you'd put away in the loft or maybe persuade them to give to charity (and then bin if it's gross). Doesn't help their mum keeps saying it's for my DC as I don't really want or need an old Teddy filled with dust etc and then it just gets awkward. What do you all do? Their room here is just like a toy graveyard!

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candlelightsatdawn · 01/12/2021 15:03

I would personally farm through what is broken and what's saveable. Explain to DSC there's some kids who would really love some of their old toys for Christmas who are on limited income and would they help you sort out some of their old toys out to give to them ?

Then take them to charity shop !

Original poster
CloudyStorms · 01/12/2021 15:41

It's hard because their mum bigs it up to them as giving it to their sibling then if I turn round and reject it it's me who looks bad. I think I need DH to step in and not just say yes ok.

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funinthesun19 · 01/12/2021 17:17

It’s not for their mum to decide what will be given to your child so she needs to stop trying to dress it up as a nice big gesture for your child when really she just wants a clear out and this is the easiest option for you.

funinthesun19 · 01/12/2021 17:17

easiest option for HER

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/12/2021 17:21

I’m trying to imagine my DSC mum offering my daughter anything, even a dusty teddy, as first she’d have to acknowledge she exists Grin

If that’s the pretext I think it’s easier, DH can just decline and say you’ve already got more than you need so no thanks and she should keep anything they like as you’re offloading stuff so anything at yours will be going to the charity shop.

Original poster
CloudyStorms · 01/12/2021 17:38

@funinthesun19 that is exactly what it feels like thank you! It's like she doesn't want to be the one that says the manky Teddy has to go so it ends up here and we're stuck with it! I might try explaining we need to free up space for Christmas so it's either got to go to mums or the charity shop. But then I fear we'll be playing pass the manky Teddy and jigsaws with bits missing etc for years to come.

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Santaischeckinglists · 01/12/2021 17:38

Give them a bowl of soapy water. Wash them all and help them bag them up for dc who haven't got as much as them.
Donate to charity. Give dc a few quid each for being so thoughtful.
Job done

Original poster
CloudyStorms · 01/12/2021 17:39

@AnneLovesGilbert this is the only context in which my child exists I think. That and her moaning about anything we do for them and not her kids. Even though I'm the one who usually pays for our kid anyway as the higher earner.

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Original poster
CloudyStorms · 01/12/2021 17:42

The majority of the stuff isn't really something a charity shop would even want. Half complete jigsaws and the soft toys are a state. I imagine she's tried to get them to throw them away in the past and they've kicked up a fuss and so they end up at ours "for DC"

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candlelightsatdawn · 01/12/2021 17:47

I mean I would interchangeably use the word "charity shop" to also mean the word "bin" just not tell the kids or the ex. I do this with my DD and toys she doesn't use or are to broken.

I wouldn't tell them but still give them a pound for being so thoughtful for things going to the "charity" shop aka the bin.

You don't have to hoard a load of broken toys at your house just because SC.

Original poster
CloudyStorms · 01/12/2021 17:49

Ah got you @candlelightsatdawn 😉 I'll tell the DSC DC has enough toys and I'll take them to the 'charity shop'.

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Nowomenaroundeh · 01/12/2021 18:51

Great suggestions there from @candlelightsatdawn. She is totally doing a clear out.

I had an identical experience here except thankfully the SC were beyond cuddly toys age so I didn't have to pacify them. Sending 'useful things' over began before I was even pregnant. We had moved in together (in a new home for both of us) when I noticed boxes of tat arriving. According to the SC their mum had dropped it off for us. The first load I quietly seethed and got rid of (we are talking ancient desktop computer, unmatched bed clothes, random kitchen utensils) but when more came including a load
of romantic photographs of her and my partner i ensured they were promptly delivered back.

That didn't stop her then 'donating' a load of broken and worn out baby items on her next clearout. Again, returned.

Ironically our DC is now old enough to appreciate some of the saved toys such as my little pony collections or Sylvanian families but when DP suggested to them they might like to give them as Christmas or birthday presents we were informed we would have to pay. Fine we said but then when it turned out to be RRP we declined.

Original poster
CloudyStorms · 01/12/2021 18:56

when DP suggested to them they might like to give them as Christmas or birthday presents we were informed we would have to pay are you saying not only was mum trying to offload outgrown toys to you she also wanted DP to pay for them?!

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candlelightsatdawn · 01/12/2021 19:37

when DP suggested to them they might like to give them as Christmas or birthday presents we were informed we would have to pay

🤯🤯🤯 here's all my junk you can have but if your DC enjoy the "toys" then you have to pay.

So basically if this stuff annoys you great, if you or the kids will derive pleasure from it please pay me.

Are we in parallel universe ? You know I would be tempted to take the ex to the "charity shop" .. 😅

You don't have to tell anyone, anyone asks just oh this will be so appreciated at my local "charity shop" 😂

Duxiejhrhrvjz · 01/12/2021 19:40

Oh no I give my DC’s things to their baby sibling 😂😂😂😂 I will stop!

Original poster
CloudyStorms · 01/12/2021 20:00

@Duxiejhrhrvjz

Oh no I give my DC’s things to their baby sibling 😂😂😂😂 I will stop!
As in your baby or as in someone else's? If it's someone else's then please just ask before you dump stuff on them.
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Lena007 · 01/12/2021 22:22

How about you buy one special box for used toys from your DSC? That's all, the most precious, favourite toys etc go in there. I would say I only have that much space at home, it can't be cluttered and DSC need to decide what can stay as a Gift from them to DC. Take the rest of the toys to charity or bin.
Plus if you tell them more free space in their room is needed for new toys, get them to do pre Christmas clear out or something similar, would it not convince them? Grin

Nowomenaroundeh · 01/12/2021 23:53

@Cloudystorms and @candlelightsatdawn sorry no, I wasn't clear. The mum is bad but not THAT bad, she didn't try to charge us money.

As our DC got a bit older she began appreciating toys including Sylvanians and my little ponys. The youngest DSC still has lots put away in the attic at her mum's in good condition. So her dad (my DP) suggested she gift some to her sister (our DC). She said she wanted to sell them. This was fair enough, they were hers, she kept them and took care of them. I approved of her entrepreneurial spirit. But then she informed us she expected full RRP so we felt she was pushing it and declined.

candlelightsatdawn · 02/12/2021 06:39

@Nowomenaroundeh ahhhh that makes more sense ! I had read it like the ex wanting paying for the toys 🤯

I would be kinda proud of that business acumen in DSC but your right RRP is a little cheeky 😂😂😂

Original poster
CloudyStorms · 02/12/2021 07:40

[quote candlelightsatdawn]@Nowomenaroundeh ahhhh that makes more sense ! I had read it like the ex wanting paying for the toys 🤯

I would be kinda proud of that business acumen in DSC but your right RRP is a little cheeky 😂😂😂 [/quote]
Same! I'd probably help them set up an ebay account. Now there's an idea..

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Tattler2 · 04/12/2021 13:24

I would probably tell them that we only have space for one special toy from the group and that the other toys have to go back to their other home. I would then have dad return the other toys back to mom's house.

I would not get into any discussions related to this beyond the return of the toys. Mom could do whatever she chose to do with the returned toys.

I would not propose any alternative solutions; you do not wish to be later accused of making them get rid of their childhood memorabilia.

It is amazing how much junk gets reclassified as significant memorabilia when stories and tales are revisited later in life.

I would make their mom the keeper of significant mementos and valued toys, and I would tolerate her insults related to my not keeping those souvenirs with quiet indifference.

BungleandGeorge · 04/12/2021 13:40

Why don’t you just put them back in their bags to
Take back to Mum’s house? Do they have any stuff at Dad’s house?

Original poster
CloudyStorms · 04/12/2021 14:40

Yes they do. But space is more limited here than at their mums and we don't have loft storage where as mum does. DH is going to send it back next time and say sorry no room for it unless they get rid of some of their old toys. I've put my foot down and said there's no way my LO is playing with it.

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Original poster
CloudyStorms · 04/12/2021 14:42

We've also been told by one of the DSC that this is whats left after they've gone through it for one of their mums friends who is the same age as DC. So it's the unwanted dregs they don't want to throw away but isn't good enough for their mums friends DC either.

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Tattler2 · 04/12/2021 19:48

OP, why waste time analyzing the mom's motivation?All that should matter is that your have neither the space nor the inclination to store these items. That should end this particular issue.