Struggling Stepdad

[Stepdadnew]

I'm new here, so firstly hello!

I've been with my partner for around 18onths when we got together she had two sons with her ex. I'll start by saying that they both me the world to me and have brought so much happiness into my life.

When we got settled we decided to move. More space for us all, nice house in quiet area. The kids were both on board and all was well. We discussed at the time how woth a new house and new dynamic we would set some boundaries. This was all agreed.

I have stuck religiously to what we, as a family, agreed. But my six year old step son is rebelling and is driving me mad. He is rude and arrogant, tells me quite openly that he doesn't need to listen to anything I say and that whe I'm not around he is happier because his mum doesn't ask him to do the things I do. It's breaking my heart but I'm a firm believer in boundaries. Nothing dramatic but things like. Picking up his rubbish, tidying his toys before bed, no having 6 hours a day on thenTV etc. I think they are all reasonable - am I wrong?

I'm so conscious that I am fast approaching my limit and I do not want to shout at him. I have never raised my voice. This is because I know he will be upset and equally it will divide me and partner. She says she will talk to him which has happened before and things are smoothed over for all of a week before we are back to square one.

How many times can I try and address that as an adult with no actual legal rights to this child, I cannot carry on being belittled and ignored by him. Anyone else had similar and how did you address it?

Any advice welcome.

You feel belittled by a 6 year old. Seriously, get a grip.

And living together after such a short time, I’m not surprised there are issues. You’ve gone way to fast and now you’re shocked everything isn’t smooth sailing. You sound extremely naive and you and his mum have acted irresponsibly to rush all this. You need to back off and let her parent.

I’m not sure what’s changed in relation to expectations and his behaviour since you moved in together or if being with him 24/7 is making you see things differently.

Was he allowed to watch tv 6 hours a day before you lived together? If so do you mean you asked her to limit it, she agreed she would and now she’s letting it slide?

Its not easy taking on someone else's children so all kudos to you. Given the circumstances you describe I don't think it's possible for you to step back that much, as you're in the thick of it. Getting on the same page as your DP will help, as I think will having realistic expectations.

Personally, I think the area's you mentioned are reasonable, but it all depends on the context - eg were they sat in front of the TV for 6 hours before? If yes, it's going to take time to shift that. Compassion, consistency & bucket loads of patience. My DD was a nightmare at 6, getting her to do anything was like turning a submarine. You have to stick with it, be on the same page and most importantly pick your battles. Kids push boundaries, and often even more so if they see it gets to you..