Access being denied for the umpteenth time

[User838960]

I have name changed for this as didn't want it linked to previous posts in case it was outing.

I don't know if this is the right place to post this but I was hoping for some advice. An incident has happened with DP's ex (mother of DSD) in which she has blown it all up and is now denying my DP access to dsd. They do not have a court agreement in place and she frequently threatens no access and the courts when she wants to exert control. She also has decided she does not want me anyway near dsd anymore. It is all quite clearly to drive a wedge between myself and DP however that is not the reason for my post.

What can be done in this situation? DP feels going through the courts is the best solution to put an end to this constant manipulative nonsense however the reason he has never gone down this route is for fear of how long it takes and how long she could really deny access. He is completely at her mercy as does not want to miss his fortnightly visitations with his little girl. The longest she has stuck to her threats is 3 weeks but it is always so scary and upsetting for DP.

We live in Ireland. Any advice as to how long the process can take or if there is anything that can be done in the interim? None of this has anything to do with him not sticking to visitation or child maintenance payments etc by the way. It's more to to with her struggling to let go of him not answering to her anymore and it is so so tiring.

I know this is not my battle but I want to support DP and understand how these things work myself as I do not have children.

I'm not sure if it's been mentioned, but in ireland, if your DP was not married to the mother of the baby, then she has sole legal guardianship. So he will need to apply for access. Treoir is one place he can reach out. Lots of info here. www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/cohabiting_couples/custody_of_children_and_unmarried_couples.html

Can I give you a non judgemental bit of advise? Step back from trying to organise any of this. It is up to your DP to do it, it won't look good in the courts and its another stick for her to beat him with.

@SnipSnipMrBurgess Oh I completely agree and I will 100% be taking a step back. I just wanted to gain an understanding for my own benefit. Makes me really sad to hear how long and drawn out this can all be though!

Thanks for that link. They weren't married so that is useful.

@sunshineandrain82 Wow I had no idea it would be quite a few visits. Goes to show how naïve I am to all of this! I don't think his ex will deny mediation but she is likely to dig her heels in and drag it out as long as possible to hurt him.

[quote User838960]@sunshineandrain82 Wow I had no idea it would be quite a few visits. Goes to show how naïve I am to all of this! I don't think his ex will deny mediation but she is likely to dig her heels in and drag it out as long as possible to hurt him.[/quote]
Sadly some people do.
For us it's because she contested everything the court ordered. So it's now a contested hearing.

Usually it's only a couple of hours each hearing. But now it's listed for a full day hearing. You can have half a day hearing as well.

[quote RedWingBoots]@candlelightsatdawn what my DP was warned by a few people is that some parents will drag out mediation for months and also may have a family solicitor encouraging this because they know that if it is taken to Court neither parent will get exactly what they want.

However it was pointed out to my DP, by parents who did end up going to Court, that even though you won't get exactly what you want in Court for your children's mental health and your relationship with them, go to Court if mediation is being dragged out by their other parent.[/quote]
That's a slightly depressing read I'm not going to lie. Blows my brain people will do this to their own kids.

😩😩😩

Your partner needs to be building a trace of everything. Comms such as messages and emails that show that contact is being controlled. And he needs to consider how every single email / message he sends might be intercontinental the court.
On here you will find people with a sad story of being stuck in a cycle of mediation and broken agreements but never going to court because back in mediation a new agreement is made, only to be broken soon afterwards.

Depends what the "incident" is tbh? Would it be something you'd be happy for her to bring up in court?

@Itsalmostanaccessory

Is she at school? He can go and collect her from school and keep her for the weekend/the week. He has as much right as the mother. It isnt wrong. It isnt kidnap. He can go and collect the child and simply tell his ex no. Then return her after the weekend. And also go and see a solicitor today/tomorrow if possible and get the court process started.

Has he kept all communication? If he can show a court that she is using the child as a weapon then she'll be in the shit.

He'll end up in a whole heap of shit if he tries this as his opening move. I know you are not a parent OP but don't encourage him to abduct his child based on some insane advice from a random poster on an Internet forum.

At this stage, it's not even clear if the father is on the Birth Certificate. I'll keep reading

Make an application to the District Court
www.courts.ie/guardianship-custody-and-access

Find a Law Centre near you
www.legalaidboard.ie/en/our-services/legal-aid-services/find-a-law-centre/
Family Mediation
www.legalaidboard.ie/en/our-services/family-mediation/
Dealing with separation
www.legalaidboard.ie/en/our-services/family-mediation/family-mediation-service-booklet.pdf

Citizens Advice Bureau - Mediation FREE or PRIVATE mediation
www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/separation_and_divorce/family_mediation_service.html

Treoir - Information for Unmarried Parents
www.treoir.ie/groups/shared-parenting/