Should I end it?

[DollyMay90]

Hi all!

Really need some advice!!!!

So me and bf been together 5 years. I have one child with my ex and we have a child together. He has a child from a previous relationship.

This sounds awful but I really don't like him And I'm really struggling to keep mine and my boyfriends relationship together. Has anyone left because of step kids?

He has done really nasty stuff to my kids over the years. I won't go into detail but he says really inappropriate (sexual) things to my kids, he's made nasty online accounts about people, he made a accusation about me which wasn't true, he gave my 5 year old a serious head injury (kicked him) The list goes on. He compulsively lies and I find him really manipulative. I don't trust him one bit and I don't want him around my children.

Now my kids are far from perfect but they have never said or done anything nasty, bullying things to him. (Which my bf aggress with) In fact they absolutely love it when he's comes round. I total get all siblings fight and argue but I feel like hes not normal with the things hes comes out and what he does. I don't want my kids subject to that. My bf says that he's "just a kid". but I just don't think that's normal behaviour. Am I being mean or overreacting??

You are absolutely not overreacting. Someone like that wouldn’t be weighing 100m of my children never mind living in their home, their safe space. Why would you do that to them?

Was he like this before you had a baby with your boyfriend though? Or has it been a recent thing? I have no idea why you wouldn’t have immediately ended the relationship after the child gave your son a serious head injury. Insanity. Please tell me you didn’t go on to get pregnant after that?! Are you living with BF and his son?

I really wouldn't blame you. I'd be putting safety of my kids first and getting them far away as possible

He injured your child by kicking him? And you're still with him?

You need to end this for your children, I wouldn't have this child anywhere near mine.

The issue you will have with separating is that your ex will have the baby and his older son, who you say abuses your children, at the same time. This means you won't be able to protect your baby.

You will have a fight on your hands to get him to have them at different times and the Family Court sees sibling, including half-sibling relationships, as important.

It may be better for you and your children to make yourselves scarce when your partner's child visits.

Have to agree with red wings here.

If you separate you cannot dictate the realms of how he conducts his contact so won't be able to stop more things from occurring and if your DP stance is kids be kids, he won't be watching either and you won't be present to stop the child.

Hopefully someone with better legal knowledge will come along and advise you better if they have been in similar position but I suspect it will be as the above states.

I have to ask is the child nerotypical ? Has this always been a issue or just started at a certain age or when a life change happened.

At this point your gonna get a lot of comments going "omg why did you have a baby with this man" if it's always been the case, which is as helpful as a spoon to your current situation.

I would avoid contact time when he's around like the plague tbh. We had to rehome our pet dog for this reason as DSD couldn't be trusted but you absolutely whether animal or child do everything you can to mitigate or eliminate the damage no matter what the cause.

If you don't live together I would keep it this way and never ever blend. If this is your house I would be suggesting DP moves out and he deals with his and you deal with yours and your relationship is kept separate from the kids. This may or may not be agreeable but less disagreeable to some than breaking up.

Fucking hell! You have to ask?
Yes you should leave.
You should have left when he said sexually inappropriate things to your children.
You should have left when he kicked your child in the head.

Unless you can ensure that he is never in the same room as your children then you have to leave to protect them and insist that the dad doesn't have his child and the child you share at the same time.

Also OP if your OH has his child on his own so has to do all the hands on care for him because you and your kids aren't around he may then stop saying "kids will be kids".

Unfortunately lots of fathers don't parent on their own enough. They need to be made to in different circumstances.

Once they do they don't put up with shitty and abusive behaviour from their children.

Walk away OP.
This won’t get any better with time.
You and your children deserve so much better.

What a difficult situation.

If I were you, I would have a meeting with a family solicitor. I would provide them with all the evidence you have regarding your stepson. Is it documented that he caused the injury? Has there been social services involvement, safeguarding interventions etc? They will then be able to provide advice as to how likely it is that you will be able to protect your kids if you split up. They can provide advice on orders etc. You will then be making decisions based on professional advice and knowledge.

I would have everything set up first before you split (if that’s the decision you make) acting on the assumption that his father will not keep them separate.

I came on to say similar to redwings, you won't be able to stop your SS from being around your child with your BF.

How old is he? Was his behaviour like this before you had a baby together? Dose you BF know how serious you are about ending it or dose he think your just moaning and will get over it?

I'd be saying that tye SS won't be allowed around your children going forward and BF will need to make arrangements away from your children until he addresses his oldest child's behaviour.

Yes leave and see if you can get a court arrangement where dad has to see your child away from his evil one. Maybe see a solicitor before deciding.

Get away, put your kids first

@IncompleteSenten

Fucking hell! You have to ask? Yes you should leave. You should have left when he said sexually inappropriate things to your children. You should have left when he kicked your child in the head.

Unless you can ensure that he is never in the same room as your children then you have to leave to protect them and insist that the dad doesn't have his child and the child you share at the same time.

I think a few people have read it the same way as I initially did, i.e. it's the partner doing all these things (sexual comments, kicking etc)

However I re-read and I think it's the partners son.

What age is he OP?

Yeah took me a while, I think it's the stepson

Perhaps, a different way of looking at the situation would be to ask yourself the question " as a young child would you have wanted your mom to keep you in a household or close proximity to someone who was physically and emotionally abusing you just so that she could continue to remain in a romantic relationship with his father? What romantic relationship is worth maintaining at the cost of your child's physical and emotional save?

WTF did I just read???!!!! He makes sexual comments to and has kicked your DC???? Why are you even asking? Why are you even still with him??? I"d rather live on the streets than let someone mistreat my DC and I'm not the overly protective type at all. Get away from this man!

@sunnyzweibrucken

WTF did I just read???!!!! He makes sexual comments to and has kicked your DC???? Why are you even asking? Why are you even still with him??? I"d rather live on the streets than let someone mistreat my DC and I'm not the overly protective type at all. Get away from this man!

I really might have read the post incorrectly but I think it's DP child doing all this to OPs child.

I'm not sure that makes the advice I would give anymore different though and I could be really wrong.