Thoughts on tracking phone apps?

[NorthernSpirit]

Can I ask for some advice?

My 13 YO SS’s mum has downloaded the 360 tracking app onto my SS’s phone. His dad (my OH) discovered she was checking the app numerous times a day when the SS was with us - so asked his son to turn the app off when he’s with us (and he can switch it back on when he’s at his mums).

His mum has gone mad - demanding the app is switched back on so she can see and track where he is.

My OH isn’t comfortable with this - his EW tracking our every move on dads contact time.

Personally - I’m not a fan of these apps as I don’t think we should be following kids around (he’s 13 now) and I think we should be teaching kids to manage without adult supervision which is an important part of the growing up process. But that’s by the by.

Thoughts?

She’s highly controlling and this is likely to start WW3.

Thanks.

Urgh we had this the other way around where my SCs were tracking my DP without our knowledge. They’d accessed his find my friends app and given themselves permission to track his whereabouts.

We only found out because DP took a random day of annual leave and woke up to messages from his kids saying “why aren’t you at work?”

It was a massive invasion of privacy and DP deleted the app straight away. I’m not sure how long they were tracking him but I suspect it was quite a few months as looking back there were times we were asked where we were for dinner etc and it was obvious they knew we were at a restaurant.

Why did they do that? That's disgusting.

By all means turn the tracker off, but don't take the phone from DSS on contact time. He should still be able to text and phone his friends!

Our DSS has just got his driving licence so we've asked for the "find my son" to be set to on all the time, but DH is very respectful of checking up on his whereabouts.

We joke that DH also has "find my wife" switched on but we both have it, he works unsociable hours just as much as I do so it works well to know when to put the tea on when I'm half an hour away from home.

Having the ex wife tracking our movements would be really unnerving and I say that having been through years of the ex wife being all judgy and prying on EVERYTHING we do with the kids. And yes OP, she's one of those who won't let the kids phone their dad on speakerphone in her home and threatened all sorts of batshit stuff if he asked hours in advance to drop them home 20 mins late on his time.

I think this needs to be turned off if it's being used as a critical weapon. But I'd also be slightly amused about her thinking she has control and all she is doing is twirling herself into a bit of a frenzy when she's sat at home staring at it

@PingedPotato are you asking me or the OP?

If it was me then I think their reasons for doing it are financial and to exert control. Both children are very entitled and expect their dad’s whole world to revolve around them and only them. They also think he should spend every penny he has on them, never on himself or me.

When DP had his day of annual leave they were furious that he hadn’t told them and that he’d not gone to pick them up and take them to school instead of them getting the school bus.

When we went for dinner they were furious we were having a treat that didn’t involve them… my kids weren’t included either by the way, we were having a date night.

Totally unacceptable, OP. Feel free to turn the app or phone off when he’s with you. How does DSS feel about all this? Is him mother calling/texting on the mobile when he’s with you?

So my OH has agreed with his son that the tracking app is to be turned off when he picks him up and then he can switch it back on when he’s dropped off.

Apparently mummy isn’t going to be happy - but that’s tough. We don’t track her movements (and we would never dream of doing so).

SS isn’t happy about having the tracker.

She rings & texts constantly when the kids are here. At least 4 x per day. This is in contrast to their dad ringing them at a court stated time 3 x a week.

I think as they kids have got older & she can’t control them & contact she’s struggling. This is control on her part. When she moved house & wouldn’t tell my OH where the kids had moved to she told my OH the kids could stand on a street corner (on a busy main road) & be picked up from there (this didn’t happen as he got a solicitor involved). So I don’t think for one minute that the tracker is in the best interests of the kids - it’s yet another example of her trying to exert control. They were only married for 9 years, they’ve been divorced for 9. Her batshittery continues.

Sorry that was for you@SpongebobNoPants. What a horrible way for your partner (and you) to be treated by their own kids!

I really can't see the harm Life 360 is just a basic location app.

Surely at 13 he's old enough to decide for himself if he doesn't mind it.

@Willyoujustbequiet

I really can't see the harm Life 360 is just a basic location app.

Surely at 13 he's old enough to decide for himself if he doesn't mind it.

He doesn't like it.

Sounds like she has anxiety/other issues she needs to address if she feels the need to track him when he's with his father.

This feels like a episode of black mirror- I'm sure they had a simple episode about tracking children.Recipe for real abuse in wrong hands.

In the right hands I would be like, Egh not a hill I will die on. In hands of OPs ex it would absolutely be a hill I would die on and then some.

She sounds nuts so bloody nuts

Shheesh, she sounds obsessed. This must be really unsettling for all of you and I feel so sorry for the DCs.

It’s such a classic example of a parent becoming blinded to what’s best for their children because their priority is the obsession with control.

Is it worth getting another letter advising her restrict calls and texts during dad’s contact time?

We have one on DSDs phone as she lives with us but when she’s at her mums we said it’s up to DSD if she wants to turn it off and we don’t check it. It’s a breach of DSDs mums privacy in my view for us to check it and she’s responsible for DSD when she’s there so there’s no need for us to check

She sounds completely nuts. As for the PP whose partner tracks their daughter at uni, how fucking weird and dystopian is that?

So... mum needs to know where her son is with his dad AT ALL TIMES...

But she refused to tell dad their home address where son lives half the time?

I see all what your saying and agree with you and think it’s wrong . But then again who is she harming by the app being on? Would you rather there be peace or war. Not everything is worth a fight . I don’t see how its greatly negatively impacts you and your husband that she’s stalking her kids except for it being annoying and weird

Can you provide him with another phone that is used at your place and leave the "mum phone " at your home when you go out? The mum is very unreasonable. I would only use it for specific situations like my child has forgotten their key and I want to know if they are on their way home or I can nip out and back.

Does she know that location on phones can be faked ? I wouldn't encourage dss to do it because you wouldn't want him to get into trouble but she is very unreasonable