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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Partners ex

31 replies

MumOfTwo524 · 02/11/2021 16:30

So. I've been with my partner for about 18 months and have gained two step daughters (I have two girls of my own). My partner moved in with us January this year, ever since he's moved in with me, the mother of his children would cause problems such as: telling the children to say I've touched them wrong, stealing things I would let her children borrow such as mine and my daughters lunch boxes bags shoes etc, tried to get in between our relationship (telling me lies about my partner), one day we even had to call the police on her after she turned up at our home demanding her ddaughter despite it being dads set day. Anyway my eldest and her youngest are in the same class at school, over the last couple of months I have noticed her infiltrating my friendship groups and trying hard to make friends with my mum friends from school. It's been a bit upsetting but I've tried to ignore it and ignore the people that have been a bit two faced by being friendly with her, why would I want them as friends anyway? Now, what I have noticed in the last couple of weeks is that she has started dressing like me!!! She has completely changed her style and is wearing almost identical outfits that I wear!! Its really winding me up but I feel like I can't speak to anyone as I'll sound petty, does anyone think they know why she might be doing this? She isn't trying to be friends with me as I've given opportunities for that in the past and she still had to act up. Do you think she wants my partner back or what? She had multiple affairs which is why they broke up so I'm not sure, I just don't understand why she is copying my style it's so creepy. HELP what do I do I feel like she's obsessed with me tell me I'm wrong please

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 02/11/2021 18:27

I’d cut and run. She won’t be winning if you do, you will. She’s insane and you’re only 18 months in. I couldn’t be putting up with this.

nimbuscloud · 02/11/2021 18:30

I’d ask him to move back out again and I’d think long and hard about continuing the relationship.

nimbuscloud · 02/11/2021 18:30

What age are your children? They don’t need this shit in their lives.

Bellyups · 02/11/2021 18:33

Nah fuck that. Far too much drama. Don’t let it effect your kids

KylieKoKo · 02/11/2021 18:36

telling the children to say I've touched them wrong,

Never be alone with the children if they are capable of telling lies about you like this.

Hapoydayz · 02/11/2021 18:36

Kids in the same class. Your relationship is not worth the drama for the children

SlugRose · 02/11/2021 18:46

Leave. Your child deserves better than to be caught up in all this. I think I can only cope with being a step mum because the ex moves in different circles to me.

BadlyFormedQuestion · 02/11/2021 18:52

I agree. This is NOT worth it. Your children deserve better than this.

Original poster
MumOfTwo524 · 02/11/2021 21:20

That wasn't what happened I curled the girls hair because she asked (7yo) and when she went home and told her mum, her mum told her to say to her nan (my partners mum) and her teacher that "i was touching her and she didn't want me to" nothing about the hair though Confused . Instead of doing this the girl told me and her dad what her mum said. They are such lovely children but thank you for your comment I see where it's coming from

OP posts:
Original poster
MumOfTwo524 · 02/11/2021 21:28

I can't believe all of these comments as the people I have spoken to like my family and my friends here (I've only lived here 2 years moved just before lockdown so all new-ish friends to me), anyway they always seem to think we can get through it and just tell me to ignore her so I'm shocked to see all of these comments, thank you so much though everybody. It would be a big decision to leave him as this is my last relationship, my elder daughter has already seen me in another one and I don't want another one before my girls are grown up. When I'm speaking to my family and friends I don't say how bad it actually is because I'm afraid of being seen as petty, also all of my 'mum friends' from school are late 30s/early 40s and I'm only 24 so I always assume I'd be judged as petty. The ex is 29

OP posts:
Original poster
MumOfTwo524 · 02/11/2021 21:34

They are 5 and 2, his are 7 and 5, he's the most trustworthy and genuine guy I've ever known and because my 5 year old has seen me in another relationship already, this is for sure my last one until they're grown up. I really appreciate your advice from the comments I'm starting to think I've been downplaying the situation x

OP posts:
PaintedDaisy · 02/11/2021 21:43

Can you move schools easily?

Original poster
MumOfTwo524 · 02/11/2021 21:52

No I live in a small town, there are two primary schools and the one my daughter goes to is a 5 minute walk from my house, the other is 20/30 minute walk each way so we would end up having to drive and my girl loves her school and her teachers. Wouldnt dream of changing it because of silly adults xx

OP posts:
Tattler2 · 03/11/2021 00:37

@MumOfTwo524
You may need to relax a bit. Relationships among mature classroom mom tend not to be the same as high school cliques. People can like both you and your partner's ex without wanting to take any side in your personal family animosity. That drama belongs in your home and not a part of the typical classroom mom drama

Infiltrate is a pretty strong word to use when talking about class mom relationships.

You have only been in this relationship for 18 months and the man had moved himself and his children into your home. Maybe you could simplify your life by having him live elsewhere with his children.

If the drama that comes with him is upsetting, why subject yourself and your children to unnecessary drama? You can date him without living with him.

Anordinarymum · 03/11/2021 00:53

What strikes me is your youngest child was only six months old and you moved a man into your home?
When did he leave his other partner and is this why she is kicking off because he got with you?

All these little children having their lives messed up by adults. What a mess.

MeridianB · 03/11/2021 07:22

This sounds horrendous for all the children - lots of change, blending after 8 months, now this drama.

What was his living situation before he moved in with you? What’s his view on the ex’s behaviour?

The school mum and clothing things can and should be ignored. Much more serious is the touching allegations, turning up at your house and calling the police.

You and your two very young children deserve better. And no matter how wonderful your DP is, it won’t protect your children from the affects of the drama and the ongoing tension it causes. 2 and 5 are such magical ages - you should all be having fun, not worrying about things like this.

itsmellslikepopcarn · 03/11/2021 07:27

You’re mental for moving a man into your home after 9 months together when you have children.

PaintedDaisy · 03/11/2021 07:46

Could you move?

PaintedDaisy · 03/11/2021 07:46

Or live separately for a bit

SnowWhitesSM · 03/11/2021 08:03

Well it's done now, whether it was quick by MN standards or not.

How on your side is your DP? How is he protecting you and your dc from the fall outs and false allegations?

candlelightsatdawn · 03/11/2021 08:04

This is a lot.

Please bare with people excusing the ex's behaviour, it's part of the course here. This behaviour she's showing is nuts and also dangerous- imagine if the kids said that to someone who wasn't you 🤯

I would advocate strongly for you living apart if you don't want to bail on the relationship. It's easy to say but your gonna have to ignore her behaviour as best you can. She wants a rise out of you, don't give her one, they DP handle it and nacho your way into a semi peaceful existence (there's many nachoing threads you will find helpful on this board)

SandyY2K · 03/11/2021 09:33

Things seem to have happened pretty quickly. Before he moved in was she okay?

Bananarama21 · 03/11/2021 09:52

Op you had a 5 and 2 year old and in your second relationship in a short amount of time of your young children's life. You have now moved in with him. The issue is your moving quickly, you can date and not move in together. Its now looking like you have big issues. You need to slow down. As for her being friendly with school mums she's entitled to speak to them and them to her I see bo wrong in it especially as they are in the same school. I think their was always going to be issues with dating one of your dcs classmates dad's.

Bananarama21 · 03/11/2021 09:55

Do your children see their father, it seems strange to get into a new relationship with a 6 month old and move them in.

RedMarauder · 03/11/2021 10:03

As PPs have said you need to move out or you need to get him to move out.

Then when he has his children he sees them the majority of the time on his own.

If you do end up splitting from him you can have another relationship. However stop rushing.

Don't allow this person to move in with you for a minimum of 2 years especially if they have children themselves.

If they have children make sure they see their own children the majority of the time without you.

Then don't introduce that person to your children for 6 months regardless of the children's ages.