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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Why is she behaving this way?

11 replies

autumnvibes1 · 26/10/2021 02:04

DSD is 9. She came back from her DF on Sunday evening. She was acting really odd. She went upstairs to play and she was literally shouting so loud at her dollies. Telling them off but using her own name and talking in a really angry and aggressive manner! Me and DP have never heard her speak that way. Anyway today I picked DS up from his DF and we all went out together. Her attitude was awful, she was playing but screaming and looking for attention all day. Her attitude was bad arguing over small things like the time etc. When we got back to her house she always bosses my DS around.
Me and DP saw them outside and DSD bent down to my DS5 said youre not having that and snatched a spoon out of his hand then throwed it in the air, she then proceeded to do a sassy walk to her swing. DP told her to come in and asked what she thought she was doing her answer was I didn't do anything. She then got sent for time out. Where she said I'm just an idiot. I feel she always does this to make DP feel sorry for her. Later her and DS were playing a game and she was being mean to him saying no one was cheering for him. Then we all played a game and DS came last, she laughed in his face and DS got upset.
Since leaving DP they have said DSD has been like an angel.
I don't know what's going on with her. Is she jealous of my DS?
I feel like if her behaviour continues then I will refuse to even consider living with DP in the future. I don't see it improving though if I'm honest but DP doesn't see the issues

OP posts:
Original poster
autumnvibes1 · 26/10/2021 07:57

Bump

OP posts:
candlelightsatdawn · 26/10/2021 08:16

Ok 9 is a tricky tricky age. She could be jealous or something might be going on at school ? Have you asked ? If it's a change sudden change in temperament then I would do some real digging.

Although the bigger problem you have here is a DP problem. I would be raising it as such, so I would say "DSD approach to DS has change dramatically she's not normally like this, somethings up and we need to investigate." Then do some real digging, billing at school is where I would look first.
You both need to be on the same page with how you handle either children re saying names and say there needs to be a consistent approach to both children.

Random changes of behaviour should be a flag to say something is up.

BadlyFormedQuestion · 26/10/2021 10:02

There are two things here, I think.

  1. Your DSD’s behaviour, and particularly her behaviour towards your son.
  2. Her father’s refusal to do anything about it or even acknowledge the problem.

Point 2 makes point 1 hard to deal with.

My suggestion would be to make your own plans with your DS and stay out of the way when DSD is there. That way her father has to deal with her behaviour on his own (and you are protecting your DS from this stuff). It’s much harder for him to ignore her behaviour if he’s solely responsible for her.

Since I left my H, he’s had to deal with his children on his own. And, guess what? He’s discovered that the behaviour that I found utterly intolerable and problematic is in fact not a figment of my imagination. Nor is it me exaggerating. It is driving him mad.

But it’s his problem. 🤷🏻‍♀️

KylieKoKo · 26/10/2021 11:40

From your post it sounds like this is bad weekend rather than a pattern of behaviour. I would keep an eye on it but not panic for now.

At 9 she might well be in the early stages of puberty and be having some hormonal changes so she will be moving from a sweet little "angel" to a tween which would explain the sassy walk.

aSofaNearYou · 26/10/2021 11:58

What's the family dynamic, here? You say you don't live with your DP, does that mean your DS is her step sibling rather than half sibling? How much time do you spend together? Does she live with you most of the time? By DF do you mean her father, or her friend?

It's difficult to pinpoint where her behaviour is coming from without more information about what could potentially be causing ill feeling towards your son.

aSofaNearYou · 26/10/2021 12:00

*sorry, by does she live with you most of the time, I meant does she live with your DP most of the time.

ParmigianoReggiano · 26/10/2021 12:05

The bit about shouting at her dollies but using her own name is really sad to read Sad poor DSD. I wonder what has led to that behaviour, does anyone shout at her? Is she struggling with her parents' divorce or having problems at school? There seems to be something going on that is affecting her, and she is reacting to it by being mean to your DS. Maybe DP could arrange for her to talk to a family therapist?

TaraR2020 · 26/10/2021 12:06

Was she badly told off at her father's before she came home? I'd be asking gentle questions.

bogoffmda · 26/10/2021 13:11

There is a very unhappy girl in there - who needs some help and is not feeling loved and secure.

The doll thing suggests someone is yelling at her.
Is your DS5 who I am assuming is her step brother for want of a better description?

Dad put her in time out - that is dealing with the behaviour - not sure what other people think he should do more without pushing the child too far. She admitted she was an idiot - which along with an apology is what I would expect from a time out - but you do not like it?

Bananarama21 · 26/10/2021 13:48

Could she been bullied at school? Has her behaviour changed or always been like this?If you don't live with her df then do they get time together. I'd maybe step back and allow them time together.

TaraR2020 · 26/10/2021 18:56

The doll thing suggests someone is yelling at her
Exactly, I think she's acting out behaviour she's been on the receiving end of. Poor girl

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