Need some advice

[whezzey]

Hi all I need some advice I am at my wits end with my step daughter we have always provided for her my husband gave her everything he could she lives with her mother but over the years she has poisoned her so much against her dad it's disgusting a few years ago it go so bad she had us in court every other week looking for money we where left with nothing it drove me husband to try to take his own life she is 19 now and sends her dad the most horrible messages how he was never there he never cared and All she needs is her mum and best step dad who is a alcoholic I am so tired of it o have never said anything but she is now a adult I feel like she needs to know the other side of the story and her mother is no angel she has a son by another man and she done the same thing to him she wants everything about her
I want to right my step daughter a letter and put everything in it as this needs to stop I am worried it will push my husband to that point again any advice be great

It’s not your place to write that letter. It would have to be your husband’s decision. But it’s not a bad idea. Things sound beyond awful, she might have had a rough time with her mum but she’s an adult now and he’s not obliged to accept or entertain her abuse.

If she’s decided the only people she needs are her mum and step dad, what’s she doing contacting her dad to tell him that more than once? Does he reply to her messages?

If it’s really damaging his mental health he’d be wise to block her for a while to protect himself from further hurt.

How awful, for both of you. I’m sorry

Agreeing with @AnneLovesGilbert here.

Dont write a letter if anything that should be done by DH when he's in a better mental state. I know you feel like you need to tell her some home truths but remember truth is subjective. You will only fan the flames.

If your SD is messaging your DH this stuff it maybe because she's acting out as a way to get his attention. However she's a adult now and verbal abuse isn't ok. DP needs to get some counselling, block her for a short while and when feeling up to it, write her a letter. It's easy to type out mean words and send instantly. You cannot do this so easily with a letter.

Good luck op