Holidays - is this dysfunctional?

[sunshinelover69]

Have name changed for this as I don't want it linked to previous threads.

Been married for 3 years, three kids between us who all have very different interests. My DD(18), his DS(21) and his DS(14). We've never managed a family holiday with all of the kids together due to various circumstances, but we've done combinations of kids with us, and we holiday without the kids ever year. Eldest two are away at uni.

Last night we were discussing holidays for 2022. I want to take my DD away, just the two of us. Have done it before and had a lovely time. He wants to take youngest DSS away, just the two of them. And then we have a holiday booked on our own. When youngest DSS has been away with us he gets restless and likes to be doing things, whereas I like to chill. So I feel like we don't go well together when it comes to holidays.

If everyone is happy with this arrangement, does it look a bit dysfunctional from the outside? I read lots about families trying to blend in every sense and having disastrous holidays sometimes and I'd rather not be in that position.

You have 2 adult children and a teen.

You are both lucky any of them want to go away with you.

It can’t be dysfunctional if it works for you. For what it’s worth we’re a very typical 2 parents, 2 children household and DH very rarely comes on holiday with us. Occasionally the in-laws will comment on it but it works for us.

Dysfunctional would be going on a family holiday that no one enjoyed, because of how it looked from the outside.

Who cares what it looks like. It sounds like a good idea to me.

Sounds perfect. Everyone’s needs are being met, no one’s unhappy.

No it doesn't I know why your asking but I think it's totally fine. Don't complicate things.

Thanks for the replies, think I just wanted a sense check.

You might find someone says something like "oh but you're all one family" but ignore them. My DSC hate that they are forced to do all their family holidays with their mum's partner's children. It does them good to know they are special to their own parent.

Sounds like you've found something that works for everyone. That doesn't sound dysfunctional it sounds ideal!

It sounds fine.
Is DSS1 happy not to be going away with his Dad, or does he still feel like he is a dependant and is missing out?

IMO, elective trips and vacations should be planned to provide pleasure and relaxation for all participants. That may necessitate planning trips with varying participant combinations.

Why spend significant amounts of money on something that you are not going to enjoy? You can stay at home and be uncomfortable for free.

@InTheLabyrinth

It sounds fine. Is DSS1 happy not to be going away with his Dad, or does he still feel like he is a dependant and is missing out?

He's effectively left home. He had a big holiday with us when he finished his A levels

I think it's FAR from dysfunctional. I think it's absolutely lovely that you're considering each of your children and what they like to do on holiday - they're lucky kids.

I hope you all enjoy your holidays!

Thanks, what a nice comment.