Ideas needed for the weekends.

[ReginaaPhalange]

DSD - 13 at the age now she doesn't want to do the usual things such as swimming. No longer talking to the friend she made in the street and lately has been here EOW and just wants to sit in her room and play on her iPad.

When we ask her what she wants to do, we get the standard "I don't know" response and she can never come up with any ideas, and anything we suggests gets shot down. Last weekend she did say she was bored but didn't know what she wanted to do and she didn't want to go for a walk and didn't fancy the zoo.

Any ideas greatly appreciated! DH text and asked if there was anything she wanted to do this weekend and she replied "idk"!!

Watch a film? Cook together? Go out for dinner?

@Newchances we go out for dinner every weekend on a Sunday usually. She's started to get bored of it :( if I get her to cook with me she gets bored half way and goes back to the iPad

The problem is she is teaching the age where her friends will become a greater part of her life and the people she wants to spend time with. All my three began to stop wanting to do family outings at around that age as they had their own interest and hobbies. Ideally can she still see her firmed s when she’s with you or do you live too far away? Does she have anything like that she could do with you that she may enjoy and not able to do at home (horse riding/ice skating/dance class)? Ideally it would be more like another home base where she can carry on with her teenage life rather than being a visit (if that makes sense?)

Cinema, theatre, music gigs, going out for dinner, join her in games on the iPad, tv marathons…depends what you consider suitable but mine loved the Walking Dead, the Inbetweeners and most recently we have been watching Grange Hill on BritBox. She may very reluctantly enjoy things liked board games and dominos. I would consider any time off the iPad a bonus. She’s a teen, it’s what they do.

Could she bring a friend over?

Ahh bloomin auto correct! Friends not firms! And reaching not teaching!

@FVFrog we have told her she can make plans with her school friends and we can drop her off etc (she only lives 20 minutes away from mum). She says I know but doesn't actually arrange things and when the weekend comes and she does text, her friends are usually busy.

She's very uninterested in doing anything other than iPad but she complains of being bored too. Dh and I feel awful as the things she previously enjoyed no longer interest her and are babyish. She's also not girlie so if we suggested a dance class to her, we would get the death stare lol!

We have a movie night on a Saturday with snacks, but even now, she usually gets bored halfway through and starts asking when the film will finish (she picks the film)

I wouldn't stress too much over it. It's the natural progression of being a teen. At that age I wouldn't want to do much with my dad and step mum either on a weekend. You're lucky you're even getting some words out of her!

@gonnabeok you should see her texts lol it's either "idk", "kk" or "yeh"

@ReginaaPhalange complaining of being ‘bored’ is pretty standard for that age! Can you/her DF contact her during the week with a reminder to maybe set up something with a friend? My youngest was like that, drove me mad. Maybe suggest a film and ask if she wants to take a friend and you can drop off/pick up etc. It’s a tricky age!

@FVFrog I've literally just said that to DH 🤣 he's going to text her in the morning and suggest exactly that! Expect the standard response to me "kk" 🤣

We just don't want her sat here being bored 🥺 DH says he fancies going climbing again at the local gym and is going to encourage DSD to join him!

My DC and loads of teens I know went through a weird hibernation period when they were 13. They stopped socialising, did nothing. It's quite weird but they come out of it. My DC seemed to long to be adults then but couldn't do what they wanted as they hadn't the freedom.

Stuff that worked for them was anything that played into that desire to be adult or to explore their identity e.g.
Going with them to a gig of music they loved but couldn't get in unaccompanied under age 14
Creating Pinterest pages for room decor updates or clothing 'grails'
making mocktails
Having film nights with microwave popcorn and home made pizzas, lights off, like a real cinema. Let them choose the first film then take turns but consult them a bit
Game nights - anything from cards to board games or bananagrams

Might she be up for some pampering - having nails or brows done or wasting time and money in Claire's Accessories?

@ReginaaPhalange climbing great idea! Good luck

They’re all bored at 13 doesn’t matter what you offer them.

Is her room, hers alone and she can chill in it comfortably? That’s all my Teens want to do at weekends. Stay in their rooms, game, video call friends. They’re not bothered about going out to cinema etc.

@leavesthataregreen the pamper nights is the one thing she really focuses on with her mum on the weekends she's with her, so I'd hate for her mum to think I'm trying to step on her toes by having a pamper night here too.

Those texts and fixation with their phones and ipad are pretty standard.

Ours are like that but they will occasionally come out for a walk and enjoy it once they are out.

@MrsRobbieHart yes she has her own room with all her own things I.e her own iPad, it shared with anyone else.

If she's only 20 mins from her mums are there any weekend classes she could do which you take her to one week and her mum take her there on the other week?
Do you have the contact details for any of her friend's parents and can you message them and suggest a meet up at the weekend. DD is only 12 so it might all change in the coming year but I realised we'd have a chat on a Tues or Weds about the forthcoming weekend and which friends she might see when, DD would say she'd text them "later" which turned out to be about 8pm on a Fri by which time they already had other plans and DD would end up in a right grump. For the last couple of weeks, I have texted the mum of the friend shortly after we've had the chat on the Tues or Weds, we've agreed a mutually convenient time and it actually happens and everyone is happy!

@alphabetspagetti I don't have the phone numbers of the friends parents no, But I/DH might text her mum and see if she does.

She isn't into any clubs, she used to be and we actually used to take her one weekend and mum the other weekend but she quickly lost interest (ballet, swimming, gymnastics and horse riding... then covid hit and she doesn't want to pick up the latter again).

An activity together? Parkrun is free, or orienteering maybe? I took mine sailing at that age but obviously that's more expensive

If the weather is right and you have it nearby, apple or pumpkin picking/hay ride/corn maze etc. Perhaps she’d like to help you decorate for fall/Halloween, if that’s traditional where you live. Backyard grill out or Bonfire cooking? My kid is 11 and I find shes often ambivalent about going someplace but when she gets there she has a good time.

Bike rides? I dragged my daughter to 4 separate weekend rides over the summer on a local rail trail so she could earn a Girl Scout patch. The earning of the patch was a great excuse to “need” to go and not put it off. Lots of birds to see on some trails and we usually ended with ice cream. If your local parks have any nature themed “challenges” running for kids/teens, those might be good. Kids love anything with “challenge” in the title.

@gonnabeok

I wouldn't stress too much over it. It's the natural progression of being a teen. At that age I wouldn't want to do much with my dad and step mum either on a weekend. You're lucky you're even getting some words out of her!

This!

I have two teenagers of my own and it's completely normal. I used to stress when they came here (we have a 50/50 split) that I needed to do more with them but soon realised this is what they WANT to do, and if they're happy, then I am happy.

Don't drag teens places if they really don't want to go or are not interested - it doesn't make for a happy life! The biggest success with mine is going for a walk, where we can just stop off at the pub and get a drink and a bag of crisps. They don't want entertaining, sometimes they just want a casual chat.

They like game arcades with friends or even with you. It is slightly (very) soul crushing as a sentient adult, but it is at least a thing to do together.
Climbing is fun.
Gym together?

Thank you for all the great suggestions! We will definitely take them on board! I like the idea of a nice walk and stop for a wee drink and crisps, but she moans her lungs off the whole way lol! We tried that on hallowe'en last year and a Christmas lights walk around the estate and she just wanted to go home as her legs were sore lol! Any form of exercise and she would run (walk lol!) away!

Might try encourage her more - but obviously not push it lol! Just hard to accept she's growing up 😭😭😭

She isn't into any clubs, she used to be and we actually used to take her one weekend and mum the other weekend but she quickly lost interest (ballet, swimming, gymnastics and horse riding... then covid hit and she doesn't want to pick up the latter again).

If she isn't a girlie girl then does she want to try playing more non-traditional girls sports like football, rugby, basketball or martial arts?

Or does she want to go and watch any live sports matches with her dad?

@RedMarauder nope and nope to put it bluntly 🤣 she tried kickboxing with her other cousins but didn't last long with that.

Everyone in her family try motivate her with clubs but she's not interested. Mum is a gym goer and tries to get her involved, even if it's just swimming, but she's not interested.

I know we can't force her into things but I just feel bad if she's on her iPad and bored, but at the same time, as DH and her mum say, she cannot be THAT bored if she refuses to engage in any other activities.

She did do climbing once with DH so I think DH will take her this weekend and try keep that going, but only on a basis when DSD wants to, that way she's not burned out of it if that makes sense??

Teenagers huh?! 🤣