How to tell Stepkids we're pregnant....

[Harlequin1088]

Looking for some advice please on how to do this.

My partner and I are expecting our first child together. Partner is has two sons from his previous marriage aged 11 and 17.

I get on very well with the boys and they've told their Dad that they've never seen him so happy so I'm confident they're happy and secure in our relationship.

I think it's because I get on so well with them that I'm fearful of us telling them I'm pregnant just in case they react badly and our relationship is forever altered.

Does anyone have any experience telling older children about a pregnancy and can advise on the best way to go about it? All the research I've done online about telling kids seems to be aimed at when children are much younger so suggest things like getting them a present from the baby. Unfortunately with the age the boys are at, they know where babies come from so I'm concerned a new XBox game purportedly from a foetus might insult their intelligence somewhat!

Any help or advice appreciated.

I wouldn't overthink it , they probably won't be that interested. My son was 16 when I told him I was pregnant he just grunted ' aaah right ' when I told him .

Two lads that age might not want to think about their DF's sex life, especially the elder, who's at the age when each generation think sex is their own invention and territory, so a yucky or embarrassed reaction is always a possibility. For that reason I wouldn't take them out for a nice meal and tell them at the table where you're all stuck looking at each other afterwards over dessert!

Keep it low key and easy, I reckon. Congratulations, and don't be surprised or offended at any reaction you get that's less than congratulatory; they're young and handling a hormone cocktail as potent as your own!

@JustFrustrated

Just tell them

Don't over stress about this..having been that child, I literally didn't care

Until the kid was born and suddenly I lost the ability to sleep beyond 6am and I was shoved out because here was this shiny new toy.

So just tell them, because they're old enough to just be told, and then be aware of your treatment after the birth towards them.

Also, they won't be as excited as you are. No one is. That's fine.

Agree with this.

Being told wasn't the issue, it was afterwards that mattered and then everything changed for the worse.

Just tell them, with words. No big announcement or gimmick. Don’t expect much of a reaction, they probably won’t be that bothered either way.

I would get on and tell them, DSS's were 13 and 15 when we told them. We actually told them straight away as their mother had also got pregnant a few months before and they were more upset it had been kept from them! My DSS were over the moon and very excited so I don't think you need to worry about their reactions.

Congratulations OP!

I agree with PP who said they may not be hugely excited initially because of their ages. Once your little one is at toddler stage and can play and interact more then it’s often the start of a better time for bonding when there’s a big age gap.

Good luck!

It really depends on the individual teen at what age they are interested in their much younger sibling. Some of my friends and colleagues have had step-children interested from when they are newborns, while others there is been more limited interaction.

We told DSS (age 12) just after our 12 week scan... didn't want to tell him earlier incase anything bad happened, but wanted him to know ASAP.

We did tell him by presenting him with something saying 'big brother' on it... but he's an only child and had been asking both us and his mum for a sibling for years, so we had a reasonable expectation he'd take it well, despite being a tween boy!

It was actually really lovely, he was super emotional. Let us know how it goes op!

@crabette

We told DSS (age 12) just after our 12 week scan... didn't want to tell him earlier incase anything bad happened, but wanted him to know ASAP.

We did tell him by presenting him with something saying 'big brother' on it... but he's an only child and had been asking both us and his mum for a sibling for years, so we had a reasonable expectation he'd take it well, despite being a tween boy!

It was actually really lovely, he was super emotional. Let us know how it goes op!

Oh that's so nice! Bless his heart! Yes I'll let you all know how it goes 🥰

I'm trying to remember!
My SC's were 12 and 13. I think DH told them without me, just in case they weren't happy or needed a bit of time to think it through. They were fine with it, actually found having a baby coming was quite exciting and have always got on well with DD.

I don’t like “we’re pregnant” for a number of reasons, but it’s particularly not nice in this context of telling the children. By using this phrase to include the father (who is not, actually, pregnant) you’re basically telling the kids, “here’s something your dad and I are experiencing together, but you’re not included.” A nicer way to phrase it might be, “we’re all going to have a new addition to our family.”

Mnetters only slate "we are pregnant" because the woman is giving away her rights by using the term (or having her rights taken away). We are expecting a baby but only I am pregnant.
Congratulations on your pregnancy

I just hate the use of "we are pregnant" because it is incorrect...