The overwhelming assumption of bad faith

[SpaceshiptoMars]

It makes my heart very heavy. Hardly a post on this forum without someone jumping in with an overwhelming assumption of bad faith.

If you do this to new posters here - how would you like to be in their shoes? People complain about Disney Dads, but the Disney creed infects more than Dads. The whole 'whatever a stepmum does is automatically from the worst possible motives' is utterly rife.

People are people. A whole mix of reasons for much of what they do. Most start out with the best of intentions and try not to do evil. Don't force people into your narrative - they are writing their own stories.

Agreed @SpaceshiptoMars though I was searching for advice on google re a issue a pal was having and I found surprisingly enough this board used to have a lot less nastiness on and a lot more support for SP in general say in 2008

I find it really odd !

Couldn't agree more.

You can see some posters here really clutching at straws to find a way that the SM could be a fault. Jumping on a single work as evidence that she "sounds cold". Or when they can't find anything popping onto threads to say "you are not their SM you are their dad's girlfriend", sometimes in cases where the OP is in fact married to a father. It's insane how desperate some posters are to find a fault in a step-mum. Having said that there are some very supportive people here, you just have to tune out the bitter ex wives and the people who think every poster is the same as their own bad step mum.

The solution is at your fingertips.

Instead of starting (yet another) thread about how nasty some MNetters are (I've seen several in the last couple of weeks), ignore the comments you don't like and post the advice you think is better on the thread itself

It’s not usually step mums who do it. It’s weirdos with massive issues with either their own dads/step mums or their exes/kid’s step mums. They wait around with tired old cliches at the ready to tear strips off people looking for help, advice or solidarity on the off chance it’s their ex’s wife posting so they can right the scales of justice, or something. It’s really peculiar and sad.

Classic Disney plays to all sorts of horrible stereotypes though, usually based on classic fairytales. Ugly women are evil witches, pretty women are kind princesses/good fairies etc. Although now I think of it I’m not sure how that translates to ‘Disney dad,’ I always thought that comes from more the dad who wants to do all the fun stuff (Disneyland trips etc) but isn’t that into buying school shoes and going to doctors appointments.

I’ve just realised I totally misread your post, I thought you were talking about the influence of how stepmothers are portrayed. They are generally portrayed badly though, although it’s improving! Ignore my post.

@AuntieStella yes I suppose OP could but then I suppose so could all the other people who post unhelpful and downright cruel on things on posts. Just scroll past. Spaceship has made a post that many I imagine actually sympathise with and maybe you disagree, but simply but you object to this post and the others, you seemingly and ironically have written but not taken your own advice.

Most people who come here are usually looking for advice, probably not in great heat space and get a kicking for a number of things, because some people troll these pages to take out their own anger on unsuspecting newbies.

Just because you don't associate with another's others feelings doesn't mean that person has to ignore them.

For the love of god autocorrect

Main one to correct "probably not in great head space"

[quote candlelightsatdawn]@AuntieStella yes I suppose OP could but then I suppose so could all the other people who post unhelpful and downright cruel on things on posts. Just scroll past. Spaceship has made a post that many I imagine actually sympathise with and maybe you disagree, but simply but you object to this post and the others, you seemingly and ironically have written but not taken your own advice.

Most people who come here are usually looking for advice, probably not in great heat space and get a kicking for a number of things, because some people troll these pages to take out their own anger on unsuspecting newbies.

Just because you don't associate with another's others feelings doesn't mean that person has to ignore them.

[/quote]
Not just scoll past - post the advice you think is better

And that is the advice that I am posting, because I think it is better.

Don't derail the thread by attacking another poster though - it's hardly fair on the opening poster to watch their thread turn into a mass ticking off, rather than anything that's useful to them. Personally, I don't like how tickings off change the mood of the thread, but realise some might want it like that.

And of course you have to allow for those who read only parts of posts, or just plain misunderstand them.

And of course there is the 'report' function if you think something is badly wrong

It's awful you have to really watch what you post word for word. If you type something as a quick comment and miss caveating it you get butchered.

I posted here before but got so leapt on I've name changed

There was a time when the first response on every other post used to be "were you the OW?". It's so insulting to assume that a second long-term relationship and family could only have been created via an affair, although things have got a bit better around here now.

My problem is with this type of thing @AuntieStella is actually sometimes people should be called out what they post on here and the tone of the thread should change. Especially when the wolves are descending and it's getting a bit mad. MN headQ only delete comments that violate their terms and conditions which usually amounts to name calling or foul language.

However you can do a fair amount of damage or hurt without getting to that level. As people have shared on this post.
You can call someone's unkindness out and also give advice on the OPs post.

I think more posts like this remind people to be human and act as a warning to newbies to make sure they don't fall into the word trap. Aka don't use the term bio mum which maybe in their culture or on platforms they use acceptable

@Starseeking

There was a time when the first response on every other post used to be "were you the OW?". It's so insulting to assume that a second long-term relationship and family could only have been created via an affair, although things have got a bit better around here now.

@starseeking I was almost tempted to go to the relationships board and ask every poster this question at one point. Just so they could see how ridiculous and tiresome it is.