Lovely evening with DSDs

[KylieKoKo]

It's a bit doom and gloom here tonight so I wanted to post that I have had a lovely time with DSDs today. We took them out for ice cream sundaes and they are now in bed while DP and I are sharing a bottle of wine on the sofa.

I was really struck by how grown up the oldest DSD is and what a lovely, empathetic, funny young woman she is growing into.

I think it's good to highlight that step parenting isn't all bad!

Awww, that sounds lovely @KylieKoKo, and yes it is a bit morose on here tonight, so thanks for lifting the mood!

What do you think is the reason for your wonderful relationship with your DSD's? Is there anything in the way you and your DP work together which has supported the success? I hope you don't mind me asking, but do you also have DC with your DP or DC that are not his? Would you be able to share what has worked well in blending everybody?

I'm asking as I may be in this situation in future, so looking forward tips!

@Starseeking I think we all get on well for a few reasons.

First for foremost, dsds are lovely girls and we fundamentally get on as people. I think it would be much harder if our personalities clashed.

Their parents have both been able to set aside their differences and put the children first and coparent without letting their feelings of bitterness and anger towards each other come through. I know dp has made a point of never bad-mouthing their mum in front of them or discussing the reasons for their split, despite the fact he caught her cheating in their home and as far as I can tell their mum doesn't badmouth us. This means that the children were able to get to know me without feeling disloyal to their mum.

I don't have children of my own and don't think I want them which probably males things simpler! I have no desire to "parent" them and their dad doesn't expect me to. I've read accounts of step mothers on here who's partner's make them feel obligated to never make plans for themselves when their step children are there which is insane to me. I can't see how enforced togetherness is good for anyone and will only breed resentment.

Dp and his ex have always been flexible with each other around contact which allows them both to have a social life and we live about a 15 minute walk apart which I think takes a lot of stress out of contact. The children never need to miss out on clubs or seeing friends because they're here and it's easy to work around everyone's plans.

It’s lovely when you can genuinely enjoy each other’s company isn’t it KylieKoKo.

Two of my adult DSC came to stay for a couple of nights recently and honestly I had one of the best weekends ever, after they left I had that buzz afterwards like you get when you’ve had a brilliant holiday.

It’s been a bumpy road in the 10+ years I’ve been in DSC lives including me moving out for a spell when things got bad, “coincidentally” at the exact time their mother started badmouthing us, we got on pretty well before then. So I agree the parents setting aside their differences is absolutely crucial in whether your relationship with the DSC gets a chance to develop. It’s not the only factor of course but it won’t work without it - that’s the thing you can’t anticipate when “you knew what you were getting into.”

Ah that's lovely to hear.

Thanks @KylieKoKo, that all sounds so good.

It would probably all work much more smoothly if more parents and step-parents took that approach, although it's much more complex when there are more DC with different sets of parents, expectations, lifestyles etc.

I think as well that children are individuals like all other people - some you like some you don't. If you are a step parent with a child that you clash with then you not only have to spend time with them but are expected to tend to their needs. It's a bad situation for all involved.